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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry after SIL accused me of disordered eating?

232 replies

PerfomativeDisordered · 09/05/2026 13:08

In the Easter holidays we went away with SIL and her family. The dc get on well and we thought it might be nice for them to spend more time together. Up till now we always got on with SIL and her DP.

The plan was to go away again in the summer. However SIL spoke to DH yesterday and they’ve cancelled coming with us. Apparently my behaviour at Easter was not something they can ‘put up with or expose their teenage daughters to’

They accused me of

  1. having disordered and performative eating habits and possibly an eating disorder and don’t think I should be around their girls as it’s not setting a good example. That I was affecting her as well as I made her feel stressed about food the way I ate and the quantities and how 3 cooked meals a day is gluttony yet I’m too thin so she felt huge anxiety?

2)that I’m cruel to animals as we wouldn’t allow their dog into our room in the accommodation which meant they had to get up to distract him. Apparently he loves dh and wanted cuddles and me preventing that made them feel anxious as that’s not a normal response ? I love animals I just didn’t want a dog in our bed ! Every evening and early morning he was whining and scratching and this ruined their relaxing.

Back to the eating. I eat totally normally! SIL had put the idea to dh that I must have crash dieted before the holiday , overeaten in a performative way during then accused me of ‘probably starving herself’ when home apparently to make her feel bad.
I eat very healthily and normally. Never had any kind of eating disorder and I’m a normal size (8-10 no idea what I weigh as I don’t have scales as never needed any)
a typical days eating for me is pretty standard I think:
I have eggs on toast and a smoothie for breakfast. Snack on fruit or nuts mid morning. I love lattes. Have 2-3 a day.
I love to cook so for lunches I make things like pasta salads, chicken and salmon with rice and avocado. Sometimes frittata or quiche.
Dinners I’ll have anything but it’s the biggest meal and things like curries , bolognese and garlic bread. When we were away I made a dark
choc and raspberry torte and SIL kept saying ‘well of course I can’t have dessert’ and seemed annoyed when I had 2 slices. I snack in the evening and had popcorn one night and a glass of wine and crackers and cheese another night. She said I overeat so I must be cutting back at other times to overeat around them and her daughters will see me and the amount I eat and ‘it doesn’t add up’

She doesn’t want someone ‘unstable who won’t admit there’s a problem’ around impressionable teens and it’s apparently very concerning that I dislike animals that’s a red flag apparently.

DH told her this is all ridiculous he’s known me for a long long time he knows I have zero issues that she is suggesting. I’m confused too as she’s known me a long time I’ve always been the same size ???

AIBU to be really angry at these accusations. We also have teen dds as well as younger ds. She was insinuating that im a risk to them as well and telling dh that?!

OP posts:
Original poster
PerfomativeDisordered · 09/05/2026 15:43

NoisyHiker · 09/05/2026 15:20

Yanbu...but do tell your secrets witch! I am jealous!

I am far from a perfomative under eater, but if I have more than a light lunch and normal dinner regularly I start plonking on the weight!

That is with 30 minute jog every day, 1 hour dog walk in the woods every day and three weight training sessions. Maybe it is my PCOS?

I actually have what my GP referred to as ‘thin PCOS’ and I needed fertility treatments to have dc. One thing the consultant advised was myo inositol which I think did help as cleared up some hormonal acne and chin hairs I had. I’ve heard it’s good for metabolism too so maybe worth a try. I also had oestrogen dominance throughout my treatments (although this was years ago now and they told me to eat lots of green veg and more fibre to help) which is apparently a feature of PCOS.

to add also weights rather than cardio - I go to the gym twice a week and this has been better for me and has helped with peri symptoms.

OP posts:
Wiseplumant · 09/05/2026 15:45

SlumChum · 09/05/2026 15:19

I'd take the sarcastic high road with this:
"I had no idea you were experiencing so much anxiety on our holiday, that must have been awful for you. Yes, it sounds like we'd better holiday separately. I hope you have a much more peaceful holiday this time round"

Perfect.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 09/05/2026 15:50

Blimey 😵‍💫.

OP, eat and drink what you like. If you want to be fit and slim, eat what you like. If you want to be overweight, eat what you like. None of anyone’s business.

I would probably remember what I had to eat on holiday because you’re in a different place, different shops and cafes, and everything is done on ‘holiday mode’.

I was going to say you can all have peaceful holidays next time but then my demon mind took over…….if you somehow did go away together you could write here and we could be entertained and we could support you.

