AIBU to think I shouldn't have visited the Science Museum in a wheelchair?

[Hadaweenamechange]

Interested to know if I made a bad choice and need to consider more carefully where I visit in future?

I'm a wheelchair user, using a smallish, lightweight carbon-fibre power chair in the scenario described here. I visited the Science Museum in London yesterday with my DH. He had to be in London fairly early in the morning and then again later in the evening, with around 9 hours to spare in between. As it was a bank holiday, we arranged for me to go with him so we could spend the day together, while we had the rare chance of a few hours off at the same time.

Despite having lived in London for many, many years (we no longer do), neither of us had ever been to the Science Museum, so we decided to visit yesterday.

My, what a mistake! First of all, I realise it was a bank holiday, and I know the museum's target audience is likely to be families with children, so maybe going yesterday wasn't the smartest idea, but I wasn't prepared for just how difficult it was to navigate.

In the space of 3 hours:

• I clipped the heels of at least 5 people with the front of my chair (adults and kids), because, despite my best efforts to maintain a generous distance between me and anyone in front of me, I can't stop as quickly as someone on foot, and if you stop abruptly, I can't always stop in time

• As a result of the above, I was glared at, tutted at, stared at and on one occasion, I was pretty sure I was sworn at - it wasn't in English, but I felt the wrath in whatever the language was!

• On 3 separate occasions, I was careered into at considerable speed by over-exuberant, out-of-control children. One ran straight into me with such force that he literally landed face down on my lap. One hit his shin on my footplate, and the third one hurtled round a blind bend and ricocheted off the side of my chair. To give them credit, the accompanying adults of two of them were apologetic, but the parent/guardian of the one who hit his leg actually wanted me to go with them to find a member of staff so they could officially report it as an incident and have it recorded in the accident book, 'just in case'. Just in case of what, I'm not sure, as there was no visible mark or bleeding. The same adult also suggested that it wasn't the most ideal place to be in a wheelchair with so many children around.

• If you've visited, you'll know the museum is laid out over 4 floors. There are many sets of stairs scattered around and plenty of lifts, all of which have signs indicating that priority should be given to the elderly, pushchairs, and the less able. I was really surprised by the queues for the lifts whenever we needed to use them, and I'd guess that around 90% of those waiting were families with older children or tweens, with no obvious impediments. Not once did anyone offer to let waiting pushchair owners go in front of them, and the force with which some of the children were pushed towards the lift doors by their adults, as the doors opened, was not pretty to watch. I actually don't give a rat's bum how long I wait for a lift, after all, I'm sitting down. But to encourage your older children to push in front of parents with toddlers and pushchairs is really shitty imo.

It made for a not-very-pleasant few hours, and I felt a bit sad and crap afterwards. What do you think, wise MN'ers? Do I need to pick my venue with more care next time, or should these places be available for all to enjoy without barriers? Granted, it's been a fair few years since I owned children who required parental supervision, but I honestly don't recall ever letting our DC run rampant the way some of them were yesterday.

You were just as entitled to be there as everyone else, but it's horrible for most people when it's crazy busy and crowded and people walk into each other, it's not your fault they walked into you. I'd go on a less busy day not because you're in a wheelchair but just because it would be more enjoyable.

Yes… do you think people should be injured for stopping to look at something in a MUSEUM? And then regarded as an annoyance?

Not the point of the thread, but this is the second time tonight I’ve seen someone on here say they “own”/“owned” children. Bit weird imo.

My partner and I use an electric wheelchair and 3 wheel walker
it can be a struggle to get into a lift even when there is plenty of room standees won’t move back and just stare at you blankly making no effort to hold the door open do they think we are contagious it is a reflection of lack of manners/entitlement which has become prevalent post pandemic some folk would benefit from a course of “etiquette

There are loads of people who wait for the lift who could easily use the stairs. It’s really very common for people to just get the lift to avoid walking up or down stairs, just because they want to rather than because they need to. I’m one of them sometimes so I would always move to let any less able bodied people in ahead of me, or pushchairs, or anyone who looks like they can’t use the stairs. And if it’s rammed I wouldn’t use the lift.

