Page 10 | Baby given chocolate!

OneTealShaker · 09/05/2026 19:35

What a ridiculous thread. How do these people get through the day, if this is what they stress about.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/05/2026 19:38

areandare · 08/05/2026 23:08

Bloody hell some of these replies 😆

Right firstly, I am NOT expecting free childcare. I have not asked for childcare. They have INSISTED that they have him one day a week. I had full intentions in paying for childcare on that one day.

The main issue is that she has totally dismissed what me and my partner have told her. I don’t care if you agree or not, in my opinion a 9 month old does not need chocolate. He doesn’t know what it is, (had) never had it before so there was absolutely no need. I’m not going to deprive him of sweet treats, but would rather him not have stuff like that during his weaning journey. She knew this but still decided to go against our wishes and give it anyway!

Also, I have not made a big deal of this at all 😂 I’ve not mentioned it to anybody, or kicked up a fuss. I have not made an issue. I came on here for opinions and to see what people thought. I wasn’t sure if I should say we’re not giving him chocolate yet, or to leave it and let her carry on going against our preference.

Im laid back and don’t dictate what he does when there, but this is something that I feel strongly about.

I bet a lot of you replying are grandparents who insist on going against their children’s basic requests. God it’s not hard to not give a 9 month old chocolate, it’s not as if I’m asking for much lol

Babies don't need chocolate and giving it to your baby so early is unnecessary and is for the benefit of your MIL, not your baby. The longer children can go without sweets and chocolate, the better, for their diet and their teeth. Obviously, once your child is mixing with other children who have sweets and chocolate, it will be almost impossible to stop them wanting it.

My grandchildren eat far fewer sweets and chocolate than my own children did and that's a good thing as far as I am concerned.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/05/2026 19:40

areandare · 08/05/2026 23:22

@dapsnotplimsollsim not thrilled about it, but im a bit of a push over and don’t like to upset anyone (people here will be suprised to know😂) they will cause a fuss if I say no

You've got a good excuse to say no now. Especially if they are treating it as no big deal and refusing to abide by your wishes where your baby is concerned.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/05/2026 19:42

PollyBell · 08/05/2026 23:33

I dont get attitude i want other people to care for my child but I want the firsts kept for me, putting the fact the child has a father aside for these firsts also, if you want that much control then dont have free childcare

OP doesn't want her PILs to look after her baby but they are insisting and she didn't want to say no. They sound overbearing.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/05/2026 19:43

I got home once to my DD in her high chair devouring a Tunnocks Tea Cake courtesy of DMIL. I was furious, livid even……it was the last one in the box fgs!!!

Original poster

areandare · 09/05/2026 19:44

@maddiemookins16mum I’d be fuming too I bet you were waiting all day to get home and have it with a cuppa 🤣

OP posts:

thepariscrimefiles · 09/05/2026 19:45

areandare · 09/05/2026 06:07

Can I just say it’s not about her spoiling him etc, I seriously wouldn’t mind him having chocolate there at all when he’s a bit older. Even by the time I go back to work itll probably be fine by then!

The issue is that the had point blank been told that we aren’t giving him any chocolate yet and she went ahead and did it anyway. I don’t care that she’s his grandmother, I’m my opinion that doesn’t give you the right to go against what the parents have said, period. The issue is more her feeling entitled enough to do that, when really we’re doing her the favour by letting her have him one day a week because like I said I had full intentions of putting him in childcare for that day which would have been my preference.

I have no issue in him having the odd bit of chocolate / sweet treat when he’s older but like I’ve said multiple times , he’s 9 months and does not need it yet. Regardless if you agree or not, that’s what we’ve decided and it should be respected.

Can I also add when he’s there he gets constant screen time from the moment he arrives, he’s come back in the past not even having one nap which led to an awful night. But I DID NOT MOAN ABOUT IT, didn’t even mention it. This is something that we have point blank said, I think it’s a bit disrespectful whether you agree or not.

