Ex MIL keeps asking me for money

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a child with my ex husband and we have been separated for many years. Ex-H has DS a couple of times a week and in that time, he can also visit his grandmother etc.

The last few times DS has been at his granny's was because she had requested to see him and asked if he could stay (I havent initiated etc). Once DS arrives (this is usually after a night at his dads etc), then ex MIL will ring or text me that evening asking for £10 for the following day.

The past couple of times I have just sent it up as it was a novelty that DS was staying the night etc. However, its now every time he stays, even if she asks to see him and ita not me asking for a favour etc (which then I could see why giving a bit of money would be reasonable)

I asked DS what he got up to with his granny. They had took the bus into town and wandered around a couple of hours and came home. A bus ticket for DS is around £2. The rest of the day was at home.

I asked ex MIL this time why she didn't ask her own son for this money when he dropped him off. Apparently, she says its because ex-h pays me CMS so therefore it should be me giving this to her (I get £30 a week, so not exactly the big bucks).

AIBU to put my foot down and say no more money will be given to her unless its for a specific activity? And that the cost has to be run by me first before he can stay as well?

I barely have much money left now as I am paying off a wedding in two months time.

Absolutely not - you don't need to justify it at all with how much you get from her son
Simply tell her if she can't afford to have him overnight she has 2 choices - she doesn't have him or she asks the custodial parent - her son - for the money as he is the one that is responsible for his welfare at that time.
You then block her

I immediately wondered if your ex has told his mum that he’s paying you loads of maintenance. Because that’s what my ex did lol. His brother was taking our dd away for the weekend with his own dd and he asked for money for her “seeing as your the one getting maintenance “. When I asked him how much of the ten pounds a week I got from ex would he like he was gobsmacked.

The poor child. They understand. Tussles over 10 quid, grasping gran, mother paying for some wedding when she has no money - the poor child. OK, you don't pay her, he finds out that gran was only interested in that money, not him, or you pay and tell him you pay gran, what is it doing to his sense of worth to his family? Why are you concerned only about who pays whom and not what impact it will have on him? Anyway, what paying for the wedding can there be if £10 is such an issue?

How old is your son?
Does the ex use her for childcare?

I

Just tell her if she cannot afford to have him you’ll collect him as the measley £30 a week doesn’t even pay to feed him for the week. What a miserable woman. To be honest it should be no contact between you, she should be contacting your ex.
i hope you’re new mil is better op.

Does your son want to go? If not then I’d just not let him go. If he does then could you ask ex H if he could take him to visit in his own time?

I used to pay my mum when I asked her to have my kids that didn't make her a grasping gran. OP isn't asking this woman to have DS she is asking and wanting the money. If she needs the money to cover extra costs to have him she should ask her son. The father.
What OP spends her money on is not relevant.

Your DS is seeing Ex mil in his time. This means he is fully responsible for his allocated time as to what expenditure there is as it's nothing to do with you. It's lovely that he is spending time with extended family but be clear that the times are split between two parents only.

Deleted as posted in wrong thread

I’d say he can’t go then, as that’s 1/3 of your pathetic £30 maintenance on one day. If she wants money, her son can provide it. I’d never ask for money to care for my own grandchild.

Don’t pay her anything! Even if she claims she will take your DS to a paying activity or feed him etc. Just say no!

What? Are you projecting? Or OP’s MIL?

OP’s ex-MIL is a cheeky chancer. And? Should that prevent OP from ever getting married? And there’s been no indication of OP’s life being a shit show or her not prioritising her son.

Can we please stop blaming mothers for other people’s actions??

If my ex mil demanded money everytime from me for spending time with her Grandchild I would tell her where to go.

it’s HER choice to see him. What his father pays his mum is completely irrelevant to spending time with his Grandmother.

The child obviously lives with his Mum so she has all the day to day living costs of having a child to content with and the father contributing a mere £30 a week wouldn’t even cover half of what her outgoings would be.

it’s extremely vindictive, grabby behaviour. The IP has every right to refuse to pay her just as she has every right to move on with her life and get married.

Response ‘I see. The cms payment does not cover any costs on ex’s contact time with his son. You see ds on ex’s contact time, please ask him as ds’s dad in the future if you are short of funds.’

This. It's outrageous that she is asking for a third of your weekly CM. I wonder if your ex tells her he gives you thousands rather than the real pittance.

Next time, tell her to speak to her son for the money.

I would literally just say "No"

No, is a complete answer. No need to go into the ins and outs. If she wants to see her grandchild she can talk to her own son.

Wow. He only gives you £30 a week and she’s asking for money? Seriously, tell your ex and ignore her requests.

Don’t feed the troll…

What a ridiculous post.
The OP said she was giving grandma £10 a day out of the princely sum of £30 she gets from her ex per week.
If grandma can’t afford to have OPs son for the day, she should ask her own son to help.

I agree with this

Don't be ridiculous, there's no reason for the child to be involved in the discussions around money, just as I'm sure hes not aware that his dad only wants to spare him 30 quid a week, which I'm sure would be far more hurtful, but then you've not got a woman to blame for that one.

Just tell her she’s welcome to see him, but you don’t need a babysitter so it’s not payable. If she wants paying to spend time with her grandchild then that’s between her and her son

As your ex is only giving you £30 per week, one night would equate to £4.30, not £10. And that should include her providing clothes for him, as well as food, entertainment, doing his laundry, etc. As it does for you.
The pair of them are taking the mickey. I'd say no and you can't afford her rates. She's asking for what would be nearly 3 days' maintenance for one night. As you say, she's not doing it as a favour to you.
She's probably giving the money to your ex.

Yes, this is what you should do.