Can someone do this please? I had similar issues to OP when visiting the Harry Potter studio place and I will never forget having to have my face THAT close to so many people's backsides 🤢

Don’t stop for people, if you have momentum it’s too difficult to do, it’s not your fault they have no sense of surroundings.
Politely tell anyone who tuts at you to “get fucked”.
Don’t wait to be let in front of a lift queue. Simply roll to the front of the lift queue.
The careering kids can’t really be helped I suppose.

The OP did say she was behind these people, and most people I’ve come across don’t have a rear view mirror to check before they stop. People frequently stopping in a museum is to be expected and it does sound painful. If the OP knows it takes her a little distance to stop she needs to leave more space.

No people shouldn’t be injured, but also they should make sure they give a slowly moving electric wheelchair a decent clearance. Like the OP said, her chair can’t stop as instantly as a person can, and even if she’s trying to maintain space around her, people can just wander right in front of her and stop and she can’t do anything about it. Nobody deserves to get injured in traffic either, but if you walk in front of a car you might, if it can’t stop in time. Same here but much lower speed / impact. Wheelchairs can share space with people on foot, but they’ve both got to be careful to leave space and I’ve seen over and over again, people just moving into gaps right in front of wheelchairs.

The Science Museum and NHM are hell on earth in half term and on BH weekends, so YWBU to go on those grounds alone. Half the country travels into London solely to go to South Ken. See also the Tate Modern - fine normally, heaving last weekend.

I’m sorry you had such a bad time though. Try a termtime weekday, or a random weekend in November/January. I used to take DS on weekdays before he started school, and it is much more enjoyable (practically deserted)

Have you given feedback to the SM?

I'm an assistance dog handler (and sometimes a walker or sticks), so not quite the same but I can relate to issues in crowds, especially indoors and in places like museums or small shops where people do a lot of stopping, staring at things, then restarting.

Here's my view:
People should do better. They should be more aware, they should be more proactive with children, they should be less selfish. You and I shouldn't have to pass on a museum trip or wherever else because of crowds, arseholes, poor accessibility options, etc.

But none of us can magically change the world or control how others act. Years back a counselor told me "you didn't cause all your problems, but you've got to solve them anyways" and it stuck with me - I can acknowledge where others came up short or wronged me and where I've gotten an unfair helping of bad luck/shite to deal with, but at the end of the day I have to accept what I've got to work with and make the best life for myself and my family.

So the answer to your question is yes and yes. Yes, people should do better. And yes, you should look at how you could have done better by yourself so that you enjoyed your day trip more. That might mean putting more mental energy into planning than you wish you had to, passing on an idea knowing its the wrong day or just likely to be more negative than positive for you in reality, having the flexibility to go elsewhere if you arrive somewhere and its a madhouse (usually places will refund in this situation), looking at how you and your DH could be more outspoken/proactive when navigating crowds, etc.

!People used to privilege have problems with equality" is one of the most important things to remember. You shouldn't be made to feel a second-class citizen due to a disability-you should be welcomed everywhere just as everyone else is. People can choose to have children, but they are not more important than you. I've seen too many posts like yours, whether it's parents moaning about dogs being allowed on a beach, not caring that it means children/parents with disabilities can't go without them, or whether wheelchairs are "annoying" for them.

I realised how a lot of people really dont think about disabled when I started having to use a mobility scooter so you have my complete sympathy.

I go to a very busy show ground (I have little choice as its only open 4 days), and the amount of people that walk into me are too high. I can see people spotting the opening of a crowd, heading for it and then being shocked that its actually someone in a scooter. It seems to be a case of "how dare I be there" rather than sorry.