Im sick of people bringing up the childcare card - we have not asked for childcare from them, quite the opposite actually. I pack plenty of snacks and fruit for him when he goes. Looking after him for your own benefit does not give the right to do what you want , especially when he’s so young.

Once again I’m not making a fuss, I haven’t made a fuss, I haven’t even mentioned this. I get along really well with MIL but this is just something that has rubbed me up the wrong way so have come on here to vent about it.

Why are they insisting on looking after him when they just want to plonk him in from of a screen? They sound like pretty shit caregivers tbh. It's about what they want and not what's best for your baby.

phoenixrosehere · 09/05/2026 19:45

areandare · 09/05/2026 19:33

Thank you all who have left helpful comments and have actually read all of my posts🥰

To those who have not - me and my MIL actually have a lovely relationship and she always says how lucky she is to have me as a DIL (to the person who said they’re glad they don’t have a DIL like me) your all acting as if I have kicked up a massive fuss which I haven’t! I have no rules and don’t send him there dictating what he can and can’t do in their care, I have simply said we are not giving our 9 month old baby chocolate yet which is a VERY reasonable ‘rule’, which she has decided to go ahead and give anyway. This would not be a problem when he’s a little older and he’s eating chocolate, but for now he’s not.

Apologies I thought chocolate would be a choking hazard as it’s very hard , she decided to give him bourneville chocolate out of all of the options in suprised he liked it 😂

Also yes I would have liked to have been the first one to give him chocolate as he is my baby, but that isn’t the main issue here and I wouldn’t kick up a fuss over that. The problem is the entitlement and smugly telling me about it knowing that we didn’t want him having it.

I must say I feel sorry for the children / children in laws of a lot of you who have replied here because it’s pretty obvious that you are going to be the kind of grandparents who will overstep boundaries and go against their wishes 😆 If I was caring for somebodies baby and they told me something simple like “we do not give them fizzy drinks” there is no way I would go ahead and give it anyway, it’s really not hard, it’s really not an issue. I think the fact someone would kick up a fuss and insist on giving it anyway is very odd behaviour.

It really isn’t that hard and to do it blatantly is ridiculous.

I don’t understand why some family members do these things. How do you ignore the parents telling you not to do something, doing it anyway and telling the parents and think it is perfectly fine and it won’t be an issue.

It’a practically behaviour one would expect from a child who is still learning not a grown adult who knows better.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/05/2026 19:53

whatisthis67 · 09/05/2026 08:05

If I was your mil I would have said ‘oh perhaps it’s best I don’t have him then, no way would I be offering free childcare if you were that neurotic.
I don’t think you can expect free childcare but have them walking on egg shells.
Can they ask their son instead what’s acceptable in his view and go by that?
I have a 19 month old little boy so I understand you want the best for him but would you rather he had a piece of chocolate or went on to marry someone so highly strung who got upset over such silly things?

If you'd bothered to read OP's posts, you would know that OP would much rather pay a childminder but when her MIL found out that she was looking for a childminder, MIL got upset and insisted that she would look after the baby one day a week. It's for MIL's benefit, not OP's.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/05/2026 19:57

I thought similarly about DD1.

By the time DD2 exploded onto the scene, it didn't really seem important anymore - at exactly the same age she was helping herself to the dog's kibble whilst the cat stood sentry for when I was heard walking down the hallway from answering the front door (in search of the reason for it being far, far, too quiet), much to the dismay of the poor bloody dog, who was sitting there looking like he was about to start crying.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/05/2026 20:00

I well remember giving dd1 at 8 months a chocolate biscuit, to keep her happily occupied in the trolley while I was traipsing round the supermarket.

