Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

This is difficult to say but I really think society needs to get away from this idea that making someone feeling uncomfortable is something that should be avoided at all costs.

Feeling uncomfortable is unpleasant but we all know what it’s like and it’s something we need to accept and be able to deal with with if we wish to live our lives in the public square.

And I don’t just mean in relation to toilets or single sex spaces. You see so many posts on here about children being homeschooled, or allowed to eat or do or say what they want in order to avoid “feeling uncomfortable”. We have HR departments at work busy dealing with complaints made by adults about innocuous language used because it made someone “feel uncomfortable”. Excuses made for university students who can’t do x, y and z because it would make them uncomfortable.

Louder for those at the back - the OP didn’t know if the disabled toilets was occupied or not. I imagine he had no choice that to use the female toilets with his wife/companion.

No one knows if it was available at the time. If it was available, of course they should've used it.

If it wasn't available then they are going to use an available toilet.

Yes, but until disabled people actually matter enough to get enough toilets we should be mature enough to accept the one off, rare exceptions when it is necessary to enable a disabled woman to use the women’s toilets as is her right!

It’s not feeling uncomfortable for me. Far from it.

So it’s better for young girls to be exposed to men using urinals than have a man take them in to a set of toilets with cubicle doors that close. I have sons so it’s not something I do myself but do find this quite hypocritical

If it was available when OP left then it wasn't long and they should have waited.

We have to wait sometimes in public loos - just because you are disabled doesnt mean the world can guarantee you the toilets wont be engaged

There WAS a disabled toilet- they should have used that

You arent wise in the head

A woman telling every woman that's it ok to be sat in a grown up nappy because you might need help to the loo when the disabled loo is in use?

The man was stood in the sink area, the loos were all cubicles .

Aged 14 I nearly crapped myself when in a club in France ( dont ask, it was a very messy booze cruise wrapped up as an educational trip from school - back in the 70's ) and on walkng in, I nearly wet myself. Toilets were in a line, urinals opposite , no cubicles

Come the end, fear of wetting myself forced me back

No one go excited at the sight of a young lass having a pee. I wasnt attacked,

I’m far from a cool girl but I can see the stark difference between a man who is providing care for a woman or girl, and a man who simply chooses to take himself into the ladies toilets planning to use them himself.

This wouldn’t bother me at all, nor would a Man using the baby changing facilities which are too often only in the ladies. Yes he should absolutely complain to the venue about the lack of facilities in the gents too, but that doesn’t solve the immediate problem of a baby urgently needing changing.

Yes.

Because adult men should not be in the women’s toilets.

If you have a problem with that, then your husband cannot take his daughter out until she is old enough to use the facilities alone.

I find it shocking that people think no men in women’s spaces is more important than disabled women being able to get help going to the toilet. If a woman doesn’t want to go whilst a man is in there then they can wait

I would assume some level of incontinence issue or similar, and the disabled toilet was in use when she needed it and this was the poor ladies only option. And the husband probably felt super awkward about it all but wanted to give his wife the dignity and care she rightly deserved in that moment

But it was most likely OCCUPIED because no one disabled in their right mind and desperate for a wee or poo would slo-mo zimmer frame past the disabled loo with their male carer into the ladies toilets. 🙄

I always wondered about this whether dad's should take their little girls past urninals into dirty men's loos or into the ladies

Don’t I deserve dignity? Even if I don’t bring a man with me?

Just wow … so men shouldn’t be allowed to go out with their daughters without a woman present.

It isn't ok for anyone to wet themselves.

As I said, we need more disabled toilets and we need only genuinely disabled people to use them.

Until that happens, things like this will continue.

Now this I really do object to as a disabled person.

there’s few enough wheelchair accessible toilets around without them being commandeered by people who don’t want their small child in the men’s.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 You can think what you want but it doesn't matter.

Men are not allowed in single sex spaces for women.

No ifs buts or maybes.

The sooner we all accept that and then adjust to cope with this reality, the better.

Devil’s advocate right here.

Of course they can but they have to be prepared to use the men’s facilities… because they’re men.

No a man should not take a little kid to the ladies toilet. Absolutely unacceptable.

Carers aren't using the toilets, they are an aid of the actual user. It is an exception like service dogs.

Yes, it can be confusing for the other users, and in the ideal world it shouldn't happen, but if the accessible option isn't accessible, this is the reality. Female carers take the men they care for into men's.

"Insist on having a male carer" - this is ridiculous. She doesn't insist on anything, she just doesn't happen to have an additional carer at hand, when sbe doesn't need two at her outing.

Except you don’t know how long the disabled woman had been in there, and if she was bothered by it then perhaps the presumably able-bodied OP could have stepped outside and waited, because as you say sometimes we have to wait.