To think that this person was house angel etc ..

[onlyaparatraik]

Just wondering what you think and need your opinion please.
A woman I know very well is soft, loving and kind a home to her husband and family.
she runs the home super efficiently, is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.
Gos friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated.
He says she is entirely different at home albeit with a secret alcohol addiction . Secret to outside the family. Relationships were th husband and children are breaking down.
is this the very typical house angel scenario?
I need objectivity please as I’m too close to the family.
just your thoughts please

What is a house angel?

Sorry house angel meaning a person is totally different inside the home than when outside the home

House Angel?

What in God's name is this silly phrase now?

You don't need anyone's thoughts on this because quite frankly it's none of your business.

And if you're going to insist it is then you can go and talk to her about it, and get your answers from her.

I haven't a clue what you're talking about but maybe you could explain why this is your business?

House angel, street devil

Or street angel house devil etc

The phrase is "Street angel, house devil". It refers to someone who appears kind, generous, loving in public but who is abusive in the privacy of their own home.

It's a saying that has been used since at least the late 18th century in English.

I don’t want to out myself by explaining my relationship to the lady . Im here for your opinions. I would have asked her if it was appropriate. Which is why I’m here instead.

Perhaps write clearly then with a defined point.

House angel? Gos friend? What are you asking?

How can anyone in here know what this woman is doing or not doing - especially when your post doesn't even make sense? By 'Gos' did you mean 'his?' Are you asking if this woman is an alcoholic abusing her family?

im asking if you think that my description of this lady fits the phrase house angel, street devil .. and what in your experience or professional opinion if appropriate, Is going on here ?

People gossiping is what’s going on here

Bet she’s your DIL

As I said , I’m very close to the dynamic but am failing to see what everyone else sees

Sounds like a really unhealthy dynamic for all concerned, encouraging grown adults to be incapable of basic self reliance and competence in day to day life and cultivating a misogynistic outlook that belongs in the 1950s. Not surprised she has an alcohol addiction, the women forced into this role in the 50s were generally hooked on valium to deal with the emotional impact of such an oppressive setup. You are asking the wrong question @onlyaparatraik - it doesn't matter one bit whether she's a "house angel" - the critical point is that clearly the stress of upholding this horrible complex of expectations is becoming too much and the cracks are showing. Maybe she would claim to be ok with the setup due to years of conditioning where she's grown to build her self worth on the extent to which she can live up to this impossible standard. However, dismantling it all and letting each person find a path of liberty combined with responsibility for just oneself without this nauseating adult-baby dependency would be much healthier than trying to reinforce over those cracks to delay the inevitable collapse.

OP, is your question that someone can be lovely inside their home where they feel secure and comfortable and safe, but very prickly outside it, due to eg shyness, anxiety, neurodivergence, etc? If so, then yes, of course. But if this person is treating her DH’s friends badly outside the home, I suspect the situation is more complicated.

What is 'gos friend',
What do you mean by a sahm to adults - do you mean she 'mothers' her husband?
What do you mean by she's 'a home to her husband and family'?
What is a typical house angel scenario?

What are you expected to do that will help?

Would suggest that you keep well out of it except for being supportive to whoever needs it.

Well no, because a house angel street devil would be someone who is lovely at home to their family and an arsehole out and about, you seem to be describing the opposite?!

It sounds to me that her ability/intelligence is greater than her husbands and she feels like taking control of things. Either that or she's putting her energy in the wrong place, needs to be working outside the home etc. She could have more energy than she knows what to do with. It happens to husbands too if they're at home for too long, they can end up organising their wife

What is a house angel and why does the terminology matter?

Is this a situation you are involved in or need help with?

What?

I don't think anyone can give an informed view here with so little information or without knowing these people in real life.

If he's being treated badly, he needs to think about leaving her.

I was thinking this too!

During my childhood, house angel street devil meant a child who behaved at home but not in public. Street angel house devil (tantrums at home but behave for teacher/granny) was far more common. I’m a bit confused, she does sound controlling but I know a couple with this dynamic and he loves it.

Secret alcoholism is another thing entirely.