Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

Exactly! Get a fucking grip OP!

Tbh I wouldn't be happy either as dont intend to give mine chocolate until further through weaning. If she knew you didn't approve that is disrespectful too and again agree that you or ?dad if in picture should give first treats when you are ready too.
Im not sure about choking though - don't think thats true at 9month if eating other foods.

Saying that if they are providing ?free childcare a day every week then grandparents will do these & likely need to be accepted. If chose nursery, you'd have more choice/control over these things.

I don't think it's a choking hazard. But I'd be really piased she did it on purpose and was smug about it. I'd say something.

I would be really upset too. For all the reasons you mentioned.

I mean, not ideal but I would have just said please do not give him again. He is too young for chocolate. That’s it! I dont think it’s a big deal.

I’d be pissed if someone gave my baby candy and if it seemed like they were going to give my kids crap while minding them, I wouldn’t have them do it regularly. We didn’t take weening “seriously” but we did take seriously that kids develop their tastes for sugar and salt young and really didn’t offer anything that wasn’t naturally sweet at all until DC was about 3. They didn’t ask for it, didn’t know what it was and really had no occasion to have it. I really cannot fathom why parents of onlies would introduce sugary treats any earlier than they absolutely have to. Why add in something else you have to say no to?

The comments on here are wild. I would be livid! Not so much about taking a first experience from you although it’s shitty but why on earth does a 9 month old need chocolate.

Some people are fucking obsessed with giving kids sugar. It is weird. I would just tell her straight not to do that. Beware though because people really are oddballs about sugar. But she should not be interfering like that.

Suck it up buttercup!

your not going to be there for every 1st! Little one will likely take their 1st steps for someone else as well but that’s what happens when you go back to work full time and use childcare. A nursery would likely not mention it to you so when they did it at home you’d think it was their 1st time but really they’ve likely done it a good few times at childcare before you’ll see it.

you’ll need to get used to grandma breaking some rules that don’t harm your child, that’s what they do and that’s what makes their bond special!

Hahahahahahaha. This wins the internet today

Get a grip. It’s a bit of chocolate. If grandparents can’t spoil their grand babies then what has the world come to. Don’t say anything. You may lose the childcare for a start, as if it were me, your sanctimonious comments about it would right piss me off

You're overreacting op. Your baby is 9 months old not 9 weeks. A little taste of things every now and again really wont do any harm. Relax a little. First time parents moan about not having a village then cause issues with said village over nothing.

Personally I think you’re right, parents’ generation love to undermine the parents sometimes, just little jibes here and there. She knew how you felt and didn’t ask, boldly doing it. I adore my mum and aunt, but occasionally they’ve said “well in my day, mothers these days”, all that stuff. I think this is part of that. Also grandparents hormonal role is to dispense sugar I’m sure, I don’t think they have any control over it. MIL who is soooo sweet and obliging, had son say that’s enough cake for her now, and she literally looked him in the eye, took another spoon, and fed it to toddler. That is not her usual style!! If she’s gonna care for your child, and you have different food styles, I would sooner rather than later talk to her about it. What kind of food you feed your child, etc. Drawing up a list of what you usually feed her, because if she doesn’t know it can be hard to think of ideas. Because you need to be on the same page, or if you’re ok with processed food/chocolate, you need to talk about that really and just make sure expectations and communication is flowing both ways. My mum for example is happy with jelly whereas she’d ask me and I’d say ours goes wild on sugar so let’s stick to fruit and yoghurt. Doesn’t mean they have no fun food together but the communication is there. Good luck!

I’d be pissed off too, and it’s not about chocolate, it’s about boundaries, your MIL knew what that boundary was, and she went charging through it.

My DGD isn't on solids yet, but when she is (I’ll be doing some childcare) I’ll be respecting whatever beliefs her parents have.
My parents respected my beliefs when dd was little, although they were pretty much the same as theirs had been when we were little, and so far my dd, as a parent, is pretty much the same.

The 'free childcare' argument is absurd to me.
'I look after your child for free, so I can do whatever I like'... What a wild way to treat your children or their partners. My parents and in-laws look after my children because they love them and want to spend time with them. They don't do it to force me to feel obligated to do whatever they like!
My son didn't have refined sugar till he was 2, no one teased me about it or threatened to give him some because they did me a favour. After reading this thread I'm feeling very grateful for having such a healthy relationship with the family members that look after my children!

Right people are totally missing the point.

