Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

Maybe the womb haver could not wait, as the disabled toilet was occupied, and her tena could have been filled to capacity.🤔

I wet myself walking the dog round the block. I have to plan ahead. Why shouldn’t anyone else? It sucks but it’s not an excuse for a man to go into the ladies.

Yep.

Planning ahead isn't possible with all disabilities. Neither is the possibility of knowing if someone will be in the only disabled toilet available or even that it may be out of order which isn't unusual either.

It isn't ideal for anyone, of course it isn't. We need more disabled toilets.

As I said to another poster, it's not my problem to solve and it's interesting how whenever there's a toilet issue the ladies toilet is the go to toilet. No one ever suggests using the men's toilet. I wonder why. And don't say they don't have cubicles in the gents, because they do. She can use the gents if she needs a man with her.

My own view is that if the disabled toilet was occupied, and no one on this thread knows, he then took his wife to the most suitable toilet facilities ie the female toilets. Once he had helped his wife into the toilet he should have stepped back out beyond the main doorway and asked his wife to call for him if she needed further help or to exit safely. That would be sensible and respectful to all involved.

That happens. It’s unfortunate but it’s still not ok for a man to go into the ladies.

You think a little girl should be forced to walk by men with their penises out in urinals? Instead of grown up women coping with an unseen man in a nearby stall helping his daughter?

We do.

Yes.

I’m sorry that my trauma is inconvenient for you. I’ll be sure to let my rapist know. I am sure he will really care. He’s empathetic like that.

@Kirbert2 I agree, that there is a need for more disabled toilets.

The father can discreetly take his daughter into the Gents and distract her accordingly so she doesn’t see anything. If she’s young enough to need to be accompanied that should be easy. Take some hand sanitizer or something so no time dwelling at the sinks, just in and out a cubicle.

It’s not fair for women to have to accept a strange man in the ladies in this scenario and fathers never did this in the past.

I am genuinely sorry to hear this, however what was that woman to do Or do you not care ? i mean if you are able to plan surely you can use the disabled toilet seeing as you are physically disabled? I am not advocating for men in wonens toilets but this situation might have been an emergency and this woman might not have had anybody else to go with her, as I said posters who are rigid about this won't change their mind we are all different I am also a disabled person with toilet issues that occasionally can't plan ahead. So if a man was in with his disabled wife i would just have to go.

I personally wouldn’t be bothered, however I completely understand that some people would be.

I think it’s fine, but them I’m not a delicate lady afraid of a pensioner helping his elderly and disabled wife maintain basic human dignity in the women’s toilets.

Ofc she should be able to use the women’s toilets. That’s the law innit? If you’re the one who needs the loo and you’re an adult, you use the loo that corresponds to your birth sex, not the birth sex of your carer.

I don’t think we are hugely disagreeing. I don’t like the idea of men in female spaces. I don’t trust most men (hence my username). For me though, in this particular instance, I think it can be overlooked. I respect your stance too though.

I’m so sorry that people can be so fucking selfish. 💐

fathers never did this in the past.
Oh yes they did.

'I think it’s fine, but them I’m not a delicate lady afraid of a pensioner helping his elderly and disabled wife maintain basic human dignity in the women’s toilets'

Oh well done you.

I'm not a delicate lady afraid of oaps either.

However men should not be in women's areas it shouldn't need spelling out but here we are.

Use accessible facilities use inco pads. It should be pretty obvious.

Society these days generally doesn't look kindly on a man ushering a little girl into the gents 🤔 Don't know the answer, just pointing this (rather obvious) aspect out.

It’s irrelevant anyway. Men do not belong in the women’s toilets. No exceptions.

They should have used the disabled toilet.

Can you not see from comments on this very thread that your ‘delicate lady’ comment is so very fucking offensive to people like the PP who has massive trauma?

I hope kicking someone when they are down feels good

But as has been pointed out many times, what if she couldn't wait? If someone was in the disabled loo and she was absolutely desperate what was she meant to do? I'm really sorry you have had something so horrible happen to you but what were this couple meant to do?