The horrendous mess all over her was well worth it for the P&Q. 🙂

cubistqueen · 09/05/2026 20:04

Mine are both in their 20’s. Both were looked after by my parents and my in laws when they were babies and toddlers. None of us even remember who first gave them anything. 💁🏻

TheKeatingFive · 09/05/2026 20:10

Crunchymum · 09/05/2026 12:25

If you read all the OP's updates you'll dee they can afford nursery, are happy for nursery but the in-laws have insisted they want to do one day a week childcare!!

Show quote history

Well then she should just book the nursery!

Who's actually in charge here? 🙃

littleorangefox · 09/05/2026 20:30

areandare · 09/05/2026 19:33

Thank you all who have left helpful comments and have actually read all of my posts🥰

To those who have not - me and my MIL actually have a lovely relationship and she always says how lucky she is to have me as a DIL (to the person who said they’re glad they don’t have a DIL like me) your all acting as if I have kicked up a massive fuss which I haven’t! I have no rules and don’t send him there dictating what he can and can’t do in their care, I have simply said we are not giving our 9 month old baby chocolate yet which is a VERY reasonable ‘rule’, which she has decided to go ahead and give anyway. This would not be a problem when he’s a little older and he’s eating chocolate, but for now he’s not.

Apologies I thought chocolate would be a choking hazard as it’s very hard , she decided to give him bourneville chocolate out of all of the options in suprised he liked it 😂

Also yes I would have liked to have been the first one to give him chocolate as he is my baby, but that isn’t the main issue here and I wouldn’t kick up a fuss over that. The problem is the entitlement and smugly telling me about it knowing that we didn’t want him having it.

I must say I feel sorry for the children / children in laws of a lot of you who have replied here because it’s pretty obvious that you are going to be the kind of grandparents who will overstep boundaries and go against their wishes 😆 If I was caring for somebodies baby and they told me something simple like “we do not give them fizzy drinks” there is no way I would go ahead and give it anyway, it’s really not hard, it’s really not an issue. I think the fact someone would kick up a fuss and insist on giving it anyway is very odd behaviour.

To be fair Bournville could technically be classed as not proper chocolate because it's fairly rank so you could still consider a wee bit of actual chocolate in future to be baby's first 😂

I totally get the firsts thing btw even if most of mumsnet scoff about it like it's ridiculous. I won't even let grandparents take my kids on a bus or train until I have. I'll have all the firsts thanks.

And yeah, some of my kids grandparents look after them fairly often. They should still respect our rules/requests as the parents especially if they are with regards to safety. Sorry, I don't think chocolate is a choking hazard though. But things like car seats, safe sleep, making formula properly etc. And yes, what you do and do not want your child to eat. But as you can see you'll just get a lot of comments telling you to pay for childcare if you want to dictate to grandparents. Like you should be falling over yourself to be so grateful for it and you just have to put up with them dismissing and railroading you. No thanks. You can still be grateful and ask that simple requests are adhered to. Especially if they insisted on having them in the first place!

Peonies12 · 09/05/2026 20:47

It’s not ideal but if you’re getting free childcare you can’t dictate every single thing. Put them in nursery or pay a nanny jf you want to be able to do that! And also be prepared the majority of toddlers exist on yoghurt and toast, whatever you do at the start. You’re putting unnecessary pressure on yourself!

mondaytosunday · 09/05/2026 21:05

first: by that ANYTHING can be a choking hazard. I hope you have one if those choking thingys.
Second: this i agree with. If you’ve told them no chocolate they should respect that.
Third: you’re surely kidding? ‘First chocolate’ is not a thing!

VividPinkTraybake · 09/05/2026 22:24

areandare · 09/05/2026 19:33

Thank you all who have left helpful comments and have actually read all of my posts🥰

To those who have not - me and my MIL actually have a lovely relationship and she always says how lucky she is to have me as a DIL (to the person who said they’re glad they don’t have a DIL like me) your all acting as if I have kicked up a massive fuss which I haven’t! I have no rules and don’t send him there dictating what he can and can’t do in their care, I have simply said we are not giving our 9 month old baby chocolate yet which is a VERY reasonable ‘rule’, which she has decided to go ahead and give anyway. This would not be a problem when he’s a little older and he’s eating chocolate, but for now he’s not.

