Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

Its a power play.

"I brought my kids up just fine, she isnt telling me what to do". Thats why MIL made a point of telling her.

I am in my 50's and probably a similar age to some of these MIL's, and it is winding me up! We are not all like that!

Go no contact IMMEDIATELY!!!! No seriously calm your tit's I've had 7 kids oldest is 22 youngest 1 id like to think I know what I'm doing but please correct me if I'm wrong 🤣 but not 1 child of mine has died or choked from having chocolate as a baby i mean as soon as they crawl its race to see who can clean up any crumbs fastest if a grandparents giving chocolate and announcing it "smugly" is your biggest issue your in for a fucking ride let me tell you .

Pick your battles. This is not the hill to die on. There will likely be many other occaisions where they will not do things the way you want them to.

I appreciate they went against your wishes but at least they were open and honest about it. I’d just gently reinforce at next drop off what you want babies diet to be like for the future.

Fwiw my first was weaned very carefullly and loves all things sweet. My second had very relaxed weaning and he’s not interested in sweets or chocolates. I think it’s mostly just the way we are made.

A 9 month old doesn’t need chocolate. Yo u are clearly within your right to decide what foods your baby eats, regardless of whether MIL is providing free childcare or not.

If you want your child to be looked after by someone first aid trained that knows what to do if they choke and knows what to feed them to be healthy then that’s completely reasonable.

But you can’t hand over your child to in-laws once a week and suddenly expect that of them.

My mother gave my kids stuff not once did I ever feel she was doing a power play or taking something from me ! If you have issues you think like that then crack on .children will literally eat a week old crisp you missed under the sofa like its a Michelin star meal while your desperately trying to get it out .

It's not a choking hazard at all.

But on point 2 you aren't unreasonable if she did it despite knowing you are against it.

I have no issues at all as my kids are all adults.

What makes it a power play is making a point of telling OP. If you are pretty laid back (as was I) then of course it isnt an issue, but if you say "Please dont do X" and you get told "Oh we did X!" then yes it is a slap down. Its saying "I am going to do what I want, not what you say". I have never had a MIL issue, my own mother however......

Do a quick search on MN for GP's giving foods that they have been told the kids are allergic to for example. Its shocking how many do this.

As a grandparent, it wouldn't occur to me that any particular food or treat might be a 'first' that is exclusively for parents to witness. So if I unwittingly offered something new, it wouldn't be the power play that some think is going on here.

When did this 'firsts' thing start? Apart from the first steps, I can't think of a single thing that I hoped to be the first to see/experience, back in the day. Is it a social media things?

Sorry, going against the grain, but I'd be fuming. My son didn't have juice, chocolate or anything like that until he was about 2 years old. It's not needed, should be your choice as his mother and if anyone does it should be you. It's out of order.

This isn’t the hill to die on. When it’s your first you can be precious about everything but you have to ease up otherwise look for alternative child care.

I should add that my point of it being a "you cant tell me what to do" is nothing to do with "firsts", its about the MIL trying to assert her dominance.

As a mother of six, I can say with some confidence that most "firsts" mean nothing. The only ones that stick with all of them are first smile, first words, first steps.

I have simply said we are not giving our 9 month old baby chocolate yet

You should have said "please don't give him chocolate (and whatever other things you don't want him to have)"
Saying 'we're not giving him' is passive. It didn't give them a rule to follow, it simply described your own actions.

There's a photo of me aged about 8-9 months covered in kit kat. I survived probably because more of it went over me than in me.

A small piece of chocolate is hardly a choking hazard because it melts

Would the op rather she lied or didn't tell her at all ? If the child had a later reaction or was ill she would then know to say she had had chocolate for the first time etc . If she behaves like this all the time then they will just refuse to spend time with baby or look like a lunatic . What about when they have the child days out to soft play , the beach , cinema, pizza is the op gonna throw a fit about that aswelll because they missed the first ... what if they crawl , walk or grandparents spots they've cut a tooth are they going to curl up in a ball and have a tantrum ?
The rules in my house are different to my daughters i do have a child 3 months younger than my grandaughter and a 1yo aswell

I would be pissed off and think you’re totally reasonable. You asked them not to give baby chocolate and they ignored you - pretty crappy and hardly like it’s a necessity. No it won’t do baby any harm long term but it’s totally unnecessary. My in-laws keep giving us chocolate for my youngest (she’s one) suggesting we can cut it up for her! So bizarre why would you - she loves proper food, why give her processed crap before she knows it’s a thing.

If I were you I would refuse the offer of regular childcare and stick to nursery / childminder. Use them for babysitting if they’re keen to see baby then you can have the odd evening out. Sounds like baby won’t massively benefit if going to sit in front of a screen all day…

I think Mumsnet is mostly to blame for this epidemic of ‘possible choking’ crap!

Nope! I’m with you 100%! I prefer to spend the money on childcare, I always have because of this shit! Relatives/ILs think they can do as they please ‘because they did it with their kids’. People seem to think these days that because grandparents take care of a child for 8 hours a week that they get to call the shots on everything else. Do not leave it! Call her out if you’re not happy, I would! The problem with asking Mumsnet anything like this is because a large percentage of people on here are likely DM/MILs themselves who would do this type of thing themselves.

You are totally missing my point so I will leave you and your chaotic family to itself.

in my opinion a 9 month old does not need chocolate

Neither does a 39 year old. Life would be pretty dull if we only consumed the things we absolutely need.

Ridiculous!
My grandson crawled and walked for the first time when I had him on both occasions, what was I meant to do, strap him in his pushchair for the day so he couldn’t move??
when my daughter came to collect him he toddled towards her and she didn’t mind that he had been walking around all day whilst she’s been at work and I didn’t tell her as I wanted to surprise her

Can't believe how many people say YABU. If your MIL knew you didn't want baby having chocolate then that's totally out of order. I'd talk to her about it. Especially given they will be helping with childcare.

A few things came to mind reading your posts @areandare .

Your MiL totally overstepped by giving your DH chocolate when she knew you and your DH specifically didn't want him to have any.
So thats a concrete example of her ignoring your request, and betraying your trust.

You said DS is in front of a screen most of the time he's with them - do they just have the TV on all day all the time? That's not great for a baby/toddler.

How is it fair that as parents you want to put DS in nursery for that one day, but PiL INSIST they must have him for the day?
You're his parents, YOU get to decide.

I would be quietly finding a nursery place for DS and then tell the PiL that they won't be having him one day a week after all.

It's about what's best for your baby, not what your PiL want.

Trust betrayed has to be re-won.

This would really piss me off and is totally inappropriate - tell them not to do it again

OP, I think you're getting quite a rough time on this.

I absolutely would be pissed off, especially if I'd have voiced my wishes before hand. Screw that for a bag of chips, I'd be looking for alternative childcare.