AIBU to make DS16 reports sexual messages sent from his phone?

[BusyJoker]

DS (year 12) has been tutoring a year 9 girl for about a year. He told me that someone stole his phone without his knowledge during sixth form today and started mass sending sexual messages to all the girls in his contacts on snapchat. One of the people that was messaged is the year 9 girl DS is tutoring saying something along the lines of "Do you want to hook up I'm horny." DS was friends with the person before the incident and the person did it as a "joke". I encouraged DS to inform his school about this situation but he is refusing to do so as he doesn't want to be seen as a snitch by others and is saying his friend did a joke that crossed the line. What should I do? What action will the sixth form take against the pupil likely if informed?

Sending that kind of message to a 14 year old girl out of nowhere (from her perspective) is most definitely sexual harassment

What other kinds of sexual harassment do you imagine get a pass because they were a joke? Absolutely ridiculous

“My friend took my phone and did it” is right up there with “I was holding the cigarette for a friend”, “That text was meant for someone else” and “The dog ate my homework”.

YOU need to go in and report it.

Don’t rely on him. Teenagers are daft!

Yeah, this is an occasion where you need to overrule him

Teenagers tend not to leave their phones unlocked. That’s already fishy.
With such a serious matter, why are you stuck as to what to do?
Could it be that he doesn’t want you to report because in actual fact no friend did it but he himself did?

You are passive. If I was the year 9’s parent, I would be reporting him.

I would be suspicious about why he doesn't want to report it too, given it could affect his life.

By not reporting this to the school, it could come back and bite him on the ass. This girl may not have shown her parents, she might have deleted the message but you have no way of knowing that. If he sits back and does nothing, and the Mum of this girl finds the message or she decides to tell her parents in 4 weeks time, your son will be asked why didn't he report it. It looks suspicious and he might not be believed that he didn't send the messages. It's a safeguarding issue, especially if he's tutoring too!!

Looks like tour son learned a lesson about "the company you keep"

Sounds like he is also going to learn another lesson about there being no glory for taking the rap for someone else's fuck up. Most people don't learn that until the workplace. He's got a head start I suppose....

(if of course that IS what happened...)

Agreed. Completely horrified by this thread.

Obviously DS is not fit to tutor younger children - whether he sent the messages himself or was so stupid to leave his phone unlocked and be used by 'friends'.

Obviously I see it from that young girl & her parent’s perspective.
That’s why I said they need to call there & explain & go to school .
Do you not think yourself it was immature boys acting like idiots ??
It is a whole different story obviously if this girl was pestered , going by OPS explanation of events it was a once off , every girl he has on snap chat got the same message .
I’m only basing my opinion on the facts being presented.

This !

He's almost 17. How much of a pass are you willing to give sex offending young men in general?

I reckon he's messaged her himself.

Completely different. Your son did this while the friend was asleep .. this happened while everyone was awake and at school, so no comparison. Did your son send a sexual message to all contacts? I assume not .. so different again.

OP has been given quite a hard time here. I hope she has been in contact with school and that DS is being encouraged to show a better understanding of why what he has done is serious.

Oh that’s okay then. If it’s immature boys acting like idiots, then it doesn’t matter that a young girl was subject to sexual harassment. 🙄🙄

How many times should she be contacted before it is harassment ? Given her age and situation?

I’m sorry but I think he’s ‘misremembering’ this. I cannot believe a 16 year old would not realise their phone had been taken from right under their nose and not immediately make a fuss about it.

She’s been given a hard time because she’s minimising it.

How the hell did he manage to get the approval to tutor a girl by advertising online? Did he get a DBS? Her parents are either stupid or gullible.

What has he learned though? That whether or not he did it, it’s fine as long as he tries not to do it again? His mother doesn’t really want to involve the authorities.

Even if he didn’t sent the message (which seems unlikely), he may as well have as he’s let someone use it on his behalf.

I think he probably messaged the girl himself. If he is 16 and she is 14 it is not a criminal matter but he will probably lose the tutoring job. Very inappropriate message.

Of course it’s their fault. Because it couldn’t possibly be that he acted like a dick. Perhaps they should have done more due diligence but he is the one responsible for the fallout

It is a shame it’s not a criminal matter. He will get away with it and most people seem to think that’s fair.

Please explain how sexual harassment is not a criminal matter.

I quite agree. Her attitude is astonishingly lax.