Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

I have a 9 month old and i totallly agree with you. I would be annoyed if my baby was given chocolate, not that its a choking hazzard just but that she has gone against your wishes and a baby shouldnt be given sugar/ chocolate! I would get your husband to talk to her.

What’s nice is that ice cream season is coming up 🍦

God I can’t believe these replies. There’s no need at all for a baby to have sugar. My mum and mil respected my wishes and if my daughter said please don’t give grandchild a yogurt then I wouldn’t. What sort of person just does it anyway? Strange behaviour

I think this is extremely poor behaviour from MIL.

She was explicitly told the baby was not having chocolate. So she went against that immediately for her own fun.

The chocolate itself is no problem. But her behaviour - trampling boundaries and gleefully gloating about it is a potential problem. I’m not sure why many posters think this is ok. When I look after my siblings’ pets when they go away, I follow their instructions. I don’t just do what I fucking want. I wonder how people would feel if the family were veggie and the MIL purreed a roast chicken dinner. Same principle.

My DC are 18+ and my mum and mil are dead. I’m post meno so won’t be birthing any more babies. Any baby I look after will be someone else’s. So I’m not pfb here. Or a snowflake or whatever.

It was not for her to do this. I would have been irritated too. It feels provocative from her, and it takes away from you the experience of being the first to give your baby this treat.

The question is really what you can do - you can’t change it but can you tell her you don’t want her to give baby chocolate in future? Or have DH do so? Or will this create a massive row?

I’m sorry OP, some people are just a bit unreasonable.

I think you’re being dramatic, but the poll is pretty close so maybe it’s really something that divides people?

Did a mix of BLW and shop bought baby food with DD. Could never have imagined melting chocolate ffs 🤦‍♀️. She was eating things like spag bol and egg on toast at 9 months lmao. She’s also now 11 and incredibly fussy with food so introducing them to things in the right order and a variety of foods to stop them being picky is nonsense.

I would however be really miffed if I didn’t get to be the first one to give them chocolate.

As an aside, I also think that perpetuating the idea of chocolate being a “treat “ is not healthy, and not an attitude to encourage in young children.

While I don't agree that chocolate is a choking hazard for a baby that age, I understand how you feel about your MIL making the decision to give your DC chocolate without consulting with you first. My MIL did the same when my DC was 11 months and it royally pissed me off. Our weaning journey was not going well due to reflux issues, and DH and I felt strongly about baby not having anything sugary while we tried to establish a good eating pattern. I couldn't bring myself to complain about it though - MIL was genuinely delighted that she had shared this special moment with her grandchild. I just chalked it up to generational differences and tried to give clearer instructions going forward. You have every right to feel annoyed, but what's done is done and it's only a small matter in the scheme of things.

OP you are totally right. I have two little ones and I would have had the same reaction as you.

It is an issue of trust - you’ve given a totally reasonable direction with regard to your child’s diet, and she has intentionally ignored you. Rude, arrogant, entitled behaviour. I won’t even comment on your later post about screen time and missing a nap (that then ruined your night!!).

For me, if my mum or MIL don’t fall into line with how I am raising my baby, then my baby does not get looked after by them. My baby, my choice. End of.

You do what you think best, OP - trust your gut.

I’m suprised people think you are being unreasonable! Your baby is 9 months old. Too young for sugar and he also doesn’t want or need it at this age. I’d be a bit more relaxed if we were talking about a toddler - I’d still be pretty unhappy if anyone proactively gave my toddler chocolate but if he saw it and started to fuss I wouldn’t blame them for giving in.

Back to your question, you are absolutely within your rights to explain to your MIL that you child is too young for sweets and chocolate and that you’d appreciate it if she didn’t give it to him again. Ask your husband to have the chat if easier. Ultimately you need to be able to trust the people you are leaving your child with. I would also consider how valuable the childcare is - if she reacts badly to this or you think there’s a chance she’d ignore your wishes in the future, can you afford an alternative?

