Ex MIL keeps asking me for money

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a child with my ex husband and we have been separated for many years. Ex-H has DS a couple of times a week and in that time, he can also visit his grandmother etc.

The last few times DS has been at his granny's was because she had requested to see him and asked if he could stay (I havent initiated etc). Once DS arrives (this is usually after a night at his dads etc), then ex MIL will ring or text me that evening asking for £10 for the following day.

The past couple of times I have just sent it up as it was a novelty that DS was staying the night etc. However, its now every time he stays, even if she asks to see him and ita not me asking for a favour etc (which then I could see why giving a bit of money would be reasonable)

I asked DS what he got up to with his granny. They had took the bus into town and wandered around a couple of hours and came home. A bus ticket for DS is around £2. The rest of the day was at home.

I asked ex MIL this time why she didn't ask her own son for this money when he dropped him off. Apparently, she says its because ex-h pays me CMS so therefore it should be me giving this to her (I get £30 a week, so not exactly the big bucks).

AIBU to put my foot down and say no more money will be given to her unless its for a specific activity? And that the cost has to be run by me first before he can stay as well?

I barely have much money left now as I am paying off a wedding in two months time.

So your meant to be able to make 30 stretch a whole week for your ds but shes needs 10 of that for a day that shes requested? NOPE

I find this incredibly sad to read. And really tight of the ex MIL. I see my grandson most weeks (as in I take him away from his home, I never visit), and take him on 2-3 holidays a year, and he sometimes has sleepovers. I pay for a family National Trust membership for the two of us, English Heritage membership and also pay for his Historic Houses membership. I don't ask his mum who has custody, nor my son (his dad) for a single penny. I buy any clothes/equipment for activities I take him on that the parents don't do, e.g. hiking boots, reef shoes, wet suits etc, bucket and spade. I gladly do this for my grandson, indeed it's a pleasure to be able to give him these amazing opportunities and enrich his life. I feel sorry for your DS that his grandmother isn't the same.

This.

Any reasonable person can see that the grandmother is the CF here. However you always get the people on MN who are just here for a fight. If you say black they will say white.

Wow . Just wow . No money at all for her , if your ex wants to pay her he can do it himself

I would refuse to give her money, to be sure she actually wants to see DS, because the time he is spending with her sounds like something she would do whether her GS was there or not.

I expect they think you're new guy might pay

Id ask what the money is for and if she says bus fare if day next time I'll give DS his money to pay for himself on the bus, it sounds like you pay for her and DS bus fare and tbh if she can't afford the bus fare she shouldn't take him into town, if she's on pension maybe she can't afford bus fare and food but your ex should sort that out.

It's irrelevant what she does with the money. Part of the reason he only pays £30 must be because he has him 2 days a week, surely? On that basis, he needs to give you £30 and his mum £6. It's very simple, if he can't afford to pay his mum and doesn't want the time with his son, you'll keep him while they sort their out.

But mum's and their boys, she obvs feels he is hard done by and you are a villain (assuming or she wouldn't be charging you).

And hope the wedding goes well 😀

This...... you are paying her to see her grandchild - not for 'childcare'.

You don't ask family for money, unless an expensive ticket day out and even then it's a reciprocated treat IME.

Can we all point to the bitter, entitled granny on this page?

Not the OPs job to subsidize an entitled old biddy like that granny.

The OP getting married will be the best thing for the child as he will be able to see a normal, healthy relationship instead of the crappy, insane granny one.