Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

I despise people who think that, because they don’t mind, it’s okay to ignore the objections of others

Of course there's no guarantees. But as a carer if a toilet is available and the disabled one isn't for whatever reason, they are going to take their loved one to that toilet to avoid any accidents.

Then they should have waited. It clearly became free quickly. What they shouldn't have done is gone into the women's toilets together.

So they should have waited then.

If the stalls in the usual ladies toilets had been engaged she would have had to wait anyway so if you literally cannot wait few seconds then maybe you shouldnt be going places without wearing incontinence pads....

So what if im caught short whilst waiting for the man and his wife to leave? It’s ok for me but not for her? Why?

Yes - I think in these situations it would help to have an old fashioned loo attendant … ( not to act as carer but to make a judgment on whether to let carers in and to inform everyone else about the situation… ( but that won’t happen)

Yes, this wouldn't bother me to be honest...

No. It's not ok. Its not ok for men to be in women's toilets when there was a disabled toilet there for them to use

This chap was clearly not a creep out for a cheap thrill or to intimidate other women. He apologised, explained his actions and it was clear (from the walking aid) the woman required physical assistance. I would have compassion under these circumstances.

My MIL got who has Alzheimer’s disease got “lost” in the toilets at our local shopping centre. The disabled were only accessible with a radar key (that they didn’t have at the time) so she went in and FIL waited outside.

Fortunately they were meeting us and I went in to her. But by the time I got to her, she was frazzled, upset and was on the verge of wetting herself as she couldn’t find her way in to a cubicle. She lacked the capacity to ask for help at this point and just kept looking.

They had no idea they were entitled to a radar key and we had no idea that she needed that level of care. They kept it secret through pride and were managing as best as possible. After this happened, the flood gates opened. We found out a lot more and were able to put things in place to help. Maybe this couple are in the same boat.

So it’s ok for me to wet myself in that circumstance because why?

I don’t want my 3 year old in the mens toilets, neither does my husband. If there isn’t a family toilet he uses the disabled one.

She wouldn't have been waiting long of she waited then, would she?

Frankly, if someone has dementia so advanced that they get this distressed in a public place they should NOT be taken there- its fucking cruel.

I think as he acknowledged his presence and apologised to you this is fine, he clearly wasn't doing it to make anyone uncomfortable.

And this is why disabled people end up unable to access the disabled toilet!

I’m so sorry that your 3 year old or husband are disabled.

oh? They’re not?

that’s the only reason they should be using the disabled toilet, but you know that.

This is getting silly.
We all have to rub along together . Your trauma is real but so is the trauma of a disabled woman who potentially faces public humiliation every day. Let’s show compassion to all women.

But never mind the dignity of all the other females who have to suck it up by having a male in the toilets, hey? No. If she insists on having a male carer she can toilet with other men. We don't have to.

It isn’t against the law
There are exceptions for male carers and cleaners.
The law only forbids men from using the women’s toilets for themselves.

No one should be happy with girls going in to use the men’s loos.
That is actually against the law for using the correct sex toilets as well as CSA laws.

Christ where do you live?

bloody nightmare near me

Compassion is that all places should be forced to have adequate disabled toilet facilities not that we should be allowing men into women's spaces

Presumably because the men's has urinals so there's a fair chance they'd see someone's penis?

I only have boys so haven't had to think about this, but I can see why parents of girls wouldn't want them in the men's toilets.

No she can’t, it is against the law for her to use the men’s toilets.

Absolutely all compassion for the woman.

but why is it Always women that are expected to move aside, put up, shut up? Why can’t they just use the accessible toilet that was in close proximity?

Did she really exist?

I'm cynical though and don't want people lurking.