AIBU to think I shouldn't have visited the Science Museum in a wheelchair?

[Hadaweenamechange]

Interested to know if I made a bad choice and need to consider more carefully where I visit in future?

I'm a wheelchair user, using a smallish, lightweight carbon-fibre power chair in the scenario described here. I visited the Science Museum in London yesterday with my DH. He had to be in London fairly early in the morning and then again later in the evening, with around 9 hours to spare in between. As it was a bank holiday, we arranged for me to go with him so we could spend the day together, while we had the rare chance of a few hours off at the same time.

Despite having lived in London for many, many years (we no longer do), neither of us had ever been to the Science Museum, so we decided to visit yesterday.

My, what a mistake! First of all, I realise it was a bank holiday, and I know the museum's target audience is likely to be families with children, so maybe going yesterday wasn't the smartest idea, but I wasn't prepared for just how difficult it was to navigate.

In the space of 3 hours:

• I clipped the heels of at least 5 people with the front of my chair (adults and kids), because, despite my best efforts to maintain a generous distance between me and anyone in front of me, I can't stop as quickly as someone on foot, and if you stop abruptly, I can't always stop in time

• As a result of the above, I was glared at, tutted at, stared at and on one occasion, I was pretty sure I was sworn at - it wasn't in English, but I felt the wrath in whatever the language was!

• On 3 separate occasions, I was careered into at considerable speed by over-exuberant, out-of-control children. One ran straight into me with such force that he literally landed face down on my lap. One hit his shin on my footplate, and the third one hurtled round a blind bend and ricocheted off the side of my chair. To give them credit, the accompanying adults of two of them were apologetic, but the parent/guardian of the one who hit his leg actually wanted me to go with them to find a member of staff so they could officially report it as an incident and have it recorded in the accident book, 'just in case'. Just in case of what, I'm not sure, as there was no visible mark or bleeding. The same adult also suggested that it wasn't the most ideal place to be in a wheelchair with so many children around.

• If you've visited, you'll know the museum is laid out over 4 floors. There are many sets of stairs scattered around and plenty of lifts, all of which have signs indicating that priority should be given to the elderly, pushchairs, and the less able. I was really surprised by the queues for the lifts whenever we needed to use them, and I'd guess that around 90% of those waiting were families with older children or tweens, with no obvious impediments. Not once did anyone offer to let waiting pushchair owners go in front of them, and the force with which some of the children were pushed towards the lift doors by their adults, as the doors opened, was not pretty to watch. I actually don't give a rat's bum how long I wait for a lift, after all, I'm sitting down. But to encourage your older children to push in front of parents with toddlers and pushchairs is really shitty imo.

It made for a not-very-pleasant few hours, and I felt a bit sad and crap afterwards. What do you think, wise MN'ers? Do I need to pick my venue with more care next time, or should these places be available for all to enjoy without barriers? Granted, it's been a fair few years since I owned children who required parental supervision, but I honestly don't recall ever letting our DC run rampant the way some of them were yesterday.

YABU for thinking you shouldn't have visited! Some people are so selfish and entitled these days, don't let it put you off.
Well if it had that expierence why would I want to repeat it? Of course it would put me off if I was in that situation.

Thanks for posting this x

sorry you had a bad time op. I’m pretty new to being a wheelchair user and my gosh it’s an eye opener!. I went out to a shopping centre on Monday. Very busy. Even trying to get into the centre was a pain as everyone was ploughing through the automatic door even though there were doors that you could push open either side. I was sat there for five minutes before a gap came up and I could dart through.

and Then I nearly hit someone. Man coming towards me on his phone. I had to pipe up to him to watch out (I was stationary) and I got a mouthful off him. Apparently people like me have all week to go shopping. Erm no actually I’m at work all week you plonker!.

im finding myself having to really get a thick skin to enable me to leave the bloody house.

You should have gone and I am sorry you had this experience. Although it would have been busy the root cause sadly is that standards of behaviour are very poor. I am not sure that it is possible to change it - but keep on going where you want to go!

Oh god. I think I would fit my chair with rotating spikes on the wheels, like the chariot race in the old movie Ben-Hur.