And a pp saying you were eating in front of your sil, well - did it never occur to you to do an extended fast? Tut tut 🤣.

rainbowunicorn · 09/05/2026 15:51

Viviennemary · 09/05/2026 14:16

I wouldn't go on holiday with a dog. You do seem to eat quite a lot which is none of her business.

Absolutely no need for your snidey comment. OP eats what a normal person eats.

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 09/05/2026 15:55

Honestly she sounds ridiculous and I would be happy not to go away with them again

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/05/2026 16:13

She’s got her own disordered eating to deal with, clearly.

Chatsbots · 09/05/2026 16:13

Batshit.

I love my dogs but would look after them and definitely not have them bothering people in bed.

Food, yep, my DH is tall and eats loads and is a BMI around 20 and I'm as fat as hell. I've done all the cooking for years and it's just the way it is when you're shorter with a shit metabolism (tested plus thyroid issues)...so it's perfectly possible to have the ability to eat more, you're just taller and your TDEE is higher. Plus you sound really sensible and probably haven't buggered up your metabolism.

Have a nice holiday away from whatever is going on with your SiL. Mine is also weird about food and stuff and goes on about dogs and food a lot. I cba'd with it.

AgnesMcDoo · 09/05/2026 16:16

she sounds awful and I think you should welcome them not coming and look To avoid her at all costs going forward

what an arsehole

loislovesstewie · 09/05/2026 16:19

She sounds unhinged. FWIW the dog thing is completely mad. It's HER Dog, why should you have him in your room?
I don't let pets into my bedroom, the only time I did was when DH died and the dog was distressed. Dear dog did it for 2 nights then just went back to his basket as usual.
In your place I would heave a sigh of relief that you don't have to have more nonsense.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/05/2026 16:22

She is so jealous she can't see straight. You HAVE to be lying because if she ate what you eat she would pile on weight, totally disregarding the fact that everyone is different!

I have a friend who is 6/8 and has always been very slim, she has a small frame so carries it well. The amount of food that woman can pack away has to be seen to be believed! You half expect her to finish a meal looking like a snake who has swallowed an ostrich egg! Thats just how she is!

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/05/2026 16:24

And re the dog.....sounds like she was thinking that you should help look after the dog so they can have a lie in and was pissed off that you didnt, a bit like someone who decides someone else can look after their kids so "I can enjoy my holiday".

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/05/2026 16:25

Viviennemary · 09/05/2026 14:16

I wouldn't go on holiday with a dog. You do seem to eat quite a lot which is none of her business.

Snide.

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 09/05/2026 16:28

KeepingItAnonForThisOne · 09/05/2026 13:17

Respond ‘not a problem, kind of relieved tbh because the dog ruined our holiday anyway’

Shes already accusing you of disliking animals so I’d use that just to wind her up lol

Excellent response.

JustSawJohnny · 09/05/2026 16:29

When we were away I made a dark
choc and raspberry torte and SIL kept saying ‘well of course I can’t have dessert’ and seemed annoyed when I had 2 slices. I snack in the evening and had popcorn one night and a glass of wine and crackers and cheese another night. She said I overeat so I must be cutting back at other times to overeat around them and her daughters will see me and the amount I eat and ‘it doesn’t add up’

She sounds so ignorant.

I think you should message her and tell her that her comments are accusatory and rude. That it's not your fault if you have a fast metabolism and if she can't handle you having a few treats on holiday then it's probably a good thing she doesn't want to go away with you again.

She sounds utterly ridiculous.

NoisyMonster678 · 09/05/2026 16:35

I think she is jealous of you OP, and she is bitter and twisted because her jealousy and that she can not eat the foods you eat without gaining weight. It is fortunatle you have a healthy appetite, you do not need to change, she does.

She has the food issues and is blaming you because her attitude is bad, she has become a toxic person and she is deflecting blame on you.

She needs to apologise for being rude to you and she should be ashamed of herself.

SpaDaysForAll · 09/05/2026 16:35

She sounds hard work!

Bye, Felicia

wordler · 09/05/2026 16:38

@PerfomativeDisordered

I think it’s odd that it’s suddenly come out now after years of knowing her so something else is going on in her household.

She’s either worried about her own weight or one of her daughters. And that anxiety has spilled over unfairly onto you.

I’d assume she has been restricting treats and portions at home and explained it as more healthy to prevent putting on weight, and then her DDs have noticed that you don’t restrict portions and maintain a healthy weight which has made her defensive.

“But Auntie Performative had dessert, and her kids had dessert. And cooked breakfast and a pizza for lunch” etc etc

ShizeItsWeegie · 09/05/2026 16:49

Someone getting upset because you won't let her dog sleep in your bed is a nutter. Normal people restrict contact with nutters as far as possible.

