Ex MIL keeps asking me for money

[ellie09]

Hi all

I have a child with my ex husband and we have been separated for many years. Ex-H has DS a couple of times a week and in that time, he can also visit his grandmother etc.

The last few times DS has been at his granny's was because she had requested to see him and asked if he could stay (I havent initiated etc). Once DS arrives (this is usually after a night at his dads etc), then ex MIL will ring or text me that evening asking for £10 for the following day.

The past couple of times I have just sent it up as it was a novelty that DS was staying the night etc. However, its now every time he stays, even if she asks to see him and ita not me asking for a favour etc (which then I could see why giving a bit of money would be reasonable)

I asked DS what he got up to with his granny. They had took the bus into town and wandered around a couple of hours and came home. A bus ticket for DS is around £2. The rest of the day was at home.

I asked ex MIL this time why she didn't ask her own son for this money when he dropped him off. Apparently, she says its because ex-h pays me CMS so therefore it should be me giving this to her (I get £30 a week, so not exactly the big bucks).

AIBU to put my foot down and say no more money will be given to her unless its for a specific activity? And that the cost has to be run by me first before he can stay as well?

I barely have much money left now as I am paying off a wedding in two months time.

Send him with pocket money to spend at granny’s. It’s lovely he’s got a caring grandma.

plus don’t get married focus on your son.

This is a great answer, though I’d add in “The £30 CMS payment. So she knows

Eurgh.

his dad should be providing the pocket money seeing as it’s HIS mother.

where in any of the posts has OP stated her new partner is a problem etc?

Get a grip 🙄

Why are all these posters saying "don't get married"? What's that got to do with her useless ex and cheeky MIL. It's any excuse to bash a single mum.
Her partner has rightly pointed out the MIL issue, he is supporting the OP in this.

How will not getting married help OP’s son? Do you want her to give up the relationship completely?

I think you’re being unfair.

Are you the grandmother?

Caring grandma?! She's charging a fee to see her grandson 🤣

She should see your son on her son's time.

I cannot understand how men and their families (usually, although I guess there are rare cases the other way round) think it is possible to feed, house, clothe and care for a child on £30 pw, and think they are funding mum to live the life of Riley (often when she is tied to school hours for work, so has limited earning opportunities). It is a travesty that successive governments have allowed thid to continue.

Absolutely not. OP is being a great mum.

Yes!!!! What a cheek she and her skinflint son have.

Maybe you should get your mum to do the same thing with your ex, and see how they like it.

plus don’t get married focus on your son.

In what sense does getting married mean she isn't focusing on her son? Fo you think she will forget him after she says I do?

I won't be letting my DS spend his pocket money on his granny. He uses it to bring money to spend on our days out etc like at gift shops and he wants to save atm to buy himself a new tablet.

He has birthday/Christmas money at his dads as well, but I dont think he has a pocket money system there. I also dont think its fair for his dad to use DS birthday and Christmas money.

I do earn a lot more money than ex-H as he is in a minimum wage job, and I earn about £42k per year, but I am not "loaded" by any means. His CMS is calculated by the CMS directly so it was fair according to his wage.

I agree ask her if she is aware how much you get CM - if she still asks for £10 tell her it’s not happening

So they bith have one of his coats. So now next time he goes t the,, do not send the coat you just bought.

“I will put a stop to providing money and just tell her from now on that if she requests to see him, she will need to contact her son for anything that she may need.”

Will that include the request to see him itself? Because it needs to. Any communication about your son is between you and the father only, the rest is irrelevant. You shouldn’t need to be involved in dropping him off there either. Otherwise you will get sucked into more discussion over something you don’t need to discuss. One of the benefits of your split is she is now your EX MIL!

Watch out she doesn't ‘lose’ sell the old coat once she realises you have bought him a new one!

Just say, sorry. I can’t afford it I only get £30 CMS.

This is utter madness. Are you joking? If so it doesn’t come across as funny. Just loopy. Really really loopy.

You need to tell her no. Her sons pay £30 a week. It's £4.28 a day. That doesnt even cover your sons lunch let alone all the other costs. If she needs money to look after her grandson she can ask her son. She isn't doing you a favour or looking after him in your contact time. You exs time and the costs incurred in that time are his to bare.

Honestly, I've never heard of a grandparent asking for money to feed their grandchildren before.

Its her grandson!! Is she that tight she cannot even pay the bus fare?!?!

It's shite grandma behaviour, isn't it?

My grandma was my step-grandma (and the only one I had, as both the biological ones died before I was born), but she had my brother and me every Sunday for several hours and dinner (she was a great cook), Boxing day, bought us all the usual presents at Xmas, etc AND bought us comics and sweets every week! I'm fairly certain that the vast majority of grannies aren't asking to have their GC and then demanding funding, especially from hard-pressed single parents.

He sees EXDH's mother in his contact time. If it's his contact time, it's up to him to pay whatever she feels she needs. You do not need to have any contact with her at all. Not having to contact the in-laws is one of the best parts of divorce!

‘Normal grandparents don’t ask to be paid to spend time with their own grandchild. Either get ExH to pay your fee or don’t see GS. I won’t be paying you.’

Ha ha what a flipping cheeky cow

this!