I would have felt the same as you. Totally reasonable, however you just need to be careful how to approach this with your MIL. I was strong against sugar before 1 and then even after 1 wanted to limit it to a degree (more just not have it available- if it was on offer I’d let them have it).
Completely understand with the wanting to give the first bit yourself too. At the end of the day though, with hindsight, it isn’t a big deal but I would say something to make sure it doesn’t happen all the time.
You aren’t being unreasonable in how you feel about it.

I’d probably just say reiterate that I’d rather he didn’t have any added sugar (eg chocolate etc) before he is 1. It’s not unreasonable to say this. It is what is recommended in fact.

Some very harsh replies here imo. I'd love to give my grandchild (nearly one) something I know she'd be amazed by, but I wouldn't dream of doing that without consent. I personally think the no sugar before 1 etc is a bit over the top, but I've had my turn and I don't get to override a parent. I'd be clear with your MIL that she needs to let you know if she's unable to respect your choices and boundaries , so you have time to find someone who can.

Doesn’t matter if people think you’re ’making a fuss’, you’re the Mother. Nurseries and childminders wouldn’t give your baby that.

Personally I’d sack her off and look into childcare. Speaking from experience of a MIL who doesn’t listen or deem my wishes worth respecting, it’ll only get worse as they get older.

I agree with you but I've found with my own MIL saying things like "I'd rather not" doesn't get interpreted as "absolutely do not do this please". My DH even said when I told him about this thread, did OP say "don't give him sugar"? (I think she did) or "we haven't given him sugar" as he thought to that generation it might be construed as oh the parents just haven't done that yet but totally fine for me to do it.

My grandma (89) was trying to get us to give our 10mo ice cream "because it's soft". I can see some people on here wouldn't have an issue with the sugar but we did!

Yeah not to a 9/10 month old but to be fair, I had to explicitly tell nursery in writing at 11.5 months no refined sugar, as they would give things like digestive biscuits and flavoured yoghurts otherwise. But at least they'll follow what you've said, just saying I was surprised we even had to be explicit about that before I realised how other people were parenting differently!

Did you specifically tell them not to give them chocolate? If not then YABU.

@MummyWillow1RTFT where I’ve said multiple times that I did.

Although a bit of chocolate won't hurt him, I would feel the same about wanting to give them their first piece and see the reaction. Also it's not good for her to be breaking up chunks of chocolate for him, definitely can't become a habit! I would get your husband to speak to his parents

I have no recollection of either of my daughters’ first taste of chocolate. I may have stressed about such nonsense at the time, but honestly in a few short years they’ll be at parties and friends houses eating goodness knows what. I also very much doubt they’d choke on chocolate.

All of mine I've recorded their first chocolate tastes and first cake. As well as first ever food in general and first outdoor steps etc etc. And mine are already teens and doing loads of other things in life but those moments are still treasured for us.

Hahahahaha 😂

My mum gave our kid his first welsh cake. When I heard that I thought it was hilarious. Given that I was practically raised on them.

You are not being unreasonable at all. It wasn't your MILs place to give something like that without checking with you.

I'd reaffirm that your child, particularly as still a baby, is only to be given the food agreed and definitely not chocolate etc without being spoken to.

This is exactly the type of issue that will build up to MIL resentment if she keeps pushing boundaries. However, we weren't beholden to anyone as we were self-sufficient and had baby in nursery on my working days, so we didn't have to balance the need for childcare.

If this is something MIL persistently does (break your boundaries etc) then I'd seek alternative childcare, so you won't have to deal with the stress of the conflict and MIL can just be a 'grandparent' when they visit.

You are being so beyond reasonable I’m shocked anyone could disagree.

have a chat (via your husband) and make it clear that you love that he will be with his grandparents once a week instead of at childcare but this is on the agreement that they follow your schedule (including naps), no screen time and no chocolate. Why the hell does a 9 month old need screens or chocolate!?

if they don’t like it then put him in childcare and they can see him when they see you…