Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Nowhere in @AnonSugar 's post did she say incontinence is something disgusting. She never even suggested it. What on earth are you on about?!

Apparently so. Yet again the handmaidens expect women to back down

They do need to be changed though. It doesn't completely solve the issue.

You don’t get to give permission to someone to use women’s private spaces just because you personally don’t care.

what about women who don’t want men in female facilities? Do their feelings and wishes not count? Your husband could just rush your daughter into a cubicle in the men’s?

So he calls out and a deeply traumatised woman is in a cubicle, are you expecting her to be able to calmly shout back saying she doesn’t give him permission? Or do you think it may cause her to panic, and be unable to reply? So then he continues in, what does she do then?

I have never heard of a man taking his young child into the women’s toilets before, is this really a thing? My DD’s went in the men’s if they were out with their father or with me if we were together.

Does that mean mothers should be taking their sons into the men’s loos?

You really cannot be serious. Come on now

100% this. As I said earlier, it's the parallel world of Mumsnet. I have never seen - in real life - a woman washing out a mooncup or her blood-filled knickers in the sink of a public womens toilets. I mean REEAALLLY?!!

Nor have I ever met a single woman in real life who would be so outraged and upset and angry at a man coming into the womens loos with his elderly and disabled mother (so she can go in there to use the loo and the facilities...)

The whole thread is batshit, and I'm out. Seriously, I can't read any more of these posts!

.

Incontinence does mean that toilet visits can be more stressful and potentially embarrassing. Inco pads are not fool proof.
we all believe in safe spaces for women and the importance of women’s rights and women’s dignity. We have to safeguard these rights. The circumstances the OP describes should be a very rare occurrence- and should only happen with the agreement of the women present.

Yeah. If it’s so scary for young girls to enter male bathrooms, why is it ok for a man to enter female bathrooms? Surely he’d just shout “girl coming through”and rush to the cubicle. I mean that’s what he’d be doing in the ladies, so why not the men’s?

The time was absolutely derogatory as if using an inco pad affected dignity. They do not. Hope that helps.

This pair should've waited for the accessible facilties.

Men should not go into the ladies. It should be very simple.

I very much doubt that a pervert would deliberately borrow a disabled woman so he could get access to the ladies toilets

Agree.

Then maybe they should only use the loo at home if they're going to be so precious.
I'm not talking about any and all men just wandering in. But in this instance he was clearly there for a reason. Much like when I stopped at some services a couple of weeks back on the motorway and there was a male cleaner mopping the floors and refilling the soap. I didn't clutch my pearls, scream and run away. I just used the cubicle, washed my hands and left....

Honestly I don’t know!
I think it would be quite rare to have both circumstances occur together. But it might happen…
This thread has made me feel a great deal of sympathy for disabled people and their carers. I’m on their side.

First of all, it’s sexes not genders. And it’s not always about discomfort, just look at some of the comments on this thread. People are talking about genuine trauma, not just feeling a bit weird.

The law is clear- the sex of person needing to use the toilet determines which toilets you go into. Girl= women’s toilets. Full stop.

Where are you getting this from? The accepted convention is for women to take boys under the age of eight into the ladies. There was quite a lot of chat about this recently in the High Court, as bloody Bridget Phillipson was arguing that this would make it OK for men with special identities to go in there as well!

Why are so many on here ok with this but not with women bringing their older disabled sons in? So apparently my 8 yr old autistic son should go on the gents alone or wait for the disabled toilet but a grown man can bring his disabled wife in?

Why is it women that need to budge up, hide away, change behaviour rather than men just comply with the rules? Do you think women shouldn’t wear short skirts because it gives men the wrong idea too?!

It would make me uncomfortable too.

As you say, there may have been a reason for him to be there but we are allowed to feel uncomfortable.

I’m not okay with either situation to be honest.

Well many many women on here don’t want the man in either?

I think this is entirely sensible. Of course, it may make you uncomfortable. But they may also be there for an understandable (perhaps even unavoidable) reason.

I take my 10 year old disabled son to the ladies if the disabled toilet isn't available for whatever reason.

Men cleaning a women’s toilet in their role as a job is not going against the rules, it’s them doing their job