Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Baffling isn't it?

I don’t want my daughter exposed to a man when she uses the women’s toilets…

One.

One isn't enough. Especially as they often double up as baby changing too.

Or if it is out of order for whatever reason.

@Uptightmumma Then tell her not to look.

They're not keen on your daughter staring at them either.

Why are you purposely pretending the male carer was the one ‘using the facilities’? Are you proud of erasing the existence of a disabled woman, the actual person ‘using the facilities’?

What is it, then?

Can someone let the various outraged PPs know?

When the women's loos are locked/out of order what should I do?

Should I barge into other's spaces?

Or should I go and find alternative loos? Even if this causes me discomfort and difficulty?

Exposed to a clothed man?! Who is seperate from her by a wall?
That’s somehow worse than exposing your daughter to several men with their willies hanging out with streams of piss?

I am sorry for everything you have suffered. If you are registered disabled though, why aren't you using the disabled/accessible facility, which is sole occupancy? That would guarantee you the single sex space you need.

So do whatever you’d do when a male cleaner was attending. Wait outside? Find another facility?

But if they happen to be in the ladies caring for their disabled wife they’re predatory?

Makes no sense.

It’s not ok.

it wouldn’t bother me as he was assisting his wife but those of us not bothered do not have the right to speak for all women. He should have assisted her in the disabled toilet

But what if the disabled toilet was unavailable

There are some very repetitive posters on this thread who do not know, as neither did the long vanishing op, that the disabled toilet was occupied on the arrival of this couple. I do think as I said earlier that he could have removed himself from the communal washing area whilst his wife dealt with herself.

I would feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't say or do anything to communicate that because I understand the tricky circumstances but I hate going to the loo when there is an unknown man in there.

No-one is assuming a man in the ladies loo is predatory.

They're just being clear that they should not be there. They are in the wrong place.

They are preventing women from accessing a single sex space and potentially reducing their access to privacy and dignity.

Ohhh…

I love your town. I have no idea where you actually live but it’s clearly a fuckton better at providing disabled toilets than my town.

If there’s a disabled loo available they should use that if not then they should be in the ladies.

The actual act to me is fine ie I don’t mind a man by the sinks while I go to the loo in the cubicle. However, that’s with the thought that that person is truly doing what they’re saying. The majority would be but allowing men in the womens toilets freely can be dangerous 100%. If I was the couple, I would’ve waited for the disabled toilet. If the husband was going to help his wife off the loo, surely she’d be more comfortable in the disabled toilet.
Other comments re dads and daughters, again a preference would be the disabled toilet. Again, I don’t have a problem with a genuine man coming into the womens toilets so his daughter can use the toilet but again, think it puts women in danger.

I don’t think this is a problem, assuming there was definitely a disabled wife with him.

1 minute?

If I am in there, I might well be 10, or even 15. If my bestie is in there and needs to change a bag, deal with bleeding etc she can easily be 15 mins and more.

Another disabled person may well not be able to wait that long so if they can use an alternative option, they will, as no adult wants to wet/shit themselves in public.

Whilst businesses continue provide the bare minimum of not very accessible facitilies, and force us to share them with others ( ie baby changes that take up room and yet are not accessible for disabled parents!) for their convenience, not ours... then I will use whichever facility I can get myself and my carer into reasonably, and I do not give a fuck if someone else does not like it. Not my problem.

Those are all within a pretty small area. You really cannot expect anyone to be building blocks of disabled loos on every street corner.

well apparently not, given that the woman and her husband were using the ladies for some reason

If the disable one is free, then no brainer. But maybe it was busy, as you say.
I would not worry about it in the toilets. At the end of the day, you are behind a closed door. The man is only in the area where you wash your hands. No biggie to me, passed the original "oh, I got the wrong toilet moment!"
But no way in changing rooms. I would not be happy.