Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

[iwonderwhythen]

I work three days a week. One day is a shorter day; the trade off for this is that I come in twice a year to help with something I’m quite knowledgeable about.

Originally I was asked to come in next Tuesday (I don’t work Tuesdays.) I checked with DH he was OK to take a days annual leave and have the children; he agreed. Now I’m not needed after all. I haven’t told him.

I am planning to just have a day to myself.

AIBU?

In light of your updates, take the day off!

Another useless man.

You say he has never offered a weekend day but have you said to him you wanted one

if he can’t cope with a 2&5 for one day once every few months he’s a pretty crap dad and husband

Take the day.

How is it going to be any different with the day off next week you have planned? Won’t he have both kids all day then?

I have never said ‘I want a day for me. I’m sick of the kids; I love them but they are doing my head in and I need a break from it.’

I have had half a day to see friends or to have a hair appointment or similar. Not very often; we’re talking maybe three or four times a year.

In fairness he would struggle to manage both kids due to pain. And I don’t want to come back to a destroyed house. So the Tuesday works better for us both.

No, one is in school for the day.

There are plenty of men who go in early to the office and stay late when they don't need to in order to avoid family responsibilities, they are doing exactly this but for shorter periods on a regular basis. Do you think any of them have angst or guilt about it?

That is a very good point.

Could have written this myself - except the part where I actually go and take the day for myself!

Do it OP. Those saying “ooh you shouldn’t lie” clearly don’t understand your situation. If you were honest, you wouldn’t get the day.

Do what you gotta do

You need this day off. Take it. Enjoy it.

Op, I've done what you're suggesting and it was great! Allowed me to enjoy a full day of peace without the guilt of thinking 'I need to get back' or the expectation of 'you've just had a lovely day to yourself so here's the kids for you to look after all evening' when I returned.

I felt rested and ready for the chaos of family life for a bit longer.

I'd do it in your shoes as, in addition to you having a rest, it might be a good reminder for your DH firstly about how much you do for the family and second that he can pull his finger out and do some stuff occasionally rather than leaving it all to you and it won't kill him.

If he complains about how hard it is when you get back, I'd be saying "yes, yes, I find it very hard sometimes too, given that I do this almost everyday. In fact, I fantasize about abandoning you all and fleeing the country and it's only worry for the kids' welfare that's keeping me here".

Just tell him you need the day as he's got the AL already. Even if he doesn't like it at least you are being honest. Enjoy your day.

Honestly, I think you should book a day spa. Go and rest have time to yourself

Why don't you just book the youngest into nursery an extra day occasionally?
From reading back through you work part time so usually have 2 days a week with you and the toddler (as the 5 year old is at school during the day). For that reason I think rather than lying you either say upfront what you are doing or make the suggestion that the youngest goes to nursery an extra day once a month.

Because I cannot afford it!

Then you need a discussion with your husband about sharing responsibilities better and if he doesn't want to use annual leave then you need to look at paying for childcare and what can be sacrificed.
I would be annoyed if my husband asked me to take a day off so they could be covered at work, only to find out they were all on a jolly. That would break my trust in them and if you are happy to go behind your partners back then I think you have bigger issues going on.

Just do it then. I think I’d be really anxious about lying to my DW, as I don’t normally have a reason to lie but if you’re comfortable with it and you deffo won’t get caught, then just enjoy a day off and know that you deserve it, even if it’s is a sneaky thing to do

You can only discuss with someone open to discussion. Otherwise, discuss is a meaningless term (I hate it actually, it reminds me of emails at work ‘dear X, as discussed ordered find enclosed lots of extra work for you, kind regards Y’

So basically he doesn't care? What does he bring to the relationship?
As I said it sounds like there are bigger issues.

Dont you get 30 hours childcare?

Yanbu imo

Its just one day - can you stretch things and make it an overnight??

Noones perfect. Its a white lie that wont hurt your man, sorry

Absolutely have the rest. You may not get the opportunity again.

I agree with this. Also if you work 3 days a week, why can't you use your own annual leave to take a day to yourself. I regularly do that when mine are in childcare, one of the bonuses of nursery!