AIBU to feel upset there are no photos of my proposal?

[KatieHW]

DP proposed to me a couple of weeks ago. I feel really sad he didn’t arrange for anyone to capture this, there’s no photos let alone videos. I have said to him in the past that if I was to ever get engaged then it would be important for me to be able to look back on it in the future. When I put in my friends group chat I was engaged they all asked to see what happened and it was embarrassing to say DP didn’t think of this.

This makes me glad I'm ancient. Never heard of anything so utterly preposterous as arranging for someone to take photos of what's meant to be a special, private moment.

But it’s not about photos and sharing it is it? So weird.

You beat me to it!

Yeah - it didn't happen.

You're not engaged OP.

Oh get a grip. My DH proposed on a whim, in a restaurant in Paris, no ring, no bended knee, just grabbed my hand over the table and asked. We got the waiter to take a pic of us but didn't tell him we just got engaged.

You don't need photos for a moment to be special

In which case don't marry him because he won't get any better at these things than he is now. Perhaps he isn't the man for you.

And when divorce papers are served, if it's all captured on camera, no doubt OP will be very happy.😉

It's a very private moment. No need to share it with anyone. Perhaps your fiancé (sensibly) wanted to keep it that way?

Yes everyone, we are in MODERN times now don’t you know? Do try and keep up.

Why are some people determined to suck the joy out of everything by imagining slights (I have no photos or video boohoo)?
I proposed after a shag when we were both butt naked, I'm eternally grateful there's no video evidence!

But what if you'd said no? It's meant to be private and not pressure you. If there's a photographer there it sounds like it's a done deal and you've discussed it and agreed it already, in which case it's meaningless and just handing over a ring. If that's the case you can just stage it again.

"We are in modern times now"

OMG, I forgot that when I got engaged there was only a sketch artist available...😨🤦🏻‍♀️

FML if you're like this now, your OH needs a medal.
Or a good shake so he comes to his senses.

My then boyfriend and I were in a cabaret club where Scott Walker had been performing.
Maybe it was the romance of the night (or the bacardi and cokes) but bf actually dropped down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
It was spur of the moment, no rehearsal, no ring, definitely no cameras....and the surrounding tables applauded when I accepted.

I can still remember the dress I wore, the suit he wore, what songs Scott sang....everything about that night, and we don't need photos to remind us.
This was decades ago.

@KatieHW is the important bit getting engaged. And if you don’t need it for social media, it’s no different when us oldies got engaged as there were cameras around then too!

I assume he didn't because of one or more of the following:
a) he forgot
b) he disagreed with the idea
c) he thought it was a weird thing to do (maybe he is an old fart in his heart like the rest of us?)

LTB

The only value engagement has is performative. It doesn't change anything, just about putting a ring on to announce it to people even though nothing has happened yet.

This is just bizarre and I can’t think of any reason why there would be an expectation for arrangements to be made to photograph a proposal, or why anyone would want pictures. 🤣🤣🤣

Close your eyes as recall the moment. My husband is shy and proposed in a lovely low key way, no photographs, and I can see that moment clear as day and it's beautiful. The wedding is the day to capture in photographs as its so busy you can't remember it all, but an engagement is between you and your fiance.

Let's say there were photos but for whatever reason it was impossible to post them on social media, would you care as much?

I'm so old that I was furious that he didn't have a cave painting commissioned

Maybe your third or fourth husband will get it right? 🤞

It would be totally weird to have photos of my proposal cos he did it in bed. He alway laughed at his friends who planned lavish, romantic proposals it never occured to him that I might want one. I also know if I had said no due to how/where he did it he would not have asked again.

What if he didn’t agree it’s important? Or is it all about what you want? Did you expect him to hire a photographer etc at great expense?

My DH brought the ring on holiday with us so couldn’t have arranged a photographer as he was waiting for the right moment. He could have asked a stranger but I feel it would have ruined the special private moment between us.

I am 40 so probably a little older than you but I did have social media at the time I got engaged. Friends did post pics of them getting engaged “in action”. Just seems a bit showy to me.

I think it’s sad that your friends need to “see what happened” and can’t just enjoy your description - and the obligatory photo of your ring / selfie of you both with ring held up.

Why is no one able to remember things without staged photo shoots anymore? Get a grip.

You say it was important, but was it something he wanted? For many people a proposal is a very special, private moment, to be taken very seriously as it is a life changing decision. I know my DH would not have wanted a photographer there, that's so intrusive. Why should your desire to share photos override his desire to have it as something just between the two of you? Can't you just take a photo of the ring?

I happen to have DD (early 20s) and 3 of her friends in the house atm. I asked them what they thought about arranging a photographer for a proposal and they all shuddered and made vomit noises.