I'm hoping I don't get my arse handed to me here but will absolutely accept if I'm in the wrong.
I have a long-standing friend (around 12 years now) who I'm very fond of. There are 5 of us who regularly do things together: concerts, theatre, meals out, nights around each others houses etc., so although we all have other friends and interests, I would say that we are close friends.
She never arranges or suggests anything to do and never has us round to her own house, which is fine, none of the rest of us really mind this as we know the idea of it stresses her out (although our 'in' nights are basically drinking wine and eating crisps, not fancy). I do need to point out that she suffers from anxiety. I'm not unsympathetic to this.
The issue is when we arrange anything, it's through our group chat as it's by far the easiest way to 'speak' to each other to talk about dates that we are all free etc. She never (or very rarely) responds to these. She reads them and doesn't respond. She'll message individually about how your day has been but completely ignore the other messages. We've tried all the usual things like tagging her etc but she still ignores. The problem is that if one of us is buying tickets, we don't know how many to buy. If we are arranging lifts, we don't know if we're picking her up or whose car to take etc. She waits until the very last minute then messages one of us privately, which means that person has to message everyone else to let them know what's happening because she just won't message the group chat. Last year one of us was buying tickets for us all to go to a gig and she read and didn't respond, so our other friend went ahead and booked them. Cut to the week before and she messages (in the group chat for once) and asks about arrangements. Not only did we all think that she just didn't want to come, she hadn't paid for a ticket either. She was really upset saying that we had gone ahead without her and had left her out etc etc. So she doesn't want to respond, but still wants to be included.
Now it's happened again and she has ignored my invitation to a get together. I am just sick of wondering if I've done something wrong, or said something to offend her etc. Invariably it's not that, it's just that she says she feels 'overwhelmed' by responding in the group chat. I think we're all so sick of it now. Back to my AIBU. Surely she should actually consider how her ignoring and constantly having us second guess every situation is really pretty shit on the rest of us? I'm actually starting to feel quite upset at just being ignored and I don't think this would even cross her mind.