AIBU to be angry after SIL accused me of disordered eating?

[PerfomativeDisordered]

In the Easter holidays we went away with SIL and her family. The dc get on well and we thought it might be nice for them to spend more time together. Up till now we always got on with SIL and her DP.

The plan was to go away again in the summer. However SIL spoke to DH yesterday and they’ve cancelled coming with us. Apparently my behaviour at Easter was not something they can ‘put up with or expose their teenage daughters to’

They accused me of

1. having disordered and performative eating habits and possibly an eating disorder and don’t think I should be around their girls as it’s not setting a good example. That I was affecting her as well as I made her feel stressed about food the way I ate and the quantities and how 3 cooked meals a day is gluttony yet I’m too thin so she felt huge anxiety?

2)that I’m cruel to animals as we wouldn’t allow their dog into our room in the accommodation which meant they had to get up to distract him. Apparently he loves dh and wanted cuddles and me preventing that made them feel anxious as that’s not a normal response ? I love animals I just didn’t want a dog in our bed ! Every evening and early morning he was whining and scratching and this ruined their relaxing.

Back to the eating. I eat totally normally! SIL had put the idea to dh that I must have crash dieted before the holiday , overeaten in a performative way during then accused me of ‘probably starving herself’ when home apparently to make her feel bad.
I eat very healthily and normally. Never had any kind of eating disorder and I’m a normal size (8-10 no idea what I weigh as I don’t have scales as never needed any)
a typical days eating for me is pretty standard I think:
I have eggs on toast and a smoothie for breakfast. Snack on fruit or nuts mid morning. I love lattes. Have 2-3 a day.
I love to cook so for lunches I make things like pasta salads, chicken and salmon with rice and avocado. Sometimes frittata or quiche.
Dinners I’ll have anything but it’s the biggest meal and things like curries , bolognese and garlic bread. When we were away I made a dark
choc and raspberry torte and SIL kept saying ‘well of course I can’t have dessert’ and seemed annoyed when I had 2 slices. I snack in the evening and had popcorn one night and a glass of wine and crackers and cheese another night. She said I overeat so I must be cutting back at other times to overeat around them and her daughters will see me and the amount I eat and ‘it doesn’t add up’

She doesn’t want someone ‘unstable who won’t admit there’s a problem’ around impressionable teens and it’s apparently very concerning that I dislike animals that’s a red flag apparently.

DH told her this is all ridiculous he’s known me for a long long time he knows I have zero issues that she is suggesting. I’m confused too as she’s known me a long time I’ve always been the same size ???

AIBU to be really angry at these accusations. We also have teen dds as well as younger ds. She was insinuating that im a risk to them as well and telling dh that?!

Well, someone definitely does sound like they have an issue with performative and disordered eating! I think she has done you a big favour as no way I’d be entertaining a holiday with this loon again.

Well she's got a fuckton of issues, hasn't she?
Leave her to it.

Your SIL is a loon. And probably projecting.

Sounds like SIL is jealous he’ll that you can eat anything and be a size 8-10 yet I suspect she can’t. I bet that’s the real reason she has cancelled the holiday plans

She sounds jealous. Let me guess she’s larger than you!

Bullet. Dodged.

She’s jealous of you

She sounds batshite and I would want to go no where with her. I would not want a dog that isn't mie into the bedroom either. I like animals but not in my bed or bedroom as it can trigger allergies.

Your SIL sounds like she needs a bit of mental health help as it sounds like she is suffering from everything she is accusing you of having.

Enjoy a peaceful and stress-free vacation without the food police.

The song '99 problems' is one you can now listen to and laugh.

Yeah, I thought that was a very weird and intrusive request.

It sounds like OP is perfectly healthy.
She knows her size (8-10) so knows she is of a healthy weight. I presume her DH would know if she was desperately underweight and therefore maybe understand the SIL’s “concerns”.
Not everyone needs scales to know they are a healthy size/weight.

Don't let yourself feel hurt by an unhinged person, even if it's your SIL.
Everyone's metabolism is different and you just have a faster one than she does.

I'd "innocently" make sure she finds this link, so she can see that she needs to cash a reality check before it bounces.

YOU did nothing wrong. She has issues. Many, many issues. She's jealous, petty and thinks her dog is everyone else's responsibility.

Have a relaxing vacation without Dorothy Dour along!

I would try and see this as the her issue it is. As aother posters have said, it sounds like she has the eating disorder and s projecting. Possibly she's jealous, or may be struggling with other mental health issues and focusing on you because it makes her feel unstable to be around a woman who doesn't feel the way she does.

In any case, try and lose the anger for your sake. This isn't a situation where you need some anger to help you push through and do whatever needs doing. It will just increase your stress levels. Roll you eyes at home to DH and minimize contact until such time as she's got things sorted and isn't blaming you for her own issues.

Though she does eat VERY healthy stuff that I couldn't go near, so I would say thats an eating disorder

I think cancelling the summer plans is for the best. She doesn't feel that you're compatible holiday companions and while I agree with PP's that her "reasons" are insane and likely fueled by jealousy, it's not worth arguing about. Make your own holiday plans and enjoy your break.

We once invited one of DH's sisters and her DH on holiday with us and it soon became clear that we weren't compatible holiday companions either. So we haven't repeated the experience.

Really? You think someone with a very healthy diet has an eating disorder? And the healthiness barometer is based on what you ‘couldn’t go near’? Bizarre.

Also, I would call the list of foods mentioned by the OP healthy rather than VERY healthy. I’m neither slim nor a healthy eater myself btw!

What does this mean? Who has the eating disorder? You?

She’s jealous you can eat what you like and not put weight on. Likely she cannot do the same and was obsessing over what you were eating the whole holiday. She’s done you a favour for the future.

Pretty sure this is supposed to be a joke by Grendel.

This. What else is there to say. Put it out of your mind.

Why would that help anything? OP clearly eats normally and her SIL is batshit.

She's insanely jealous of you and wants to make you feel bad.

She sounds mad. I would avoid her completely if possible. She's the one with the food issues - she seems to have watched every bite you ate - that's not normal. The dog thing is also weird - why on earth would anyone want someone else's dog in their bedroom?
She shit-stirring to distract from her own strange behaviour.

I am a healthy weight. Occasionally it's someone's birthday at work and there's a cake; I joyfully demolish a slice. There hasn't been an occasion when a woman hasn't asked me, "How do you stay so slim when you eat cake?" I reply, "Well, it's a slice five or six times a year, not every day." And they gaze wonderingly at me as they back away from the cake!

God...where do you work that every single time you eat a slice of cake someone remarks upon it.
Are they so dim as to not understand that slim people eat cake?