Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

[iwonderwhythen]

I work three days a week. One day is a shorter day; the trade off for this is that I come in twice a year to help with something I’m quite knowledgeable about.

Originally I was asked to come in next Tuesday (I don’t work Tuesdays.) I checked with DH he was OK to take a days annual leave and have the children; he agreed. Now I’m not needed after all. I haven’t told him.

I am planning to just have a day to myself.

AIBU?

That sounds an exhausting weekend.

pick your battles /times so for example I prob would have skipped showers on a late night /after a party

why didn’t dh have toddler , esp for for a school event

early weekend swimming is hell anyway let alone when have toddler there as well.

so conquer and divide. If dh isn’t capable of looking after toddler at home sat am 🙄 he can take 5yr swimming alone

surely he can manage to sit in a chair and watch for 30mins

DS at 5 should be able to go play by his self /read /colour and give you an hour both sat and sun

if he has never done it , it will take some time but if at school he can sit and listen and obey so he can at home

order party stuff off amazon - don’t buy on the day

out of the 6 weekend meals dh just about managed one - giving cereal

equally at 5 can you leave a bowl covered with foil with cereal in it or in a box and leave by their bed for sat am , esp with swimming

i do that. Coz I’m a lazy parent lol

but honestly dh sounds awful and lazy

I will be honest and say I skimmed that. I know that I’m probably doing this wrong and that wrong but I don’t think there us a way to have an ‘easy’ weekend with children this age.

swimming
walk / feeding ducks
party

then

sport
little local event

we didn’t go to Scotland for the weekend or something

I’d be furious if my husband lied about this. Not because he wanted a break but because of the deception.

Why not just have a conversation. 🙃

Of course you should do it, and the way you have chosen is the one of least agro. to your partner.
'Don't tell lies' and the like is absolutely ridiculous. We all tell lies for the sake of peace for ourselves, and other people too. I've told half a dozen this weekend (I loved looking after your 2 dogs, the grass looks lovely, my mobile's out of charge, orange suits you, we'd already booked that day otherwise it would have been perfect..) etc. Probably loads more.
OP, your 1 day of freedom, here's to many more, will never add up to all the hundreds of ten minutes that I drove the long way home, just to finish listening to whatever I was listening to, and avoid the darling horde.

It's really just fixing your own oxygen first.

It’s not doing things wrong. It’s how to make things easier for yourself

and fwiw all the things you have said - absolutely take tue off and sit in a coffee shop with comfy sofas and a book

ps if he manages to cope that day then he can do it again another day

Read most of your responses.
Obviously take the day.
Get your ducks on a row because your marriage isn’t sustainable.
Enjoy your day

Your husband’s behaviour is awful.

You need to put on your own oxygen mask/ fill your own jug/ whatever metaphor so that you can continue to care for the people in your family. Your H may as well not be there for all the good he’s doing, you can’t even benefit from his higher wage.

Take the day, and take another whenever you can, because your H is an energy vampire. He’ll bleed you dry and shrug about it.

You go for it girl.
Ignore the naysayers on here ❤️❤️
I'd have done the same

I’d tell him that you’re not needed for work but that you desperately need a day to yourself so can he please still take the leave to look after the children .
If he’s arsey about it / refuses to do that you know what to do next time you’re asked .

Posting again sorry ..I didn’t read through thoroughly enough .
Just do it , have a sneaky day to yourself sound like you really really need it

Everyone needs time to themselves!

Just do it. Have a pamper day. It's one bloody day. All the moral police can have a day off just like you do. Just do it!

At first glance I thought you were being unreasonable, but after your update it sounds like he takes the piss. Maybe you should develop some unidentifiable chronic pain yourself that requires some lengthy lie downs?

This is cruel. My DH has chronic pain - to mock is unkind at best. The OP hasn’t said he is making it up.

If you don't want to lie to your husband just say ' I'm no longer needed next Tuesday at work so I've booked a hair, nail whatever appointment as you're off that day anyway so can care for the little one. This is the only appointment I can get in the next 4 months so I'm really looking forward to it' If he says he'll cancel his day off & go to work remind him that he has days off for himself & you need the same to recharge your energy levels & do something for yourself once in a while. He should understand you need a 'Me day' now & then & if he doesn't then he's selfish. If he doesn't agree to have little one then next time he has a day off leave the kids with him & go out for the day show him that you'll not put up with his selfishness anymore & if he's not working then he can spend time with his kids as that's what you do when you're not working.

Just do it OP. Your DH might genuinely have chronic pain, but he seems to be able to do the things that matter to HIM. All the breaks and long rests only seem to affect the things that would help YOU.
(Effective parenting for instance)

You’re lying by omission. The pair of you need to work as a team. If the tables were turned you’d justifiably feel betrayed if he wasn’t needed at work and swanned off.