Forget about the whole ‘first’ thing, yes I would have liked to have given it to see his reaction but it’s seriously not a big deal I shouldn’t have mentioned that in my post because that isn’t the issue.

The main issue which I should have kept the posts focus on is that she totally went against the ONE SINGLE thing we have told her. I have never asked or told her to do anything since having my son, hence why he sometimes returns completely wired from no sleep when he’s been with them.

The only thing me and DP have EVER said is, we have decided to hold off giving him chocolate / sweet treats for a while yet. That’s it. It’s not hard , it’s not a crazy request. He’s 9 months old fgs. She could have given him anything, any fruit, yoghurt, his baby melty crisps. But instead she decided to give him the one and only thing we said no to.

When he is a bit older and starts going there when I’m back in work I understand they’ll want to spoil him , but he’ll be older by then and it won’t be an issue. I don’t care him having chocolate when he’s older and in their care but don’t want my 9 month eating something like that when there are so many alternatives.

Im not worried about ‘a bit of chocolate’ tbh I don’t give a shit that he’s consumed it, it’s the pure ignorance and just totally undermining the only thing we have asked in the last 9 months.

Absolutely this. I can't imagine a relationship based on those kind of transactions, that result in boundaries being broken and a lack of trust.

I'm extremely grateful for my own DM when I read these threads.

Adding to give a bit of support to you OP though going by your replies you are pretty confident in what you want for your baby and you shouldn’t feel the need to reply to some of the unhelpful replies here.

A bit of chocolate doesn’t hurt of course. Most have a bit of chocolate, go through a beige phase and learn to enjoy veg as they get older.

But why interfere with enjoying healthy foods with something so unnecessary?? Giving an under 1 chocolate is entirely about pleasing the carer, not the baby.

I think the chocolate is actually irrelevant @areandare, the important thing is that you need to completely trust someone you leave your child with. If she goes against your express wishes, you can't. Doesn't really matter what your wishes are, she should follow them and if she feels they're so ridiculous, she can't, then she shouldn't be looking after your baby - her choice.

I don't think there's anything wrong in repeating your choice that he doesn't have chocolate and if she does it again, then this isn't working.

It’s not good to develop a taste for sugar. A young baby shouldn’t be given chocolate.
I agree with you,OP. And MIL should respect your wishes. Childcare issues are irrelevant.

I don’t think she is overreacting tbh. Research suggests no sugar for the first 2 years of babies life. Yes we all know the baby is fine and a one tiny taste won’t do any harm in the grand scheme of things… but it’s still disrespectful. Do they think they can give baby chocolate every time? If baby was older yes grandparents do spoil their grandchildren. My mum does it with mine they stay up all hours eating sweets (which annoyed me at first because it’s me who managed the tiredness and sugar crashes the day after) but as they get older you become more relaxed with things I think. I think the issue is the baby is still so young so why introduce foods with zero nutritional value at this point. And the lack of trust and respect from the grandparents.

Depends what the MiL is like the rest of the time. Mine gave my under 1 year old daughter chocolate exactly the same way. With her it was all about power and control because shes she’s a narcissist. If your MiL is normal and nice please count yourself lucky because mine is a massive see you next Tuesday.

On the one hand, YABU to make such a fuss about chocolate.

On the other hand, it sounds like your MIL was actually revelling in doing something she knew you didn’t want her to do, which is a red flag. Some grandparents struggle with the loss of status and power that comes with the transition from parent to grandparent, and seek to try and reassert their power in petty ways. I would not say anything on this occasion (it would probably just give her pleasure to know she’s rattled you, over your (what she clearly believes to be) “silly” rules), but I’d keep an eye out for the next occasion.

@Greengage1983 that’s the thing though, I haven’t made a fuss about chocolate. Not one bit actually. We simply told them now that he’s eating that we’re not giving him chocolate yet because he’s so young there’s simply no need. It wasn’t a big deal or an unreasonable request. The problem is that they just did what they wanted to anyway.

Yeah I know, forget my first sentence. What I’m trying to say is… if, say, they were also looking after another older grandchild who had some chocolate, and the baby just grabbed it and starting eating it and they let him, and then they were like “oops, really sorry Areandare, we know you don’t want him to have chocolate but he did have a little bit, as his cousin was eating some and we didn’t want to upset him by taking it off him” - OK. Not a big deal. That’s life.
But the fact she seemed smug, and deliberately went out of her way to do something you’d asked her not to do… red flag. Sounds like a power trip.