AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

I sometimes wonder if some of the posts on MN are real, or just for a reaction!

I can’t believe anyone expects their proposal to be filmed and I always cringe a bit for people who feel the need to film it. It is supposed to be an intimate moment between two people in love.This is up there with people who complain about what ring they get..the world has gone nuts! Your poor fiancé.

🙂👍❤️

My own proposal was in the oncology department at Hull Royal Infirmary. Just for a bit of perspective...

My husband proposed in a shop doorway I said no in shock and burst into tears. 20 years on we still regularly laugh about it and I still remember every second and can see it in technicolour if I close my eyes. Why on earth would you need photos of such a private moment that would a third person present wouldn't it?

This sounds like one where you are far more focussed on the wedding than the marriage. These are often the marriages that don't outlive the bills from the wedding by very long.

I had just got out of bed on Christmas Day. No make up, scruffy hair and morning breath. That was 15 years ago. There's more to a lengthy marriage than posting on Insta. Plus most people don't give that much of a toss

That’s it, force them to spend hundreds on you before they even get to the wedding

The trouble with photos is that as time passes you remember the photo rather than the event itself. I think YABVU and are more concerned with the reactions of others and attention than the fact that you’re engaged.

Ridiculous! What next, people posting Instagram videos of their first shag?! It was a personal moment between you and your DP and you will always have a special memory of it. It doesn't need to be viewed by all and sundry.

Seriously, OP, in years to come you will be so glad to think your proposal was somethng private and uttterly personal between you and your husband, and wasn't something he performed for a waiting video cameraman. Point out to your silly friends that you are delighted your fiance is not shallow like theirs.

Of course you are

Take it from me,a 40 year old with some experience on social media: the ones with the most couple cringy pictures, videos and "#loveofmylife# #makingmemories #etccringycap" are the ones that don't make it. That is because these are the couples that are most insecure in their relationship, hence trying to prove the world (and themselves) how solid they are. In reality, dear OP, if you are indeed solid you don't need to prove anything to anyone, you live your life in anonymous bliss with the odd family holiday photo album added once or twice a year. And, I promise you, anyone seeing your engagement photos would cringe with secondhand embarassment for you. So grow up, OP and smell the coffee, you got the wrong ideea on why people have phptographers for their most intimate moments.

So he surprised you with a trip to Rome and proposed to you there? How on earth was he supposed to take photos of the moment? Presumably he had a ring box in his hands and couldnt manage to juggle a phone for selfies too! Or did you expect him to fly a friend out to join you on your romantic trip, or maybe just prop his phone up somewhere and hope to capture the moment 🤷‍♀️

Also, I got engaged less than 5 years ago and I have never heard of a single person arranging for photos to be taken of their engagement. If your fiancé didn’t do this knowing you wanted it, it’s probably because he doesn’t think it’s worth trying to find an Italian photographer to take pictures of his private life (and what if you said no? Or only said yes because there was a professional photographer present - what a moment to remember and pay for). If this is really important to you and you think it really says something that he ignored your important wishes, leave him then. What are you expecting anyone to say?

Seriously, "performing" your engagement for a camera definitely doesn't demonstrate high standards.

I feel so sorry for your fiance - he goes to all the trouble to arrange a trip to Rome and proposes to you there, and you throw the whole thing in his face because he chose not to cheapen the moment by getting a video. You have such different standards, I wouldn't blame him for cancelling the whole thing.

Unreasonable doesn't even cover it. Who does that?! What the actual fuck is wrong with you? My fiancé proposed (with a ring) at home in our pyjamas. We had a few (more) drinks (it was also my birthday), my teenage sons came home from work and we all celebrated together and cried happy tears. He died suddenly 6 months later. You sound insufferably shallow and vacuous.

We got engaged a month and a half ago. It happened on our last night in Venice on the way to pick up something I saw in a shop near St Mark's Basillica.

My now DF chose the square to propose. It came out of the blue and took me a few minutes to realise what was happening. Random guy selling roses started handing me roses and my brain went mad as DF carries no cash these days. Thankfully he did actually have a few euros on him. We actually spent the next ten mins laughing and then he suggested we did a selfie style photo that he uploaded to Facebook tagging me in it with "she said yes". We then called parents etc.

I actually love our proposal. It wasn't perfect, my brain was all over the place followed by panic over the dozen or so roses I had at one point followed by laughing so hard we both cried.

But to me the memories and that slightly blurred photo are perfect!

So think about the proposal and how you felt because thats absolutly worth far more than him having arranged a photographer stalk you for the perfect shot or some bizarre staged scene.

Oh what a trite problem to have. Grow up and be grateful you have a decent husband to be.

Ngl, I think it's sad AF that you care about this! Nobody else actually cares about the photos that weren't captured, they're so insignificant and why can't you just be happy that someone loves you enough to propose? One day you'll die and the photos will decompose or be burnt - honestly, nobody cares.

Fwiw I'm late 20s, married, 2 children and dngaf about photos - live in the moment I say!

Hopefully from my abbreviated language you can tell I'm of a similar age to you.

Grow up and stop the lip filler!

And what if the person says no! I think it's really stupid, unless you're Taylor Swift, or someone used to no privacy.
And should he just have his mates/professional photographer following randomly every date, so the proposal can be a surprise? And maybe a make up artist on hand, to make the photos better? Just get AI to make them if it matters so much.

I was nodding in agreement with your scenario just us at home just up it was her birthday also.
Sorry to read the last part how devastating and sorry for your loss.

If this is a problem now then I hope the fiance sees sense and runs for the hills! Would she expect the conception of their first child to be videoed for social media?

Not all of us get proposals. Some of us just serve it to the man that on this and this date is wedding day or all ends

Wow. Just wow. A surprise trip to Rome and you still wanted more?

Is this about love or a demonstration/projection that you require to 'prove' his love to you. How much more did he need to do? Why must what he gives you be soley on your terms?

May I remind you that 50% of married couples divorce. You may not be looking back on the proposal some years down the line with particularly fond memories.

No, you will be kicking yourself for believing that a legal contract was something you poured your whole self into, thinking it would deliver something almost impossible: life-long happiness.

Most couples I know who are still married are unhappy and would quite like a separate life. What seems to dictate the decision is how much money there is. The rich ones divorce, the poor ones have no choice but to stay. And then there are the ones who do get divorced, the other 50%.

I'd say probably only 10% are happily married some years down the line.

Get over yourself OP. You're projecting far too much expectation into the future.