Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

Weaning joirney. Firat taste of chocolate being a milestone.

MIL needa to go no contact & get away from the crazy

The nub of the matter here is respect and trust for you as a mother, can they respect you enough not to over rule your wishes ? Can you trust them to respect your way of parenting. Can you both communicate and repair the relationship when ther is a breakdown.
however if you feel the chocolate event just now was taunting and laying down a gauntlet then then minding your child will really clearly never work.

I think replies are simply from mothers of older children who realise that all the worries and panic you have when your child is very young all fade away. All the worries about milestones etc, they get there in the end, and you really don’t remember exactly when your baby first smiled, spoke, ate chocolate etc. Mostly they all grow up fine.

‘Weaning journey’

🫠

I’ve got a video my mum sent me when my boy was 10 months old and she’s feeding him white chocolate buttons 🥰 wouldn’t have even occurred to me to be pissed off about it.. it’s a cute video, my son who’s now 4 absolutely adores his nana and she gave us 1.5 days a week childcare (plus babysitting pretty much whenever we ask) while I went back to work! Grandparents spoil their grandchildren, it’s a fact 🤣

My daughter is off to school in September. I've spent over 50k on childcare and I don't work full time. Pick your battles.

OP you keep saying you disagree with us and that nine months old don’t need chocolate. I don’t think anyone on this thread is saying babies NEED chocolate. We are just saying it won’t harm you little one to have had some at this age. They’re not going to suddenly develop a sweet tooth and an aversion to veggies because of one bit of chocolate. Also I would just add you can wean your child in whatever way you like, but whether they end up a good eater / with a sweet tooth / refusing veggies etc is really down to luck over parenting.

Can I just say it’s not about her spoiling him etc, I seriously wouldn’t mind him having chocolate there at all when he’s a bit older. Even by the time I go back to work itll probably be fine by then!

The issue is that the had point blank been told that we aren’t giving him any chocolate yet and she went ahead and did it anyway. I don’t care that she’s his grandmother, I’m my opinion that doesn’t give you the right to go against what the parents have said, period. The issue is more her feeling entitled enough to do that, when really we’re doing her the favour by letting her have him one day a week because like I said I had full intentions of putting him in childcare for that day which would have been my preference.

I have no issue in him having the odd bit of chocolate / sweet treat when he’s older but like I’ve said multiple times , he’s 9 months and does not need it yet. Regardless if you agree or not, that’s what we’ve decided and it should be respected.

Can I also add when he’s there he gets constant screen time from the moment he arrives, he’s come back in the past not even having one nap which led to an awful night. But I DID NOT MOAN ABOUT IT, didn’t even mention it. This is something that we have point blank said, I think it’s a bit disrespectful whether you agree or not.

Im sick of people bringing up the childcare card - we have not asked for childcare from them, quite the opposite actually. I pack plenty of snacks and fruit for him when he goes. Looking after him for your own benefit does not give the right to do what you want , especially when he’s so young.

Once again I’m not making a fuss, I haven’t made a fuss, I haven’t even mentioned this. I get along really well with MIL but this is just something that has rubbed me up the wrong way so have come on here to vent about it.

@CaffeinatedMum I’m not worried about any of those things, the issue is that we’ve decided no chocolate until he’s a bit older (our preference) and she’s totally ignored that. I know that it won’t harm him, I know he’ll likely still eat his fruit and veg it’s not about that at all.

If you have specifically said no chocolate to her and she has done it anyway then that’s a problem. It will probably be a continuing problem over other things too. It’s a lack of respecting your boundaries. If she can’t respect your boundaries, she can’t have him without you there.

however, I really couldn’t get excited over a tiny bit of chocolate. No, they don’t need chocolate but everything in moderation is fine, pick your battles🤷🏻‍♀️

^^Very much this.

If you think they're going to ignore important boundaries then don't leave your child with them alone, no matter how much they ask.

But really, a small bit of chocolate isn't a hill I would die on.

When you get round to giving your child chocolate their reaction won't be muted because they've had it before. You'll still get your "moment" - nothing has been taken from you.

