AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

I'm so sorry for your loss - how utterly tragic. I hope you and your kids are doing well.

DH proposed at home, after taking me for dinner, on our anniversary. I kind of knew it was coming. No ring (he knew I wanted a family one), no down on one knee. I interrupted him part way through (I'm still mortified about that). It was far from picture perfect. We took some pictures a couple of weeks later with the ring on a dog walk to share on FB (back when that was pretty much all there was).

I can't imagine anything worse than discovering there was a photographer lurking in our kitchen for that very private moment between the two of us.

I can understand feeling disappointed if you told him a photographer is what you'd want and he didn't do it. It's not embarrassing not to have a photographer though. I'm early thirties and think that's a strange thing to find embarrassing.

You might think that those of us who have been married 20/30/40 years don’t get it because we’re too old, but we’re the ones commenting who HAVE stayed married for all that time. We might just know what we’re talking about when we said not everything has to be recorded to be remembered.

But what if that’s not what he wanted? My DH is a really private person and I know it would be his worst nightmare to have had someone film his proposal. Why should her preferences take priority over his?
My DH couldn’t stand the idea of a first dance. He said he’d just be worrying about it all day. We didn’t have one, because his preferences are equally as valid and mine. I got my preferences on other things.

MNers have never let this get in the way of a good pile-on

That’s ridiculous. You mean like if it wasn’t captured on film it didn’t happen? For goodness sakes it’s a moment between the two of you, you don’t need a witness!

There really isn’t a wide range of views, 99% of posters thing YABU 🤦‍♀️

Seriously? I know I'm old and I got engaged over 30 years ago but seriously...it's all if there aren't pics it didn't happen . Why not go and book an engagement shoot if you want memory pictures for yourselves...that's been a thing for a good while...but all this capturing the moment nonsense is madness. And now it's spoiled what should have been a lovely personal moment just for the two of you. My OH proposed when we were just sat on his bed in his flat after being out in the park with mates. It was spontaneous funny and lovely. No pics we went and bought a ring the next day .

I agree. I asked for a private proposal myself, no audience and dh followed my wishes. If I asked for that and he proposed in a crowded restaurant or something I wouldn't have liked it.
No idea what op's fiancé wanted/didn't want, unless I've missed something. But if op said she'd love a photographer and he didn't arrange one, I'm just saying I can sort of understand why that would bother someone.
When I told my friends I was engaged though they asked to see a pic of the ring, nobody just assumed there would have been a photographer there and this was 2/3 years ago.

From my DH, if I recall correctly, I got 'shall we get married then or wot?' some time in the early 1990s. 😂

And there were no pictures or videos of it! Thankfully! 😆

Though he did ask me to get engaged (3 years before we got married, which was a little bit more romantic as we were in Amsterdam at the time, and he had brought the ring with him.)

I have a photograph of me posing with the ring on at a table with a bottle of wine on it, but we never set a date or talked about getting married, even though, getting engaged usually means marriage some day.... He just said 'are we getting married then or wot?' one day, 3 years after we got engaged, and I said 'er yeah...' and we started planning it a month later (then got married 3 months after that...)

This!!
Also we're not bloody fossils. We have kids in their 20s and 30a and we're on the internet. We understand insta and the "modern" culture (spoiler alert ...people are still people...) .

Sounds beautiful and perfect to me!

But is it on Strava OP? If not then it definitely didn’t happen!

Your struggle is real. ✊

Or maybe he "did nothing with it" Because he knew it was important and personal.

Come on...you were on a romantic break... That's doing quite enough!!

Omg...know your worth!? If a video is more important to you, then you are not worth it

Who would he have arranged to do it in Rome? Were you there with others?

You sound really ungrateful and entitled. The person you love just proposed and you’re ruining the memory of it with this childish behaviour.

Did I hear anyone say Bridezilla 🙄

Nonsense. Was watching TV with my partner last year, ads came on, I saw him shuffle through the corner my eye, looked over and there he was on his knees (both of them) asking me to marry him. Magical

Yet everyone is still engaging. I suppose it's good people are using this very well designed to be enraging Thread to get it out rather than anything in the real world I suppose

Not RTFT, only @KatieHW's replies.

I'm one of the crumbles the OP so scorns.

Surely, if the proposal was genuine, there was always the chance you'd say no.
Who would want this recorded?
For this to work you'd already have to have agreed to marry, so you're already engaged.
Yes, you should be embarrassed.

LTB

Thank goodness someone with sanity

Very true! We only have one picture that we actually look at and that’s because it was the one my parents had framed! So we just see it as their house:)

@KatieHW why does every moment have to be captured by video/photographs? whatever happened to enjoying the moment and remembering it!