Vile remark at meeting - what to do?

[bagpuss90]

I’m on the committee of a local group - i was at a meeting on Thursday evening and the chair made what I’d regard as a vile remark. She referred to an individual (who she was going to approach to help with something ) as having “a face like an armpit” . She actually said “you know who I mean - the one with a face like an armpit. Everyone looked quite shocked - it was about 5 mins before the meeting wound up. But I’m still cross with myself for not walking out. Im not good if I’m put on the spot. My dilemma is what do I do ? I honestly hate stuff like that- it’s vile- it’s unkind. My DP reckons she made herself look so awful that no further action is needed. I’m tempted to resign, but I think she should go, She’s known for being very outspoken but this in my opinion crossed a line . I’ve not spoken to anyone else on the committee about it. Am I over reacting?

Oh God! This happened to me. I burst out laughing and had to apologise to the complainer.

If I had a face like an armpit I’d shave my arse and walk backwards.

Well, it gave me a laugh.

That chair doesn’t sound nice. I was also on a committee in a naice area and resigned due to the nasty behaviour of some of the others. When we were gathering for our meetings, these 2 particular women would always talk very loudly about what awful people cyclists were - in the full knowledge that I was a cyclist. Every damned meeting. I did think about complaining but decided it was pointless because they were local worthies, doing stuff like arranging coffee mornings for the elderly, so I didn’t think complaining would get me anywhere. I took the easy route out and resigned.

I was wondering that myself 😂

@bagpuss90 She sounds like a bitch. Unfortunately Committees in my experience seem to attract them in their droves. I guess it's the power trip. I wouldn't want to hear that said either OP, especially about someone who is giving up their free time to (presumably) help the community.

I’ve never really understood the spanner one but I think the wasp one easily gives a good visual.

Smacked arse, bulldg chewing on a wasp and looks like they're sucking on a lemon all give good visual images. Armpit and spanners have got me 🤔 though.

Have you been wrapped in cotton wool
all your life?

Doesn’t make much sense though (maybe she made it up). Might as well have said face like knee or face like a shoulder for all the imagery it conjures up.

I wouldn’t report.

What does a face like an armpit even look like? 🤷‍♀️

I’ve heard of face like a box of spanners, but not this.😳

It would have just made me laugh to be honest.

I kind of get it, I mean armpits are one of the less attractive body parts, but then I can’t actually visualise so maybe it’s just me!

Ring the police

I googled "face like an armpit" and didn't get any relevant hits. I did, however, find myself down a dark rabbit hole of maschalagnia. Google it if you dare

Be prepared to speak up if she is rude again. Let this one go.

Not sure there is a need to have walked out, or resigned over simply just saying something. The meeting having passed doesn't prohibit you from speaking to her to say that the language she used made you feel uncomfortable and felt unkind/inappropriate for the setting.

It's the kind of thing you might say privately while having a laugh with friends. It's unpleasant and inappropriate in the setting it was used in, especially when she was intending to ask this person for help (presumably on a voluntary basis). She sounds like the kind of person who will very quickly create divisions within a group - her acolytes that will laugh along with her vs the rest who can't be bothered with her bitchiness.

The comment wasn't very nice.

That said, it would've been a massive overreaction to have left the meeting and it would be a gargantuan overreaction to resign over it!

If you were going to do anything, it should have been at the time and be, at most, a reminder to stay professional and not make personal remarks like that in meetings.

With kindness, you need to get over it and work on speaking up in a more timely manner.

Storming out is lame - you should have said in front of everyone that it was a really unpleasant comment and reflected poorly on her.

Walking out would have been pathetic. The right course of action would have been to pull her up on it at the time. In all honesty, it’s not worth getting her up over - it was an unkind remark, worse things have happened at sea!

I think she sounds awful and out of order. But why would you resign OP? Maybe she should fuck off if she’s going to speak about volunteers like that.

Who could you talk to for advice/action? What’s the committee process for issues and complaints?

Not surprised people on here think it’s fine what she said but it isn’t.

Did the person under discussion actually look like an armpit???

A face like a smacked arse is my favourite 😆

Just waiting for someone to pop up and say but what does that mean ! 😂

That would’ve made me laugh.

Does said person have a face like an armpit?

What about having an arse that looks like a slapped face? 😂