Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

Accept I’m in the minority here , but can’t work out why you’d want to give a baby chocolate. It feels like it’s more about the adults enjoyment than the child? I don’t think free childcare automatically means you don’t get to set boundaries about your own child, admittedly you can’t go making demands but a bit of mutual respect surely?!

NorthFacingGardener · Today 22:01
A 9 month old doesn’t need chocolate, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to give him chocolate.

This is just silly. There's no actual reason to give ANYONE chocolate is there.
Nobody is advocating sitting PFB down with a giant Toblerone ffs. Moderation is all and believe me - you keep this nonsense up with your children you're inviting all kinds of secret and harmful behaviour when they get five minutes away from you.

@areandare I agree with you OP. There’s absolutely no need to introduce chocolate to a baby when they are happy without it.

I can also understand wanting to be the first to give it at a time that you felt was right.

A bit of a contradiction here though:

For instance, my boy had his first chocolate button at 2 yo. I was desperately shopping all day for a dress to wear to a wedding and my son spent the whole day (8 hours!) in the push chair, smiling and enjoying it, for some reason. I was soooo grateful that I stopped and bought choccy buttons and gave him his first one to say thank you. He absolutely loved it! It didn’t become a regular thing, but he certainly only began to link chocolate to when he behaved amazingly. So that was good!

I’d be annoyed at MIL too. Just mention he’s too young at the moment, maybe next year.

I’d be very upset by this. Not because of choking worries but because it’s a special thing to give for the first time. In my family no babies have had chocolate before 2yo, 9 months is extremely young and a huge overstep

I'd be furious tbh, don't care what people say on here. I wouldn't leave my child with her as regular childcare after that. Yes I'd happily (and do) pay for it. What is the actual need to give a 9mo chocolate?

My MIL is really lovely and responsible and would never!

Well the reasons for other people are obviously because they want it, they like it, other people are having it.

The reason for this 9 month old is that his grandma wanted to see him having it.

What a bizarre extrapolation that I’m going to give my own kids issues. My 1st child didn’t have chocolate until he was about 3 because he didn’t know what it was and therefore never asked for it. My second had it when he was about 18 months because he saw his brother having it and wanted to join in. A baby has no clue, clearly so there’s really no reason to give it to them.

That would really annoy me (have an 18 month old who still hasn’t had chocolate) but I don’t think there’s much you can do apart from asking her not to do it again.

This is the only answer you need.

Report it to 101, not 999.

I agree there is no need for chocolate in that age.

However, as they should be a regular carer, the question is, is there relevant harm from this piece of chocolate ?

If you expect regular childcare, it means they will be making some decisions. Try to understand what are your hard rules vs preferences, and find a way to resolve this calmly, you'll need it. And you need them to tell you things instead of going behind your back.

Exactly, it's such a strange attitude I've only encountered on here. Family childcare means your child will (almost must?) be fed shite, all the screens, no bedtimes or boundaries, suck it up and be grateful for the huge favour but that's also the only way GPs can bond with children.

GPs and parents should be a team! Not saying there won't be differences but I find it so baffling when people say they absolutely must load tiny tots up with sugar and stick them in front of the TV. My own grandma was quite happy loading us up with home cooked food! My MIL is fab and very close to my son who's a young toddler and hasn't had sugar yet. They have a great time playing with him, chatting and feeding him the food I provide (they're doing a big favour once a week!) and traditional dishes when she wants to, bananas... No lack of love there!

I really don't understand what all the fuss is about. Chocolate melts, makes a mess either in the mouth or whatever else it touches, then is gone. Child will eat all sorts of stuff that is far more harmful and not meant for human consumption at any age.

As an aside: Our dog ate 9 easter eggs and had no problems. We didn't even know until we found the "evidence" many weeks later!

I have absolutely no idea when my child first had chocolate and hes now only 19 months, so it wasnt long ago. I also cant remember when he first rolled or crawled. You think this stuff is important at the time, but it really isnt!

Also, very close relatives might like to do exciting stuff with the child: isn’t that great? It builds bonds and makes people feel involved in your kid’s life. Dont be so territorial that you shut out other people, and what they can bring into yours and your child’s life.

😂😂😂

I would’ve been really pissed off with my MIL if she had done this and knew I didn’t want her to. That’s an unpleasant little power play. If she didn’t know that’s a bit different but then. I would assume she’s not very bright/thoughtful which is also unappealing

Total straw man. No one is saying that. Couple of bites of chocolate is not loading a tiny tot up with cakes and fizz. You can relax your own rules a bit without signing your kid up to a 24/7 lucozade drip and a greggs sausage roll for every meal.

It’s chocolate not crack. Tell MIL you would prefer he didn’t have chocolate whilst young and hopefully she respects that

Yeh I agree with OP here. Just cos someone wants to spend time with my kid doesnt mean i have to let them do whatever they want and ignore my own feelings on the matter. There's absolutely no need to give a nine-month-old chocolate. Why on earth would you give chocolate to someone else's baby without checking with them first? It's odd and entitled behaviour

@KilkennyCats it is a milestone to see the look on their face trying something new for the first time! It’s disgraceful when grandparents take those special moments. At best it’s a lack of awareness, at worst it’s utter selfishness.

Do you trust them to respect your wishes in other aspects of childcare? If not, pay for childcare.

My nephew (2.5) had the flake from my ice cream the other weekend as he couldn’t (tried) to eat the ice cream. When I saw him and his older brother last weekend I gave them a flake to share. I have no idea if his mum gave him chocolate (he barely eats anything and was pleased he liked his first flake!) but I don’t think she’d make a big deal about him having chocolate first and by whom. Get over yourself on all 3 points.

First post nailed it.

MIL can’t be trusted clearly. Gonna have to go elsewhere for free childcare.

never heard of the melting chocolate but can’t see the benefit or reason. Babies need lots of different foods and textures not all runny slop

My second child tasted chocolate at one day old when my 15 month old fed him a chocolate button 😂😂

You are perfectly within your right to dictate what foods your baby can/not be offered however.....
Free childcare means an element of sucking it up unless its a real safety issue.
Yes I'd be pissed off too but the same thing also happened to my baby with GPs first ever babysitting. Its almost as if they can't help themselves but to give chocolate to a baby 🙄🙄

I didn't give mine sweets and chocolate till they were about 3 but I didn't go nuts if my in laws gave them some chocolate buttons. As for chocolate, it melts, so if they did choke, it would already be melting. It's not like a nut or a boiled sweet. You're being a bit precious.