To think that this person was house angel etc ..

[onlyaparatraik]

Just wondering what you think and need your opinion please.
A woman I know very well is soft, loving and kind a home to her husband and family.
she runs the home super efficiently, is a full time SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times and social life.
Gos friends don’t like her. They accuse her of being controlling, bossy towards him and largely opinionated.
He says she is entirely different at home albeit with a secret alcohol addiction . Secret to outside the family. Relationships were th husband and children are breaking down.
is this the very typical house angel scenario?
I need objectivity please as I’m too close to the family.
just your thoughts please

She has a variety of past times

The catalogue? I used to love that.

Has she insisted, or is it more like if she doesn't do it then it won't get done? You also have to wonder about the drinking at home, clearly she's not happy there.
I am going to guess that you are the MIL and she is the DIL.

She insisted . It was very important to her that she was a SAHM and it was a financial struggle at times. I am neither MIL nor her.

I think you are getting muddled
The term is Street Angel House Devil
What this means is she gives the impression of being kind loving housewife -to others but is secretly drinking and terrorises her husband and DC
Its all about presenting a fake face to the world
Highly likely to be narcissistic

People are multi-faceted and behave in different ways in different situations towards different people. I'm still not sure what your question is.

The entire scenario is confusing and becoming even more so with each additional drip feed. I suspect you are the DH in this instance describing your own wife. If so, what are you looking for in terms of advice?

I've read the thread for the third time now, it's very confusing. So if I understand correctly from reading the first part, she is very kind and loving at home to her husband and kids, but husband's friends don't like her. But then OP goes on to say that relationships with husband and children are breaking down.

So which is it?

Regarding the friends, it's possible that husband doesn't want to go out and he lacks the backbone to tell his friends the truth, so he says that his wife won't let him.

this makes no sense at all. If she manages her dh’s pastimes, how is she behaving wonderfully in the home?

I suspect the husband is lazy and has outsourced everything to his wife.

I would LOVE one of those 😆

Thing is, if their marriage suits them both this way, then that's between them.

And if it doesn't suit them, then... nah, that's still between them... 🤷‍♀️

This is exactly it . She is all of those things but the effects of her drinking has started to cause the breakdown of the family relationships but she doesn’t think she has an addiction. Just some drinks to get through the day.

SAHM to adults and basically manages her husbands clothes, meals, past times

You’ve written about past times twice, I genuinely don’t understand what you mean? What does it mean? To me it’s time that has gone by, but then again English is not my first language. I find your post very confusing to say the least.

Pastimes. Hobbies.

Sounds like she needs some support to be honest.
are you able to help her?

Perhaps the wife has had a lifetime of being underappreciated and maybe she's reached a point where she's having some regrets about choices that have been made. Who really knows? But one thing is clear and it's that she is unhappy. Perhaps try to help her.

Are you asking if it’s a typical scenario ?

Ok thanks. That’s kind of different then. I was thinking what IS there to manage that has been in the past. 😂

Yes I am available to help but don’t know how to approach it

I need an house angel if that's the case

I think you have no way of knowing what this dynamic really is. It may well be that's she's abusive and an alcoholic at home, but it also could be that he is controlling and abusive and is bad mouthing her to isolate her and she may be drinking to cope if at all.

I'm not sure why you're asking tbh. How do you know all of this? Is it all from her husband that you are hearing this? Or are you seeing this with your own eyes?

If he's telling you that she's abusive then you need to signpost him to relevant supports.

If he's telling you she's struggling with alcohol then similarly you need to signpost him to relevant supports.

I suspect she may be the house angel in question

Do you mean God’s friends don’t like her? Is that why she has to be a stay at home angel?
And who are God’s friends? The Apostles? Surely a few of those are ok with her having a drink? I mean, I’ve seen the picture of The Last Supper and those guys were lit!
And does God live in a palace with her? I thought he was a man of the people?

So many questions. This sounds like an existential crisis!

What are Gos friends?

I mean it’s not really your business, is it?

Do you actually know what’s going on inside their home? Or are you and other family members just gossiping?

It is up to her and her h if she has a job or not.

How is this your business?