Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

[iwonderwhythen]

I work three days a week. One day is a shorter day; the trade off for this is that I come in twice a year to help with something I’m quite knowledgeable about.

Originally I was asked to come in next Tuesday (I don’t work Tuesdays.) I checked with DH he was OK to take a days annual leave and have the children; he agreed. Now I’m not needed after all. I haven’t told him.

I am planning to just have a day to myself.

AIBU?

It's totally and completely fine. Do it.

An odd day here and there would be well spent

£900 a month is what £100 a day if 3 days ish

one day a month that’s £25 a week if above is correct

Wowsers!! Ok totally understand not wanting to do that. My nursery must be cheap!!

Can you not just be honest with him? I’ve taken a day off before when DH was supposed to be going to London and then that got cancelled, he had half the “day off” and I had the other half.

Shoot you? You deserve a flipping medal.

Given that he wouldn’t take the time if you were honest about how burnt out you feel then please do it OP.

Go and have a day of rest and relaxation. If you can afford it, do something that you enjoy.

Do what you gotta do.

If feeling guilty (or judged) chalk it up to golf!

Enjoy your day!

Nope!
The point is to say it in a way that makes it clear you will not "get lumbered with the two year old".
You think that papering over the issues will either make them go away or will at least make them bearable. Won't work.

Because changing yourself is the only thing you have power over. You can't change other people. Also doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different outcome is insanity. Op needs to find her rage and stand up for herself instead of being a passive victim. She could start by looking at why she is so conflict avoidant.

You sound awful.

Op just do it. You want to and it sounds like you need to.

Not saying don’t have a day to yourself, but be honest about it with your partner.
The resentment if he found out you’d lied… 😬 That’s no way to carry on.

I don't think it's awful, I think there is a reality to this.
While the OPs husband is clearly incapable of helping around the house and with the children, he does work full time while she works part time. On her two days off one child is at school, so does have just one child to occupy.
Surely this is a normal situation for many people where one person decides to fully take on the stay at home role or to work part time and therefore picks up more of the household responsibilities.
Yes he certainly should help at weekends, but there is some truth in being tired and life being full on working and having kids as just part of the norm.

Nope. A martyr like comment followed by "for goodness sake get on with it."

That's unnecessary.

It's not easy dealing with a teaching job, an ill DH and 2 children and there's no need for snotty comments like that.

Hey OP,

I also teach 3 days. As you'll know, they're full on. I also have 3 DC and when they were younger loved the days off with them, but they're intense. I completely get needing a break. In your circumstances I'd absolutely do what you're planning. I had/ have the advantage of a partner who would give me time to myself at weekends & also more than pull his weight.

Can I also say, do not let him/ anyone else guilt you into going full time when your DC are older, unless you want to. My youngest is 14 & I still work 3 days: he has significant ASN & I need that time to decompress/ do everything round the house I can't when he's at home. A school day is short (when you're not working it!) & before you know it you're on the school run again. I could not cope being full time, & that's okay.

Enjoy your day.

First post nails it!

If the household, childcare, mental load isn’t fairly split … it doesn’t sound as if it is, go for it! Enjoy your day off. I’d suggest a nice fancy breakfast, the cinema, lunch on the go, a spot of shopping and then a walk somewhere scenic … my exH never did his fair share of anything. I used to insist he look after our DDs when I did the weekly shop. I’d do an online click and collect order and go and sit in a coffee shop for a few hours.

You can definitely afford a day to give yourself a break sometimes then .

Oh 100% just do it. He’ll never know and you deserve a day to yourself!

I honestly don’t mean this in a high handed or lofty way but you have no way of knowing that without knowing our finances, our fixed outgoings and commitments and things that need to be paid for. DH would never agree to it, and I certainly can’t afford it so that’s that.

I don’t want to sound awful about DH. He does have good qualities (I realise I haven’t sold him on this thread) but if we take this weekend as a for instance.

Friday night; I picked DD up after nursery as always. he was supposed to have DD and I took DS to a PTA event for the school. DD ended up coming with me. So I have them both all evening. OK. I give them a quick shower, stories and bed.

(I am woken twice in the night by DD.)

Saturday - DD up at half six; has a cuddle in bed with me. Then ds is up. This forces DH up; he gives DS some cereal and that’s the extent of it while I get everyone dressed, teeth brushed, out of the house for 830 for swimming. Then after swimming we go for a walk round a pond to look at the ducklings and stay a while so it’s half twelve when we’re home. I make lunch. We eat lunch. DD then nods off (unusual but late night Friday) for an hour and is on me so I actually get to sit down. Ds is wandering around a bit aimless during this time.

I do actually get an hour to myself to dash to the shops and get a birthday present for a party. Then home, do a quick tea (because of the party) get everyone ready for party, present wrapped etc. we go to the party, leave the house at 6, home by 8. I get them showered and stories and to bed by about 9; another late one but that’s OK.

Sunday morning is a bit calmer as they sleep until 7. DH actually comes with us this time as it’s end of season for a sporting activity and there’s a barbecue. Then when he get home he lies down and I clean the kitchen. I then take the children to a charity event; we’re out 2-4, come home and DH isn’t here. I make dinner. DH home at 5. We eat dinner. Showers etc. I’m posting this as dd is in the bath.

So - you can see why I’m a bit shattered. My ‘break’ of sorts will come tomorrow when ds is at school, but I’ve still got dd tomorrow and Tuesday. Then work myself Wednesday - Friday.

It isn’t his fault but I NEED SOME TIME TO BREATHE!

If you are so exhausted can you cut back on activities?
This weekend describes particularly manic, but if most weekends are like that then no wonder you are feeling wiped out.
It sounds like Saturday is always swimming first thing and Sunday may have also been a sporting activity - but is that one now finished?

I’m exhausted because of my kids. They are exhausting in the house or out of it. In fact they are worse in the house and then we have DH as well.

It just doesn’t work like this for me and many other parents. My kids don’t relax at home, they don’t watch films, they don’t play quietly. They fight, scream, argue and charge around destroying my house. No amount of distracting, pleading or being ‘firm’ works. They’re like putting a cat and dog in the same room and asking them nicely to get along.

My youngest has the engine of a jumbo jet - he doesn’t tire, he has boundless energy and not letting him run and charge around almost seems cruel because he clearly needs it so much. He’s just a typical 3 year old boy, he has no interest in baking or anything artistic really.

It’s like saying don’t walk a dog to save yourself the energy. It’s not worth it, they just become destructive and whine constantly. As OP said my kids are exhausting both in and outside the house but at least outside all that’s required of me is sitting watching (as usually park, beach etc) rather than constant heavy intervention to keep them calm and occupied.

Do it OP!
You definitely deserve it. Don't overthink it

Op your husband is embarrassingly useless.

This actually pains me to read.

Go for it...you could mention it that evening and be a bit vague about when you found out, it was short notice so you took the opportunity to do xyz (something worthy in here) while you had the chance.

Though I don't know why we feel we have to justify ourselves. But I get it.

Honestly sounds well deserved and not something you should feel guilty about.