To tell in-laws to do one?

[FriendlyMedusa]

Okay obviously I won't phrase it like that, but DH and I are thinking about sending a message to his family's WhatsApp chat asking them to back off for a bit.

In the last month DH has been made redundant, our beloved cat had to be put to sleep, and I had my fingers broken in a random attack by a stranger. We're both a mess and the last thing we want is to host his parents. They do know about all of these things happening.

Last week they (MIL and FIL) texted that they "must" visit for 3 days in May. We said May is really busy and we're too stressed, how about June? - No reply.
Today they sent a text saying they ARE coming round for 3 days... From tomorrow! They live at the opposite end of the country, FTR, and we do not see them often. DH reiterates that we don't want to and are busy. Cue barrage of guilt-tripping, insulting texts from them:

"You seem to lead very chaotic lives but that is no excuse to not spend time with us."
"You have really upset [MIL]. This is not acceptable. "
"You will not be welcome at our home again until you apologise to [MIL]."
"We are still driving up tomorrow. If you will not at least meet us for a couple of hours, there will be consequences."

Whew. I don't want to reward this behaviour (it happens every few months) but I'm tempted to just for an easier life. Help?

Because they've been horribly rude and unpleasant?

Have they ever sent these type of messages before as they sound like panicked people to me. First they see you this month and now these crazy threats to see you now. I would be curious to know what caused this, if it is something they haven’t done before.

It's emotional capacity, not time constraints. They don't feel they have the emotional capacity to deal with these clearly demanding relatives at present.

Why is there always a hint of ‘no smoke without fire’ on these threads. Several posters have relayed their own similar stories with domineering, know-it-all parents who manipulate their offspring into adulthood. Not everyone has functional or emotionally mature parents. I always wonder at the lack of some people being able to put themselves in others shoes.

They're bullies and I wouldn't entertain their nonsense. Let the feel those consequences.

Absolutely not. You don't want them there so they don't come. No reasoning needed.

This is the best way to respond. I won't tell you how I would respond!

Clearly they like to threaten writing your DH out of their Will in order to control him. Despicable people. My inlaws did that to my DH and did actually write him out when we went no contact with them, which was to be expected.

As much as it hurt my DH (we didn't have much choice but to go NC due to constant abuse from them), I found it rather liberating at the time.

Now though, years later, it stings a bit for both of us as we'd have been rich 😂

People don't act demeaning without a reason. An awful lot of people act demeaning just because 1) They can 2) They feel entitled to. No other reason.

It's beyond rude to impose yourself on people who do not want to host.

then you see them and put up with the ensuing shit

It’s baffling to me that people who have been told they aren’t welcome insist on coming. How much fun will that meeting be?! Obviously there is a whole history behind this, but I don’t think you should allow yourselves to be blackmailed.

The OP has said it happens every few months

Park a couple streets away and dont answer the door

Dh mum threatened him with being cut out of the will 2 yrs ago.He hasn't spoken to her since.

“We are still unable to host for the same reasons we’ve already given. June is an option, let us know if that works for you”

Actually, I really like this reply.
You are not playing their game, by answering their ridiculous accusations so they can fire back at you. Illustrating that these arguments of their just don't work. And re iterating that you said no and mean no. Its polite but shows you are taking no nonsense.
Perfect.

I was about to post that they've tipped you over the edge this time and I think you'd both feel even worse if you gave in. Particularly as their comments, which I also think are abusive indicate they will be arriving in a hostile frame of mind, spoiling for a fight and ready to give you both a good piece of their minds. Frankly, I think it would be really unpleasant for both of you but particularly for your DH who is feeling fragile about his redundancy. Its the very last thing you need.
The way they speak to you.. it just all added up
"Chaotic lifestyle" ... so insulting.
And the whole threatening consequences... sheer bullying.
Plus the fact that you said they have often held the threat of disinheritance over DH's head. That's just awful because it indicates to me that its not the first time they have threatened and blackmailed him. It's really abusive.

Just go out for the day and turn off your phones. They sound like a nightmare.

I would be buggering off somewhere. Or at least hiding the car in another street and closing the blinds. No one would speak to me like that.

Fortunately my parents did not drive so they just guilt tripped me for not visiting them often enough. Or rather they tried to. There were only land lines back then.

I was cut out of my parents will. So if they’re threatening that and behaving like this I would go no contact. I wish I had years ago instead of all the pain and stress of still seeing them and being treated as you are now. All the best and I hope things get better soon.
I’d send a message to say. ‘We do not respond to threats. You must not visit our house as you are not welcome and won’t be allowed access’
Then block them on all phones and social media.

Do this - perfect response!

You’re not welcome in their home until you apologise but they’re still coming to yours ??!!! Message back and say it will be a wasted journey as you’ve already told them you won’t be available, and that they won’t be welcome in your home until they grow up and act like reasonable adults, and realise that you are not children to be bullied into submission.

Hello Premier Inn for a few days, let them find a locked up house!

Seconding closing the curtains and not answering the door. The arrogance of them.

I hope life gets better for you soon.

Because they are utterly horrible people.

Absolutely this!!

who the hell are they to threaten you with “consequences??”

Dear God.. the world gets madder by the day!

Hoping your lives improve O, wishing you a better summer 💐

I’d reply, “Unfortunately, you don't seem to have paid attention to the situation we have explained that we are in. We are stressed about the redundancy, grieving a pet and in shock following a violent assault. We want some time and space alone which is a very reasonable request in the circumstances. We are both very taken aback that you aren’t showing any understanding, that you think hosting you is a priority above all of that and are telling us that we will be letting you stay or else.

There is no need for this to turn into an awkward situation or a conflict. That’s not what we want. Please don’t turn up uninvited as we aren’t preparing to host you and cannot let you stay. We hope that this makes our side of things clear.”

Seriously, @FriendlyMedusa - you husband needs therapy, he really does.

There clearly are so many issues - associated with his dysfunctional upbringing, his parents’ overbearing attitude and his poor self esteem - which he will never get to grips with on his own.