AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

I suspect he can never get anything right no matter how hard he tries

you had a beautiful engagement and you are letting your friends ruin it because you’re embarrassed not to be able to give them a slide show of the event

😂

Where in my post did I say when I got married? V rude

You DF arranges to propose to you in Rome and you are still criticising him! A word of advice if you wish to have a happy long marriage-don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles.

Having a photo of your proposal has no value. You had the experience and that what matters at the end of the day. Maybe he wanted a really intimate proposal without a camera person! I'm sure you took photos after the proposal and in Rome as well which are just as good if not better.

We are indeed in modern times, but the overwhelming majority of people consider and engagement to be a decision to get married to the person you love. A private, intimate moment between two people, not a film set.

My dc, nieces and nephews, Godchildren, dcs' friends, dc of my friends are all of an age where there have been plenty of engagements over the last few years. All of them have managed it without a camera crew in tow.

I dont think you are a real person. No real person could be this ungrateful and vacuous.

Theres nothing wrong with having standards - you need to know your worth x

Good grief, I've heard it all now. How utterly self-centred. Does he know what he's letting himself in for? Is he a masochist?

Yes that's the way it's likely to go if there are already fireworks about a photograph!

That’s not having standards, it’s being a princess.

It sounds like your boyfriend doesn’t think you’re worth the effort you expect.

LTB

This is exactly what your DF needs to know. It's not about standards at all but what you prioritise in life. A photograph should be way down the list. If your worth is just about getting a photo then really you have no worth.

Op, logistically what did you expect.. Him to hire a photographer who is hiding and on some cue walks up to start filming?

I honestly can't see how the intrusion of an 3rd person with a camera could enhance a proposal. How did you react? Did you say Yes, have a kiss and then look around for the non existent film crew ??

This isn't about age, I think you were unrealistic. Just because you want something doesn't mean you get it. Please concentrate on the marriage, given the stats on divorce perhaps you will get another chance?

I’d hate that. My husband handed me a ring and asked if I wanted to make an honest man of him! It is a great memory and I’d have hated to have it all staged with a photographer.

And do him a favour in the long run!

I don’t measure my worth in photos or videos of life events.

But the point is that it’s not important. Your fiancé spent hundreds if not thousands of pounds on a wonderful, romantic, surprise proposal and all you can manage is a whinge about the fact that there isn’t a video of one of the most nerve wracking moments of his life! Can you not understand how unbelievable shallow it all sounds?

So who did you expect to take the photos/video?

@KatieHW you weren't satisfied with a holiday to Rome.

Did you expect him to bring a photographer with him?

What are your plans for the wedding?

I get this is a wind up thread but ‘knowing your worth’ isn’t the right basis for a healthy marriage. He’s not there to look after you or be your carer or put you on a pedestal. Aim for equals or you’re going to get a shock

😂

You’re getting a hard time on here! It’s clear that for you, documenting the proposal mattered, whether you were going to post it on social media or not. You even told your partner ‘hey this is important to me’ and when something is important to us, we might reasonably expect our partner to take it into account. Your partner didn’t so now you’re left with happiness about the proposal , sadness that it wasn’t documented and disappointment that your partner didn’t take your wants on board. The sadness will heal over time if you acknowledge, allow it to be there and offer yourself some compassion. The equally important part of this is around your partner not taking your wants on board. Was it not communicated properly, did he just not understand how much it mattered , did he see things differently and so paid lip service to it at the time but with no plans to follow through on it.

When things have settled and your emotions calmed , it might be worth having a conversation about this - not to attack or to blame but to prevent this dynamic of expressing what matters and it being disregarded , from being part of the structure you build in your relationship together.

I wish you well.

Obviously your fiancé doesn’t know your worth, probably best to chuck him back in the sea babes, then you can find someone who knows that love is measured in how many photos and videos you take of each other xxx

I’m trying really hard to see this from the side of him not considering your wants and needs. I just can’t.

The desire to document every life moment interferes with the moments themselves.

That you can’t find pure joy in a Rome engagement to the man you love is really sad. I actually think you should reconsider the marriage. I’m not sure the two of you have values that are in strong enough alignment to last a lifetime.

Pope Leo.