You are talking about equality but that's not what you want. You want preference or prioritisation. I'm not saying you are wrong. Just be transparent in what you say.

You have every right to go wherever other people can go. Yes perhaps not the best choice of day but I bet many walking people bumped into such kids too. Not your fault

Thanks to everyone for your replies, they're really appreciated. I've scanned through them, but I'll look forward to reading them all properly after work later this afternoon.

Get in a wheelchair and try what you're suggesting.

Unlike driving a car, where maintaining a gap is possible as you're all going the same direction in an organised fashion and junctions are clearly marked, leaving a gap ahead of you in a wheelchair means someone WILL step into that gap - often without looking, sometimes backwards.

People, unlike cars, stop in an instant and with no warning!

Everyone moving is only looking in the direction they are going and they're looking generally at or around their eye level, they are NOT looking behind them, to the sides and very particularly they are not looking DOWN in those directions.

Trying to leave a big enough gap means basically ending up stationary as every time you set off to move someone steps into that gap, from somewhere.

I set my controller down to the slowest it will go - not because I can't control it at a higher speed but because anyone nudging my arm or twatting the controller with their arse will send me off faster or cause me to swerve. But that then means I cannot speed up to get out of someones way, or that I am moving far slower than someone expected.

Most powerchairs also have the reverse speed set slower than the forward speed so if someone takes a step back as I am moving toward them, my chances of stopping and reversing in time are basically nil.

People need to look around and DOWN in crowds, before they stop or step backward, particularly in environments where you would reasonably expect there to be small children, buggies, people in wheelchairs (children and adults).

Or if they don't fancy taking a smidgen of responsibility for their own safety, can they fit themselves with indicators and brake lights please?

💯

I agree, it's not incumbent upon you to visit at a quieter time - the museum is open to all - not just families! However, for your own personal enjoyment I think I'd probably avoid somewhere like the Science Museum on a BH Monday - and I would say that to anyone who isn't visiting with DC and doesn't need to go there on that particular day.

I don't know if it's got worse recently, but I do think that a shockingly large number of people these days are totally inconsiderate of others to the point of utter self-absorption and that a lot of DC are not taught any manners. The pushing and shoving and lack of consideration and/or reading of notices and actually obeying them is ridiculous. If you are able bodied, take the bloody stairs! IIRC there are also escalators in the Science Museum, which again, able-bodied people are perfectly capable of using. A lift really should only be used if needed.

Yanbu but I took an autistic four year old last year and it was a horrible unkind experience from start to finish, so maybe cut some of those families some slack.

I think you had every right to go, and people should obviously be more respectful, but as someone who isn’t a wheelchair user, if I was planning a day out without children, I would probably avoid somewhere that I knew was going to be jam packed with young children. For all the reasons you describe - rude and pushy parents, badly raised children who have no manners, and innocently over-excited children who haven’t fully developed self-awareness and social skills. I have zero tolerance for all of that kind of behaviour now I’m out of that stage of life, and I can’t bear inconsiderate parents who encourage or let their children push in, let them behave badly etc. I have sympathy and understanding for over excited children who have apologetic parents if they bump into you or whatever, but I don’t want to spend my bank holiday with them either.

As a matter of principle, YANBU. However, we need to be practical sometimes. Science museum and Natural History museum are complete and utter hell on a bank holiday. All the kids probably rile each other up and become little out of control terrorists. The parents probably get overwhelmed themselves and can't handle it. It's not an excuse, but an explanation.

Personally, I avoid these kinds of places on a bank holiday and I have a child myself. I just couldn't face it.

I didn't vote as I was a bit confused, but:

You had as much right to be there as everyone else. People should be aware of other people, including people in wheelchairs, when they're out in public. Oh and children should also be kept under control. If they don't then it's not your fault if you clip their ankles i don't think.

Sorry you had a bad time op. Going places in a wheelchair always makes it into a much bigger deal that it needs to be. It's not fair you couldn't enjoy yourself either, like disabled people don't have enough to worry about already!!

Don't stop going out and enjoying your life!

