Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

I'd be annoyed - it was wrong. However, if she is providing free childcare, you have to weigh up how much that's worth. If you can't afford to pay for the extra day/can't take that day off, you'll need to just accept it.

Totally unacceptable when grandparents try to steal baby’s ‘firsts’. They’ve had their time! I’ve had that a couple of times and it infuriated me! As for the choc thing, it’s not great but I wouldn’t worry too much. Our second child was chowing down on all sorts of things like ice cream and choc we would never have given our first at that age!

Obviously hard food like raw carrot, raw apple or chocolate is a bigger choking hazard than other food. I wouldn't give my baby food that hard.

You're annoyed and upset that you didn't give it to him first by your own admission, what does your partner think.

Might be best to make other childcare arrangements if giving him a tiny bit of chocolate is an issue.

A 9 month old doesn’t need chocolate, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to give him chocolate. And it’s not great that she knew you wouldn’t want him to have it and did it anyway.

The first one to give him chocolate is a PFB thing tbh and you need to let that one go…

But I would be cautious about whether their expectations about how to look after a baby match with yours. And as others say (less kindly) if they don’t match then it’s best they don’t provide regular childcare.

Your baby is 9 months old, surely at that age they’re licking radiators, chewing on the washing machine and putting anything not out of reach into their mouths? Mine were both doing that from 4 months, it was exhausting.

Why are you worried about a little bit of chocolate?

I knew it was about number 3 before I even got to it 😁

She should have checked it was ok but no harm done. I also don’t see how it’s any more of a choking hazard than any other solid food.

The most important thing is that she respects your wishes now she knows.

I'm obviously the minority here but id have been very upset. I've got 4 kiddos and me and DH have been there for all the planned firsts like cake and chocolate. I have the same approach to weaning as you.
Also a foster carer and a few parents have actually requested not feeding chocolate as they want to be the first to give it.

2bh though what's more concerning is that yout sound like you think she's done this on purpose. Do you NEED them for childcare? If not I wouldn't be giving them one day a week together.

He will be absolutely fine, but it was a dick move by your MIL. She's telling you that she won't respect your choices while looking after your baby for free.

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time here tbh! Anyone you leave your child with should follow your wishes if you have expressed them unless there is a genuine reason not to.
the notion that because you are getting childcare for free you have no say in what happens is ludicrous!
with my first child I also did everything by the book when it came to weaning - everything home made etc and I would also have been gutted if someone else gave him his first taste of chocolate! 2nd child was a different story 🤣
i think a lot of people replying have obviously forgotten what it’s like with your first child, or don’t have children.
suspect a lot are grandparents as well 🙈🙈

I dont think you are being u reasonable but you do probably have to let it go.

My baby tries to do loads of things that aren't good for him. Doesnt mean I take that as a green light and HELP him do those things.

If you have problems with people minding your child doing things that you might not agree with, but are harmless, don’t leave your child with them. If you otherwise trust them to keep your child safe you need to chill out or pay for care in a formal setting where you can dictate some of the rules.

I imagine OP would still have issues in a nursery.

Whenever a birthday occurred at my kids nursery they’d have tiny non iced cupcakes for the child and class. There was always at least one child left out who wasn’t allowed a 2inch circle of cupcake because their mother had some nonsense worry about their PFB. It was heartbreaking seeing the child cry because all the other children got to enjoy cake and they weren’t allowed.

SandwichSuperstar · Today 22:04
I knew it was about number 3 before I even got to it 😁

yep!

Oh, for God’s sake…. The first taste of chocolate isn’t a bloody milestone, who gives a toss? The baby certainly won’t have any memory of it.
Stealing baby’s firsts, my arse.

There’s absolutely no reason why a baby can’t have raw carrot or apple or lots of other ‘hard’ foods from 6 months.

These sorts of foods make for splendid finger foods.

They literally can eat anything you can except raw shellfish and honey.

😂

I would feel the same as you. Nine months is young for chocolate. But I would keep it simple and just remind MIL to keep to yoghurt and fruit for pud for the time being.

Depends on if she knows you feelings around chocolate (which I find bizarre)
if she didn't then it's not the end of the world.
if she didn't it's shity and you need to find a new babysitter.

I wouldn't (unless it was grated, which wasn't the case with the chocolate) but you do you x

This is not an apostrophe kind of situation, and I would go so far as to say the extreme control some parents want to exert over their offspring these days is a very bad thing. We can’t shape everything about our kids. A bit of chocolate isn’t going to set them off down the wrong path for life.

It’s chocolate not crack cocaine

You can guarantee this is all about point no 3.
It’s pathetic. There are people dying in the world.

1. DDS first food was steak (stolen of my plate). Baby led weaning - they can eat pretty much anything at 6 months.
2. I wouldn't even think to ask about a block or 2 of dairy milk. A florescent blue slushy or neon green candyfloss, I wouldn't give without asking because of additives, but chocolate (depending on the brand) isn't necessarily bad for you.
3. I have absolutely no recollection of any of my children's "first chocolate". What a non-issue.

It is absolutely fine, and not petty, for you to say that you wanted to do something first with your first child. Op isn’t saying it’s a milestone, she’s just expressing a wish and I don’t think you should be shot down for it. I think you know it’s not really a choking hazard but it’s perfectly fine for you to be upset that she went against your wishes like this. Plus, no need for babies to try chocolate, I don’t get that.