AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

[Cljw]

My partner is on mat leave, I work full time. Then when i get home, i have to tidy up after her and the mess that has been made throughout the day, do the washing and cooking etc. (Woe is me, i know) but when i voice my feelings regarding this, i get the 'im looking after our child, i dont have time to do any of that.' So AIBU to ask her to do some housework?

As I said, why would he be bothered about her laundry. Just do his own. Leave hers in the laundry basket. If he is looking after the baby he can suggest she cooks dinner.

And she said she can't, so now what do you suggest the OP do?

Tell me you've never experienced the sleep deficit induced brain fog of new motherhood or the sense of being completely overwhelmed without telling me...

Well said!!

Eh, lots of us have.

I've certainly experienced a baby/toddler who woke 10+ times a night, whilst also juggling a toddler and work.

Oh, and a seriously ill child in hospital for months, who require far more care when she came home than a newborn, and getting to grips with tube feeding etc.

I still managed to wash my pants 🙄

I am sure she will be able to wash her pants at the weekend especially if OP does his share of looking after his child.

Seeing as the OP isn't interracting on his own thread, it's probably a sign that he just wants to park the blame on the mother of his child & all the questions and suggestions aren't what he wants to hear.

She hasn't been.

There's is zero indication that he isn't pulling his weight with baby.

If people can manage looking after multiple children and babies, and find time to put a load of laundry on, then I'm sure it's not beyond the wife here either, with her one baby.

I'd say his attitude is a good indication.

Do you live in the house with them or something? OP wrote a short few sentences and yet you seem to know everything about them, including that she hasn't been washing her pants at the weekend.

@Babyboomtastic
What are they doing right now?
Can you see her sleeping soundly and the OP up doing a night feed?

Who knows. We've only got the one post to go on, and the op hasn't been back. But what I'm seeing is a lot of assumptions that he must be useless because he's a man, rather than actually going on what is written.

The vast majority of parents, mums or dads, can manage to do some other bits whilst looking after a baby. No one is taking about a deep clean here, just the basics of being an adult. If a parent truly can't manage that whilst looking after a baby, it wouldn't be safe for them to have a second baby etc. fortunately, most of us can multitask fine, even with a clingy baby.

Well that's what I said, OP only wrote a short few sentences but you're acting like you live in the house with them making out that you know that the OPs partner hasn't even been washing her pants at the weekend 🤔🤔

And all that hyperbole about how it wouldn't be safe is just a horrible attempt to shame and degrade the poor woman into doing the housework. There's no reason whatsoever to assume that a woman navigating what appears to be her first baby wouldn't settle into a good routine with her second.

You know i think while my OH is at work im just going to not do any housework today, im pretty tired, 2yo had me up fair few times last night and i have been sleep deprived for over 2 years, im sure my other kids will be able to sort themselves out, not sure how my disabled son is gonna get himself dressed 🤔 and on the bus but meh im a mother and im tired from looking after my youngest 🤷🏻‍♀️ so sod everything and everyone else.

A woman on maternity leave isn't keeping up with the housework so her poor, poor partner has to do it and now the story has grown arms and legs with insinuations that if she had a disabled child she'd just leave them to it. 🙄Ridiculous

At one point i had a 5yo a 3yo and newborn twins- they are 16,14 and 11 now, my breastfed 2yo hasn’t slept for more than 4 hours since newborn, yes i have been sleep deprived, still am, but i still do housework, even if some days its bare minimum of pop a load of laundry in the washing machine, washing up some dishes and general quick wipe down/tidy.

Well people are suggesting she can’t do housework so how she supposed to do any of that? If i go by the thread- im sleep deprived, and a mother to a young child so i shouldn’t have to do any of that, my OH should since he doesn’t do the night feeds isn’t looking after the baby all day.
if she wasn’t “keeping up with the housework” then i woild say well atleast she is managing some, and OP needs to let it go, but OP suggests she isn’t doing any.

Because looking after her baby is different to doing housework.

OP wrote a short few sentences and hasn't been back to clarify anything at all about the situation, but women are falling over themselves to berate and degrade this woman. The baby could be tiny, the mother could be struggling with her mental health, she could be in physical pain, but most don't care and just pile on. It's really disgusting.

Well if you are saying you couldn't do it then yes your OH should do it, unless he also can't do it, in which case you'd have to source outside help, what wouldn't be acceptable is him trying to make out it's your responsibility and criticising you for it not being done.

There have been plenty of women on here saying they struggled, baby was poorly, had hard labours/births but still managed to get some housework done, honestly if i was out at work all day and OH was looking after the baby and i came home and he hadn’t even cleaned up after himself minimum i would be very annoyed.

Have you ever had a job? Some are quite easy in comparison to looking after a small baby who doesn't sleep at night. I don't think it that outrageous that your OH should be doing a bit of housework in the evenings and weekends if you are looking after five children including a toddler who doesn't sleep. Working mothers have to do it.

I don't think it that outrageous that your OH should be doing a bit of housework in the evenings and weekends.
yes i would still expect OH to do housework when they got home- not ALL the housework, which it appears OP is doing.

His complaint is that she isn't doing any housework in the day while she is at home with their baby. He hasn't said anything about evenings or weekends when he is there. You are making a lot of assumptions.

Where did i make an assumption? The OP has said he has to clean up her mess she has made throughout the day meaning she isn’t even cleaning up after herself, he has asked if he is being unreasonable to want her to do some housework and it is not unreasonable imo.

Yes of course plenty manage it, no one is disputing that, that doesn't mean that everyone manages it.

Just like with everything else in life. Plenty manage with all sorts of different circumstances, doesn't mean that everyone else does. Surely you know this??

Telling people that they should be able to manage it because other people can doesn't help in any way.

Well that's you, and not everyone is like that, I wouldn't be, and if my partner was annoyed at me over similar I'd be annoyed right back, more than annoyed actually because I don't have respect for men who don't respect women after they have carried and given birth to their babies and think they can put more demands on her when she's looking after that baby and recovering from what her body went through.

It is not disrespectful to ask your OH to do some housework, yes just because other people can doesn’t mean she can- fine but if she couldn’t because she was healing, struggling mentally etc then that would be in the OP her reply was she doesn’t have time which is rubbish imo.

It's one thing asking but she said she can't. It sounds like he has said it repeatedly despite her saying she can't.

So if it were me I would feel disrespected and in turn lose respect for him also. Perhaps his partner feels the same.

but if she couldn’t because she was healing, struggling mentally etc then that would be in the OP

Nope, people often leave out extremely relevant information in OPs.

He wrote a few short sentences and said she said she doesn't have time, she may well have said more.