I don’t have any experience of an electric wheelchair so I intentionally didn’t comment on whether it was avoidable or not. I do know from having a family member who was a wheelchair user that they are relatively heavy and would cause pain to anyone hit by one especially on an small point of impact, even though he was tiny towards the end.

My comment was specifically on the lack of empathy, that people being injured were treated merely as an annoying part of ops day. I get that empathy fatigue can be a thing, but often people’s reactions are shaped by the behaviour of the other person.

If I bump into someone who walks into my path(and sometimes I do as people myself included aren’t always 100% attentive to their surroundings) I’ll say sorry just to be a courteous human. If I hit someone with something that could have hurt them or for example I bumped into them and they fell over that apology is bumped up, I’ll stop and ask if they’re ok etc because that is a normal empathetic reaction to hurting someone. If I flip the scenario I am pretty sure that the persons response would dictate whether I said honestly don’t worry it was my fault or gave a tut, because not only have they hurt me but they have also failed to acknowledge it which is important to me. Also a possibility that I’m not sure whether they did it on purpose to teach me a lesson, which is not ok (although maybe people on this thread think it is!)

I've read each and every reply and am really grateful for everyone taking the time to post. One thing that really struck me throughout is the number of situations/considerations that a wheelchair user (especially one for many years like myself) takes for granted and (wrongly) assumes an ambulatory person has awareness of too.

A key example is my chair catching the person in front of me, and some people's perception that I was merely driving unsafely. Of course I don't purposely drive so close to anyone - either in front, or to either side of me - that would make it likely I would bump into them should they stop. To do so would mean I'd literally crash into everyone ahead of me. In all instances referred to in my original post, the people in front of me who got clipped either overtook me (years of experience tells me that some people regard a wheelchair as a delay tactic and must never be stuck behind one) or cut in from another direction/path. In all instances, they ended up occupying what was previously my 'safe space' where I knew I was a good enough distance behind anyone to avoid contact. A PP compared it to a driver leaving a gap between them and the car in front, which someone jumps in to. It's exactly the same analogy.

Did I apologise to these people? No. From the immediate death stares I got, it would have been pretty pointless, and in any event, to have said "sorry" in these circumstances would mean I am apologising only for being in a wheelchair, and that's not going to happen.

An assumption that wheelchair users often make - incorrectly - is that just because we can see you, you can see us. Quite often, people literally look over us and sometimes you just don't see us. A few years ago, at a busy car show, someone very nearly rested their burger on my head whilst they took a swig of their drink. The poor guy was horrified and admitted that he saw 'something' out of the corner of his eye and just assumed it was a continuation of the burger van's shelf! Yes, it really did happen, and it still makes me laugh when I think about it.

I firmly believe that everyone should spend a day in a wheelchair and be asked to navigate a crowded building, a busy street and a crowd-packed event. Only then would some people change their outlook. Sadly, too many people see us as a nuisance, a hindrance and just plain bloody irritating. What they don't or can't know is how much a wheelchair user misses of everyday life by having to concentrate solely on getting around and negotiating people and objects. Our focus is always on the path ahead and in a busy environment, we just don't have the luxury of being able to look around and take in our surroundings. I missed so much of the exhibits at the museum just because it was too difficult to navigate safely around people. Riding along a busy shopping street or centre is not enjoyable because again, I can't window-shop and admire the displays.

And you know how bloody annoying it is on a busy street when the person in front of you can't stay at a constant pace because they have to urgently reply to someone's incoming text message, or they need to take a selfie outside the shop they're about to pass? Try dealing with that in a wheelchair!

The suggestions of having a klaxon fitted to my chair really appeals (as opposed to the ridiculously inaudible little beep that the horn button currently emits). I quite like the idea of having an air horn a la Del Boy's Capri Ghia, aka 'The Pratmobile'. The tone he uses to part the crowd outside his flats in the Fatal Extraction episode. Does anyone know a man who can?!

Long and short? That's me and the museums done. Or at least until someone can fit me up with an air horn, anyway.

I use a sports whistle for crowded spaces 😉

OP have you heard ofMuseum Lates? They are evening adult only sessions. Although it appears that adults are just as oblivious as children, it is quieter and a lot more pleasant.

(The one we went to even served wine for yku drink as you viewed!)