Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

Flip me, all this angst over a "weaning journey" 🤣.

Best thing you can do is have another child OP.

Insisting that they have DC once a week? Big fat no to that.

You sound hard work.

@dapsnotplimsollsim not thrilled about it, but im a bit of a push over and don’t like to upset anyone (people here will be suprised to know😂) they will cause a fuss if I say no

Interesting. Happy to be corrected where advice has changed.

Tell her, he had a rash later that evening. You think he maybe allergic to refined sugar. So fruit only from now on until he’s older and you all can test it again.

Christ she didn't rack the baby up a line of coke it's a nibble of chocolate

Why are you letting them do childcare? They don’t get to insist.

DS1 was just one when he had his first taste of cake - I would not have been impressed if PIL had given him chocolate at nine months. But they could have insisted all they liked - if they’d lived near us they would still not have been doing childcare. A conversation about whether a car seat was really necessary and their habit of leaving hot drinks on low tables were enough to rule that out.

You've dug yourself a big hole, OP, and you haven't even gone back to work. If you want to be there for all your child's firsts, you need to resign now and become a full-time mother.

In my experience with my DD, there's a chain of trust that starts with you. You trust another person with your child, that someone feels trusted and looks after your child, because that someone feels trusted they and your child enjoy being together, when you collect your child they are content. If you don't feel that trust, it's quite wrong to leave your child with them. In an ideal world, your MIL would ask what your wishes are and follow them but that may not happen. After all, you're not paying her to provide a service.

Looking after a child involves one micro judgement after another. What happens down the line when your MIL thinks the weather is warm enough for your child to play outside in a paddling pool? Is she to phone you to discuss the outside temperature? Or are you going to trust her to decide? What happens when your child won't have a nap? Your MIL decides it's no big deal and takes your child go the park for an hour. You would have insisted on them lying down for an hour. How important is that difference of approach to you?

One thing I didn't anticipate when my DD was small is that it would give others pleasure to look after her. Your child is a gift to you, but also for others close to your family. Rather than think about firsts which have meaning only for you, think instead about a granny delighting in the company of a small child because you are generous enough to share him, and to trust your MIL.

I dont get attitude i want other people to care for my child but I want the firsts kept for me, putting the fact the child has a father aside for these firsts also, if you want that much control then dont have free childcare

I don’t see giving chocolate as a milestone but I’m totally with you OP that it’s entirely unnecessary to give a 9 month old chocolate - the NHS advice is to give babies under 1 as little sugar as possible so YANBU.

I also understand that you’re upset that it’s about the GPs not respecting your boundaries. I would be really angry/upset about this and have been when my MIL has done similar things in the past.

I don’t think there’s much you can do though beyond asking them to stick to natural yoghurt/fruit in future to protect DC’s teeth.

I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔 and weaning journey
Is this seriously how new mums think now?
OP sounds insufferable with her Pfb.

🤣🤣exactly

Yup. The health argument could have been bought but OP ruined it by saying this…

It is a thing, definitely. 'Firsts' are a very big deal. Even when they're very minor. I image those feeling like this are those that wanted a new family bubble with no visitors, had gender reveals, ban family from taking photographs.

Things like first steps I understand. But first taste of chocolate. First taste of banana. First taste of orange. Etc. It's all a bit cringe.

I mean. Not allowing sugar is rational. Firsts of everything no matter how minor is mad.

Why are people giving you a hard time? I’m completely with you on all these points. But fundamentally the main issue is if she is ignoring basic requests about how to care for your baby (and smugly telling you about it seems like a bit of a power play imo) I’d absolutely be having a word. There’s being laid back and there’s letting MIL actively disrespect your parenting choices. If you can’t trust her to not give a 9 month old chocolate fgs (or whatever else she decides she knows better on) then just send your child to nursery for that extra day.

I don’t think she should be giving your child chocolate. I would have a quiet word with her and tell her that you need to trust her if you are leaving your child with her.

Your child won't remember who gave him his first piece of chocolate.

I’m with you op And would go mad!

Weaning journey? Firsts?! What are you on about?

My two year old had her first sticky bun today and Piers Morgan’s coming round later to do a special 1hr interview to be screened on ITV…

My DD had chocolate at about that age. We didn’t make a big deal out of it because I’ve struggled with an ED for most of my life and I don’t want my DD following me down that path if I can help it. I had some buttons and I gave her one, like I’d give her anything I was eating within reason. We had friends clutching pearls at us letting her have a chocolate button at that age, but now at 4 years old ours is the kid who can take or leave chocolate etc as it’s not a big deal. She doesn’t see it as a once in a lifetime treat so doesn’t go mental if it’s on offer. She even shared her Easter Lindt bunny with our 95 year old neighbours, because she knows how much they love chocolate ❤️and she decided to do that by herself, no one suggested it or told her to. I sound like I’m being a braggy dickhead, we are far from perfect parents, she is not a perfect angel but one thing I really am proud of is the food thing because I had so many issues with it myself.

Anyway - the chocolate isn’t the issue, your boundaries are. If you say you don’t want your child having chocolate, that should be respected.

Total over-reaction. Get a bloody grip.

When my daughter could crawl and moved fast than I realised I found her eating the cats biscuits, she lived.......

It's not worth a big row, but just politely say you don't want him to have sugar. If you already said no, and she did it anyway, you and your husband should ask to speak to her-make it clear it's something you're both unhappy about, and say while you would love for her to have a great relationship with your son, she needs to respect your rules. Ask, can you do that? Didn't I make it clear? So there's no room for doubt.