Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Well yes, and this is why there isn't a law criminalising an individual who enters a single sex loo.

It would be impossible to draft, impossible to police, and the law has no interest in criminalising e.g. cleaners or people who make a genuine mistake.

This is wholly different from the responsibility which the EA rightly puts on companies and organisations to provide single sex spaces. A company cannot, for example, say they provide single sex toilets and label them as such but direct a male employee to the female ones. If they did do so, then the company would be in breach of the EA. The male employee himself however would not be breaking any laws by merely entering and using the female loos.

Use the period products dispensing machine
Empty /wash Mooncup

Rare examples maybe but It happens

what private things are women doing at the sinks??

I can only name what I've had to do in the past - wash blood out of my knickers from an inspect period flood, so not only would he be seeing me doing that but he would also know that I didn't have my knickers on at the time.

Male. Neither a religious woman nor I would have a problem with a transman in the ladies, because they are female.

Unexpected not inspect.

No one knows how long they had been there. No one knows if they also attempted to wait and just couldn't manage any longer and of course, no one knows how long someone in the disabled toilet is going to be.

As I said, with my disabled son, we can be in there for at least 15 minutes.

He sounds awful.

Keeping it occupied for someone who needs it then eh

Paramedics, security guards, cleaners - fine (although they should shout first).

Anyone else - hell no.

I’m worried about sexual predators, not carers. If he had ill intent - it was a heck of a cover story - with props!

Once as a teenager I experienced menstrual flooding while in a class. My jeans were covered. I went to the loo in my blood soaked clothes and had to use the period vending machine thing as I had nothing on me. If a man was in there I would have been mortified.

Women at least understand these things and some have sympathy.

Really? I always take my boys in the women's loo with me, they are 5 and 9.

Her (and his) hassle and inconvienience is greater than yours. Toilet cubicles have a lock. It is not that much of an issue really.

I'm as GC as they come, I do not want any man who says he's a woman in there. I don't want any man on his own in there.

But I would have absolutely no problem with this man, and honestly - if a man has to take his small daughter to the loo, I would rather he took her to the ladies than exposed her to whatever she might see, hear or smell in the gents

You do that in the PUBLIC toilets? Wash blood out of your knickers IN THE SINK?

In 40 years of having periods, I never once did that - ever.

How incredibly unhygenic! 😖

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Of course they can, but if they need a helper who is male then they need to use the accessible toilets.

I think they should have used the disabled loos ideally, but maybe it was occupied and wife was desperate. People's care needs can change quickly too. My mum had dementia for her last few years and things sometimes changed quickly. I can well imagine a time when my mum would have gone confidently into the ladies alone, because that what she always did, but dad just didn't feel confident she'd make it out (sometimes got confused and failed to recognise the door for example). Of course, ideally that would mean he guided her into the disabled loo before she went, but care givers are only human, they can't predict every new scenario every minute. Maybe they hadn't got a radar key because they hadn't sorted that yet. While generally I don't approve of cross gender uses at all, I'd rather see ladies uncomfortable by a man being in their toilet, than someone hurt by lack of care.

I agree - but on the condition that in these circumstances a man call and announce his presence and ask permission to go in with his young child/ disabled partner.

I think most women would be ok in these circumstances. But if someone said no - that would be their prerogative

There is no reason for a man to go in with his young child

There is nothing shameful about incontinence please dont suggest it is something disgusting.

If someone cannot wait for the appropriate facility to become available then they need to consider inco pads. They are a practical solution, dignity not affected. As opposed to a man traipsing into women's areas which is not ok.

This thread is WILD.
As if there are women out there who wash out period pants and moon cups in the sinks of public bathrooms. Utterly vile. 🤣🤣
I also think it's far better for a Dad to take a young DD into the ladies. Than it is to take them to piss covered toilets with men with their todgers out!!! It's a loo. You should do anything private behind a door. Someone helping someone of the "correct" gender use the loo is no problem in my book.

My brother-in-law told us very proudly he was doing this.

His wife had Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA) and couldn't speak or do anything for herself anymore.

BIL has Asperger's, and is also very creepy. He's a big guy, 6'3" 275 pounds btw. We're in the U.S where the toilet stalls have gaps around the doors and underneath. You can see a person's feet or legs as they sit on the toilet, & can also see them sitting on the loo if you peek through the gap. The unwritten rule is; you wait by the sinks until you see or hear a door open. You don't stand in front of the door, let alone peek through the gap or look underneath. Knowing him for over 40 years, I bet he did this.

I know he was doing this for attention & to be close to women. He was desperately lonely & needy as his wife hadn't spoken or communicate for about 10 years. The reason I know he was being a creep is - she was wearing adult diapers/nappy and he'd let her sit in a soaked one for 8 or 9 hours at our house. He'd also told us that every single store he shopped at was within a one mile radius of his house. He could have easily taken her home to change her if she pooped.

I mentioned Asperger's because he can't read people's voice tone or body language. He told us, "The women are so friendly in their restrooms (toilets) they always say, 'can I help you' when they see me". I can imagine just how they asked 'can I help you' when that big galoot walk in. I'd have screamed - and I know him.

It’s probably this. My mum is disabled, she uses the non-disabled loos when the disabled one is in use. She can’t wait, it could take 5 minutes+, depending on the needs of the person using the disabled loos when.

So stuff all the women who might be uncomfortable or upset at having your husband in the ladies then? Wow!

Putting the onus on women to say no to a man wrongly in their private space is totally unfair and unacceptable.