And when DH had to push me in a manual wheelchair to a popular gig, he really didnt care the number of ankles of people not wanting to keep out of the way (all adults) despite me frequently yelling "excuse me".

It is like, we get in a wheelchair/mobility scooter and don invisilibility cloaks. And kids are just modeling adult behaviours, so if the parent doesnt acknowledge us, the child certainly wont.

Why on earth shouldnt we be able to use a popular venue on any day we choose, we have as much right as anyne else but are expected to tailor our visits to quieter days. Its back to discrimination again.

Oh and the woman at the showground, who stepped in front of me, who shouted at me for being unable to avoid her handbag, which was the only part of her I was unable to avoid having managed to turn enough not to drive into her.

My son is a wheelchair user too and this has also happened to him several times.

Like you said, completely oblivious.

The general.standard of manners has fallen to the point I only go to places that are popular with the public if they have pre-allocated time slots, or I go when the doors open on a Wednesday morning, or are too expensive for hoards of children at once.

Anywhere free, on a bank holiday will be a disaster.

Sorry you had a crappy experience. I went with my son during school term time (he’s at a private school so longer school holidays). It was actually quiet and rather empty. Saying that, there were many toddlers and foreign tourists with kids that were causing havoc. They were climbing and touching things that were clearly marked with do not touch.
Your wheelchair doesn’t define you as a tourist or a human in any part of London or the world. You have as much right as the next person to choose where and when you go.
It’s parents that don’t control their kids and teach them manners that is the problem. I have a loose cannon 4 year old, but never will I let her roam around alone or run into people. She stays holding my hand and we explore together.

Wheelchair or not, there's no way I'd go on a bank holiday. Especially one when expected good weather fails to deliver!

ALL of the issues you had were because it was a busy bank holiday,

you don't need to pick your venue more carefully, but you need to be more careful when you visit. It has nothing to do with being in a wheelchair, just the rough & tumble if crowds.

You also need to allow even more space between your wheelchair & other people. In a museum (or anywhere) people are going to stop to look at things & the onus is on you to allow enough stopping distance the same as when you are driving a car or pushing a buggy.

I find the Science Museum pretty awful on Bank Holidays and I'm a relatively nimble footed adult. I'm not surprised you had a hard time there, OP, though I'm very sorry you did. The museum needs to expand to meet increased demand and limit density inside the building much more than it does. Some parents also need to up their game, but there are always going to be situations you can't predict and they are made so much more common by the over crowding the museum allows.

Fuck it. Turn the speed up and mow 'em down. And enjoy it. Maybe fit a loud klaxon too.

Perhaps the museums could do more by only having pre-booked, timed entry only at peak times and so not letting so many people in at once.

And security will just let this happen without calling the police? How does this advice actually help?

Yes you should be able to go anywhere you want but all you can do it is speak to them and ask for more staff to monitor the crowds but with busy places things happen and in an ideal world it would all work in the appropriate way bit real life is not like that

Yes but what should happen is...doesn't mean it will

I’m in a wheelchaur

a man once literally fell into my lap at Liverpool Street station because he “hadn’t seen me” and was cutting across the station.

there was an assistance bloke leading three people in wheelchairs and I was directly behind the assistance bloke.

he literally ran into the side of my wheelchair and fell into me.

it fucking hurt actually and I cried.

he didn’t say sorry either.

in busy places people move in all directions and a surprising number of people seem to operate on a “nobody visible at head height equals nobody there” policy.

he’s not the first person who has literally run into me and fallen on me.

oh and re the tube: it’s a fucking nightmare for accessibility. Buses are better. I generally hang the expense and use a cab.

I went there a few weeks ago and as a fully able bodied person, found it unbearable and difficult to move around so I can easily Imagine the scenarios you mentioned, particularly with the lifts (we had a pushchair). We didn’t stay long at all.

However being told you shouldn’t come because you are in a wheelchair is a disgrace. I find it incredible people continue to have that attitude and actually say it out loud, as though it’s acceptable.