Ex MIL keeps asking me for money

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a child with my ex husband and we have been separated for many years. Ex-H has DS a couple of times a week and in that time, he can also visit his grandmother etc.

The last few times DS has been at his granny's was because she had requested to see him and asked if he could stay (I havent initiated etc). Once DS arrives (this is usually after a night at his dads etc), then ex MIL will ring or text me that evening asking for £10 for the following day.

The past couple of times I have just sent it up as it was a novelty that DS was staying the night etc. However, its now every time he stays, even if she asks to see him and ita not me asking for a favour etc (which then I could see why giving a bit of money would be reasonable)

I asked DS what he got up to with his granny. They had took the bus into town and wandered around a couple of hours and came home. A bus ticket for DS is around £2. The rest of the day was at home.

I asked ex MIL this time why she didn't ask her own son for this money when he dropped him off. Apparently, she says its because ex-h pays me CMS so therefore it should be me giving this to her (I get £30 a week, so not exactly the big bucks).

AIBU to put my foot down and say no more money will be given to her unless its for a specific activity? And that the cost has to be run by me first before he can stay as well?

I barely have much money left now as I am paying off a wedding in two months time.

I voted YABU because in the words of your DP you are pandering to her "absolute nonsense".

As for buying your child another coat when he's got two already - YABU for that too. It's May, he can cope without a coat until you get the other two back. And if either of them refuse to give them back - charge them for them.

I'd have as little contact with this conwoman ex-MIL as possible. If she wants to be paid for spending time with her grandchild, her feckless son can pay her.

Either your exMIL doesn't know how little CM you're getting, or she's stuck in 1977, when there were three TV channels, Star Wars was something new and £30 was a lot of money. Or, as other posters have suggested, she's a brazen CF. A browse of children's shoes in Clinkard's front window is enough to make child-free me hyperventilate in shock and they've never been a cheap item - I have distinct memories of being taken to buy new Mary Janes and my mother trying to hide her anxiety about the price. So I don't know what version of reality your MiL is living in, but I agree with posters who suggest that she should take the issue of expenses up with her son, not you.

I’d think ex isn’t letting on how little he’s tipping up in CMS. He should be appalled at only paying £30 a week and you paying everything else.
It’s a shame you’ve started but I’d just be frank that you are happy for ds to go if she wants to see him but you haven’t got spare cash to send him with, only £30 a week CMS is making things really hard.

Stop facilitating her seeing him in your time, seeing her should come out of ex's time and he (or GM) should be sucking up any costs in that time...cheeky fuckers

He really couldnt today. It was lashing down with heavy rain, and he has his school swimming lesson today, so I didnt want him going out for that with no waterproof coat.

I would have got either one of them to meet me at the school with one of them, but his dad cant get our of work, and his granny is apparently too old to walk 10 mins to the school (but is perfectly ok walking around town centres and redecorating her house, doing gardening etc - she is not feeble put it that way and is just over 70 and in good shape for her age)

She’s probably giving it straight to him.

Never pay it again. Totally ignore the request or if you feel you can’t, say you don’t have it and if it’s a requirement for next time then she’s to let you know before he stays so that you can take him home instead of him staying.

Honestly I think she’s giving it to him. You don’t owe her a penny.

Don't give her anymore money! If she needs money she can ask her son but I bet she won't do that

Weird is this true. If she's hard up there's lots of free things she could do with him, just enjoying having him round the house for one. Walks, Parks,.

Can't believe anyone would want money when seeing their grandchild.

"Hi Vera, thanks for the message asking to see DS. ExH has him this weekend and I'm sure he would love to see you then so please do liaise with ExH. Just to let you know that I am unable to fund any of your visits/stays even if for some reason these were taking place during my time with DS (which should obviously only be in exceptional cases). I'm not sure whether ExH provides cash when you see DS but it is not something I am willing or able to do. I hope you are well in general. ellie09"

This is odd. My parents and in laws happily do things with my child and don't ask me for any money. I wouldn't have given her money the first time she asked.

Bet she thinks you're a meanie for taking maintenance off him when you earn more, and this is her way of trying to even it out.

With your subsequent messages on the coats this is starting to look like a concerted campaign to make your life difficult / expensive and ensure you have no benefit from CMS. I revise my advice. If he comes back without a coat or other costly item again I suggest you are straight into texting telling him to bring it over right now. Reminder text every day for a week then a letter before action telling him to bring it back or pay the cost of a replacement then strwight to the small claims court two weeks later if not returned. Nip this rubbish in the bud. I think it is time for no more contact for you with grandma either. Delete her number. If she wants to see your son she can contact his father. Any benefit it brings you isn’t worth it.

Absolute nonsense. I couldn't put it better myself.

Just tell her NOOOO - what a horrible CF!!

I wouldn't entertain this at all. Awful woman.

So judgmental.

Oh my god - I'm raging on your behalf. This arsehole of a woman is playing petty games with you and her and her family are absolutely not your problem anymore. This is kind of 'mind games' territory and bordering on abusive behaviour albeit not serious. I'd nearly go 'no contact' with her tbh. Your ex husbands mother is his problem. But I bet she's actually probably spoiling for a fight so my advice might not be the best advice.

What shit show?
She can just say no...
It's not actually a big thing lol

Yeah I think that grandma only gets to see your DC when they are with their dad and her and his father are getting sent a request for the money for the new jacket. How old is DC? Are you sure this crappy, petty grandmother of theirs isnt trash talking you for stealing her darling sons hard earned money?

So caring, that she charges her grandchild’s mother for spending time with her.

100% this.

Absolute CF! Don't give her a penny more.

Tell her to get lost. Do not give her any more money whatsoever the cheeky old bat. Get your ex to have a word and put her in her place. I would stop the visits for a while until she sorts her shit out as well. You owe her nothing and she knows it.

What?? Seriously, what are out on about?

Totally not being unreasonable, however, you say granny dearest lives a 10 min walk from school, so why didn't you just grab the coat from hers instead of buying a new one?