To think that this person was house angel etc ..

[onlyaparatraik]

Just wondering what you think and need your opinion please.
A woman I know very well is soft, loving and kind a home to her husband and family.
she runs the home super efficiently, is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.
Gos friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated.
He says she is entirely different at home albeit with a secret alcohol addiction . Secret to outside the family. Relationships were th husband and children are breaking down.
is this the very typical house angel scenario?
I need objectivity please as I’m too close to the family.
just your thoughts please

IME of family members and work colleagues with alcohol problems there is very little you can do unless the person acknowledges they have a problem and are ready to accept help.

I doubt anything else can be done about the other issues until the drinking is addressed, and once it is, these other things might nolonger be a concern.

This is quite an odd thread and I don't really know what you think you'll get from it.

If you think someone is an alcoholic and you have concerns about the way she treats her husband, just say that, rather than making weird, oblique references to 'does this woman none of you have ever met meet the definition of a 'house angel'' which isn't going to help you in the slightest.

Right, but can you clearly state what the problem is please because I have no idea what you are asking for.

I've no idea what of the following is true and it can't all be:

She has a problem with drink (needing drinks to get through the day is a problem)

She's controlling and isolating her husband/ and possibly children

She's lovely and completely misunderstood by her husbands friends

She's happy at home doing household organisation

She's overworked at home and miserable

She's pleasant (an angel) at home to her husband and children

She's horrible at home to her husband and children, but portrays herself as 'an angel' to people outside the home

Chat gpt summarize? Didn’t help much either.

No, amazingly I'm capable of reading something and asking questions all on my own.

Paragraphs and lists are not the sole preserve of AI.

I think you should keep your nose out. Her husband should leave if she is so terrible. It's easy for him to give you a version of events to support his narrative.

I meant that if it was, not even chat gpt could make sense of OP’s post.. I was tempted myself to ask chat gpt to explain. Didn’t mean to offend you, sorry.

This is the most confusing post I’ve ever read. I’ve no idea what the situation is…..

I think the situation is this

The woman is thought of by all as a good housewife/ SAHM as this is the impression everyone gets of her
However her DH has let slip she isnt really like this and has a drink problem , his friends are not keen on her

Why does the family need helping though?

The way you picture it is of this woman who has been a SAHM for years, looks after her family very well, keeps the house tip top and husband seems happy with the set up but his friends don't like the woman and think she is controlling and abusive (and could well be if she has a drinking problem).

Have either of these people come to you for advice or are you the woman in this scenario and are worried the husband will start taking notice of his friends? If you are not directly involved why do you feel the need to help them?

You're definitely the husband and are concerned that your relationship is breaking down because of her "secret" (although not so secret) alcohol addiction. If you are concerned that your otherwise "wonderful" "angel" wife has a drinking problem but isn't admitting it, then I would suggest you get in touch with Al-Anon family support https://al-anonuk.org.uk/. It makes absolutely no difference to the situation you are describing what any of us here think this woman should be called. What should concern you (if indeed you are her husband) is either she gets some help or you get some help (or both of you get some help). None of the other things you've added to this thread are relevant: that she was a SAHM; that your friends don't like her; or that she's socially active. None of those things are causing your relationship to potentially breakdown. Please seek some help for yourself at least.

It's also confusing because you say this woman doesn't like going out and asks her husband to stay at home too but then you also state she has lots of pastimes and a great social life yet her home is her place and she doesn't enjoy going out.

I'm sure most of us are! The professional persona at work, get home, moan, have a drink, let it all hang out lol 😆

Putting on an image of perfection in this case must be difficult and not necessary, trying to prove something?

I can’t make head or tail of this. I’ve never heard of a house angel, I don’t know what ‘gos’ is and can’t figure out what any of this has to do with you.

Can you start again and write this in a way that makes sense? In what way is she a street devil? What is the problem you are trying to describe? It's irrelevant what her vodka is flavoured like, you've not made sense.

Are you the drunk lady?

Gos - "his" typo
House angel - lovely at home, controlling out of the home
What's it got to do with OP - who knows

What's a "gos friend" for a start?

I thought it was street angel house devil- in other words, someone who behaves impeccably whilst out and about but behind closed doors is abusive / domestic violence, etc. An old fashioned phrase.

...........it is very much my business as I am directly affected

Okay, so go and ask them.

They'll have a better idea than randoms on MN who haven't got a clue what you mean

I'm sorry too, I thought you were trying to say I was an AI troll but without stepping over the 'troll hunting' line!

Has either the husband or wife asked for your help, with anything? If not then you are overstepping your relationship/friendship.

Why do you care so much ??? Leave others to their own business.

How are affected and why are you talking in riddles and what is house angel?

I'm fairly certain the OP is the husband. He has said he's not the MiL nor the woman but someone who is "very close" "directly affected" and "knows exactly what’s going on.". Then consider the language used "the lady in question" (what woman would use that turn of phrase?) and he describes the husband glowingly as "a very involved father and loving husband". He's obviously concerned for her well-being, but by not being very open here about his situation, isn't going to get any useful advice.

His friends may be drunken lad types who want him down at the pub drinking watching the games, or perhaps he has a drinking problem and is one of the disgusting men I've read about who get drunk to the point of incoherence, vomiting and urinating everywhere. Which is a very good reason to ask him to stay in.
I don't see why her drinking at home is his friends business.