Apologies I thought chocolate would be a choking hazard as it’s very hard , she decided to give him bourneville chocolate out of all of the options in suprised he liked it 😂

Also yes I would have liked to have been the first one to give him chocolate as he is my baby, but that isn’t the main issue here and I wouldn’t kick up a fuss over that. The problem is the entitlement and smugly telling me about it knowing that we didn’t want him having it.

I must say I feel sorry for the children / children in laws of a lot of you who have replied here because it’s pretty obvious that you are going to be the kind of grandparents who will overstep boundaries and go against their wishes 😆 If I was caring for somebodies baby and they told me something simple like “we do not give them fizzy drinks” there is no way I would go ahead and give it anyway, it’s really not hard, it’s really not an issue. I think the fact someone would kick up a fuss and insist on giving it anyway is very odd behaviour.

"I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am."

..........

Bunnylove19 · 10/05/2026 21:14

Slightyamusedandsilly · 08/05/2026 21:35

He'll be fine. And all the 'firsts' business is BS.

But by all means tell her you don't want him having any sugar. That is the only reasonable bit of what you've said.

Edited to say, I'd be careful how you approach this if you're going to depend on her for childcare. If you'd rather he went to nursery, have at her!

Edited

Why is all this “firsts business BS”???

Doing things for the first time with baby can mean the world to some people, for all kinds of reasons even if it doesn’t to you!

lebin · 10/05/2026 21:14

I’d be really annoyed by this too! They don’t need chocolate at this age. My little boy had his first chocolate at Christmas (he was two) - his nan (my MIL) gave it to him, but I was there and she asked first if he could have it. At 9 month milk is the priority and weaning is still new and should be lead by the parents. The desperation some grandparents have to give babies and small children junk food really annoys me.

LiveTheDream8998 · 10/05/2026 21:17

I get it. As an incredibly sentimental person I understand the 1st time trying a new food - but I also think this is something that for your sake you need to re-frame.

1sts are important. Let them know this susubtlety in the hope they respect what you say

But don't get wound up - allow them to enjoy their grandchildren too. 🥰

Kths · 10/05/2026 21:23

areandare · 08/05/2026 21:34

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

It’s not the end of the world as long as it’s not a regular thing

you sound switched on and will continue to give him a healthy diet

maybe discuss with your mil that it’s for very rare occasions and not to be given all the time

he’s not going to choke by the time it’s near his mouth it’s melted

Kths · 10/05/2026 21:24

Plummagic · 08/05/2026 21:35

Call the police and go no contact.

Please tell me this comment is satire?

all that needs to happen is a conversation

Bellie710 · 10/05/2026 21:25

My DD's first introduction to chocolate was when she was about 5 months old, a waiter in an Italian restaurant that we were in for my nephews christening gave her a chocolate ice cream wafer when she was sitting in a high chair. She had never had solids that was her very first real food and she demolished it, she is now 21 very fit and healthy but does love chocolate which may be because of this....

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/05/2026 21:25

For me it wouldnt be about the chocolate, it would be her making a point of telling you about it.

It shows that she can't be trusted. So this is where you draw your line. You say that no, they can't have him once a week as they clearly wont follow your preferences, so you are putting him into childcare.

You are a mother now, find your voice and advocate for yourself and your child. You will thank yourself later. Ignore the inevitable tantrum.

ILoveMyCaravan · 10/05/2026 21:27

My mother gave my 4 month old ds chocolate as she wanted to be the first one to do it. She practically shoved a chocolate button in his mouth. It was Easter, but still 🤷🏻‍♀️ She also knew I would be against it but did it anyway. Just the start of overstepping my boundaries as a mother…