Bullet dodged for the future I say.

Kittyfur · 09/05/2026 16:50

Tabla · 09/05/2026 14:40

So it seems like a good result. You surely do not want to spend a holiday or much time at all with someone who treats you this way.

That said, society is utterly despicable towards women who are overweight. The mental illness resulting from it is so prevalent and torturous. Even in people who are not overweight but consider themselves to deviate from society’s obsession with looking perfect. You are very lucky not to have ever needed scales and to remain a size 8-10 after 3 kids whilst being able to eat 3 very decent meals, snacks, cheese, wine, several lattes etc. I get that it’s not pleasant to be accused of having an ED, but it’s a whole lot less pleasant than actually having one or watching every single morsel that passes your lips - which it sounds like she has to. I mean compare it with this kind of statement: I don’t check my bank balance/statements, never needed to. In the Easter we go skiing, summer to Italy and autumn to Florida. In between we go on city breaks and at Christmas sometimes we do Lapland. Oh and Milan was so nice we decided to go 2 weekends in a row. Nobody would argue that this statement isn’t tone deaf. Society has made the food issue the same.

That doesn’t excuse the accusations she made. But it does go some way towards explaining them.

I kind of agree with you

Jamesblonde2 · 09/05/2026 16:52

She doesn’t understand how you can eat so much and keep so tall and slim. Size 8-10 at your height and eating that as normal and not gaining weight is good.

But it’s none of my business.

kkloo · 09/05/2026 16:58

Tabla · 09/05/2026 14:40

So it seems like a good result. You surely do not want to spend a holiday or much time at all with someone who treats you this way.

That said, society is utterly despicable towards women who are overweight. The mental illness resulting from it is so prevalent and torturous. Even in people who are not overweight but consider themselves to deviate from society’s obsession with looking perfect. You are very lucky not to have ever needed scales and to remain a size 8-10 after 3 kids whilst being able to eat 3 very decent meals, snacks, cheese, wine, several lattes etc. I get that it’s not pleasant to be accused of having an ED, but it’s a whole lot less pleasant than actually having one or watching every single morsel that passes your lips - which it sounds like she has to. I mean compare it with this kind of statement: I don’t check my bank balance/statements, never needed to. In the Easter we go skiing, summer to Italy and autumn to Florida. In between we go on city breaks and at Christmas sometimes we do Lapland. Oh and Milan was so nice we decided to go 2 weekends in a row. Nobody would argue that this statement isn’t tone deaf. Society has made the food issue the same.

That doesn’t excuse the accusations she made. But it does go some way towards explaining them.

But she didn't make any tone deaf statement, she didn't speak about it to her, she just existed and ate her food.

Turnitoffnonagain · 09/05/2026 16:59

She's ridiculous, this wouldn't even annoy me since her attitude means there won't be a repeat holiday anyway. Take it as an easy and welcome win. 🏆

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/05/2026 17:07

Tabla · 09/05/2026 14:40

So it seems like a good result. You surely do not want to spend a holiday or much time at all with someone who treats you this way.

That said, society is utterly despicable towards women who are overweight. The mental illness resulting from it is so prevalent and torturous. Even in people who are not overweight but consider themselves to deviate from society’s obsession with looking perfect. You are very lucky not to have ever needed scales and to remain a size 8-10 after 3 kids whilst being able to eat 3 very decent meals, snacks, cheese, wine, several lattes etc. I get that it’s not pleasant to be accused of having an ED, but it’s a whole lot less pleasant than actually having one or watching every single morsel that passes your lips - which it sounds like she has to. I mean compare it with this kind of statement: I don’t check my bank balance/statements, never needed to. In the Easter we go skiing, summer to Italy and autumn to Florida. In between we go on city breaks and at Christmas sometimes we do Lapland. Oh and Milan was so nice we decided to go 2 weekends in a row. Nobody would argue that this statement isn’t tone deaf. Society has made the food issue the same.

That doesn’t excuse the accusations she made. But it does go some way towards explaining them.

Well you might have a point if the OP had spent the whole week exclaiming that she can eat anything she likes and still stay slim, but she didnt. The only person who brought it up was the SIL.

To use your analogy it would be like SIL cutting them off because they went on multiple holidays and as SIL cant afford that assumes that they paid with the proceeds of crime.

frockandcrocs · 09/05/2026 17:12

She’s jealous.

Happyjoe · 09/05/2026 17:14

I'd think it were a lucky escape because any other holiday you're going to be hyper-aware she's watching your food intake like a hawk.

Let her get on with her life and enjoy yours, go put your feet up with a late and a chip butty!

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