I think you need to figure out exactly what you're annoyed about - is it the boundary-breaking or is it the fact she gave your child chocolate?

If it's the former, then you need to consider whether they can be trusted to do as you ask for the things that matter - but if it's the latter, I really would eye-roll and let it go. I promise you that in the years that follow, this will soon seem like a storm in a tea-cup!

You’re not “doing her a favour letting her have him one day a week” !!!!!

But aside from all of that it sounds like you will just have constant issues with how she looks after your child so I would suggest that paid childcare would be the more sensible option here, however much she insists about doing that one day

@ZebraPyjamasI am doing her a favour as she begged until I gave in. At the beginning I was making excuses so that he didn’t have to go as I didn’t want to offend anybody, but then when she found out I had enquired about childcare for one day a week she hit the roof and insisted they have him it’s stupid paying when they want to look after him etc, which I’m grateful for and is fine.

The chocolate isn’t really the issue, if she hadn’t known then it wouldn’t be an issue.

She isn’t providing free childcare yet, shes having the baby visit on their own for a few hours.

Id be rethinking using her for childcare tbh.

The fact that she's ignored your preference and given it anyway suggests she's going to do whatever she likes when she has your child one day a week. Are you ok with that?

The thing is, it could be the start of a slippery slope...if all babies and toddlers have tried is healthy food then that's all they know and they eat it. As soon as you start introducing unhealthy snacks and chocolate etc they will start wanting those things more (speaking from experience and wishing I'd never let my kids try things like crisps and biscuits!).

First chocolate, then what's next? If you don't need PIL for childcare I'd be using a nursery whether they "insist" on having him or not.

I would just pay for childcare if I was you because there’s likely to be a lot of “firsts” that they might experience and you’re going to hate that. Additionally, they’re likely to do child rearing the way they did it, which means they won’t be up to date with latest advice and guidance and that’s going to annoy you.

lastly. It’s chocolate. It will have melted in the baby’s mouth.

She wants to do childcare and have alone time so she can spoil them. She will take pleasure in bending your rules on screens and foods so they “love granny’s house”. My mum is like this with my nephew, she sees parents rules and opportunities for her to find treats.

Id just pay for childcare and let them see baby with you and the whole family. They don’t need alone time to bond

I think you've overreacted. It's chocolate, not crack cocaine. Your baby isn't going to be craving it off the back of that one time. My DC has the supposed naughty treats and screen time when he goes to his grandparents and he loves spending time with them. Grandparents are meant to spoil their grandchildren, it's part of that special relationship they have. Pick your battles.

This only appplies if the OP had told her not to give the baby chocolate. She’s not psychic!

@CurlewKateRTFT before commenting, she had quite clearly been told.

I wouldn’t have even made this thread if she was unaware about the no choc situation 😂 she was fully aware but did it anyway!

Personally I think it depends on whether you will be paying for childcare or not.

If it’s free, then you’re going to have to accept that the way they do things isn’t what you want but it’s the trade off for getting free childcare. You’re going to have to pick which battles truly matter.

If you’re paying them, then that’s different and they should generally do things how you want it done.

My daughter was like you were stuck rigidly to her rules. Last week I was at her house 8.15am to collect and take that baby, now 4 to school and baby number 2 was eating a penguin biscuit. My point is while it's not ideal it's also really not important and you'll laugh at yourself in a couple of years.

If however you'd like a stick to beat MiL with then go for it tell her how awful she is

I'm grandma to a tiny one and will be doing childcare one day a week when DIL goes back to work. I'm actually on your side here OP. I wouldn't dream of going against something my DS or DIL had expressly said. It's just basic sense and respect.

My MIL was the same. I didn't have many rules about when they were in her care but she always kept the ones I did have.

@DinosaurBluethats the thing, I would like to pay for childcare! It’s not as if they’re doing us a favour having him for one day a week, it’s because she has pleaded to when I had full intentions of paying for childcare! I hope that doesn’t make me sound ungrateful, but just want to make it clear that she has insisted on it not because I have asked or wanted her to.