In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Our place does the same very blatantly. They don't call it relocating the role, although that's what they are doing. They say 'this role no longer exists in the UK'. Then they recruit someone to do the same work from India or the Philippines.

YANBU.

DH was let go via settlement agreement (we're also telling people it's redundancy as like this thread shows people just don't understand a settlement agreement) 4 weeks ago. He's applied for 20+ jobs, had 5 first stages interviews, 4 seconds stage, got 2 more 1st stage this week. He's had a job offer he has turned down (for legitimate reasons that we both agreed on).

We are in a financial position where we can cope until Christmas without issue and then beyond that with some sacrifices and belt tightening but even so, DH hasn't sat on his laurels. Finding a job is his number 1 priority and he's taking it very seriously.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/new-style-jobseekers-allowance might he be eligible for this? Savings don't count - not sure how the settlement would be considered - check with Citizens Advice

Time for emergency measures. At the least you should go back to work full time and take the kids out of childcare. It’s a huge expense while you have a parent at home. He will have to apply for jobs at the weekend or during the evenings.

It sounds like you are carrying all the extra burden while he’s just watching you sink under the strain.

Wow way to stress someone out, the op should not be keeping on at him or asking every day what he has applied for. He is a grown man capable of earning a 80k salary, give him some credit. The op needs to be supportive but let him take the lead here in his own job search.

I’m just venting, and being honest with how I feel, I’m good to my husband and have planned things every weekend to look after him and his mental health

I was going to say 4 wks is nothing, but I got made redundant so was full time mum plus applying/interviewing non stop. I got a new job in 4 months. There’s no reason he can’t be helping with childcare and housework.

What is he looking for - if he is holding out for the same role on the same money he could be looking for ever. He needs to be open to going in at a lower level and working his way back up.
But with a new baby and you on maternity leave, he needs to get to a temp agency and get some money coming in while he is looking

Agree. You need to go back to work full-time asap and take both kids out of nursery so DH can look after them full time. He can then apply at weekends and evenings and have his chats then too. If he has interviews hire a babysitter for the couple of hours the interview takes.

Full time child care will focus his mind on making getting another job and actual priority.

One of the questions on Mortgage applications is whether you anticipate a drop in income - people have been prosecuted for mortgage fraud in similar situations so you need to be very aware of this

He needs to get a job, any hours to work round your hours and you need to be going back full time and work the childcare between you.

Both my husband and I have got our jobs through recruiters in the past

I think you're getting an extremely hard time. Yes, being made redundant is awful. But he sounds like he is dragging his feet and using it as an excuse to do very little of the job hunting or the household labour. Serious chat time, and you need to stop picking up slack for him. Of course he can help. I'm so sorry you are in this predicament, I do think you going back full time is the best option for now.

It is fine to be worried and vent. But your expectations are unrealistic. Taking 2 weeks too get over job loss, making CV and sending first application is not unreasonable. It is not his fault that the recruiter discussions don't lead to anything, I get contaced by recruiters and the jobs are always a terrible fit. He can't be applying for jobs for 8h a day, that is unrealistic so he's using that as an excuse.

My bf used to do short term contracts and by the time his previous one was ending he already had 5 offers to pick from. But after the last one, nothing. Hiring freezees everywhere. Took him 11 months to find something (for half the pay).

You need to adjust your expectations, have him participate to family life more actively. And you need to talk how long you can afford him and you be out of work. At what point he needs to find literally any job and at what time you need to cut your maternity leave short for a fulltime job.

Because NMW employers won’t hire the person who’s previous role was £80k and a specialism. Because they know they’ll leave as soon as they get a better role again. They want people who will stay not ‘for now’ employees with no customer service experience

To be fair the settlement agreement part was drip fed - firstly it was redundancy, then it was sacking, then finally the settlement was mentioned. We can only go off the information we are given.

I think you need to be realistic. It's only been 2 weeks, and it can take ages to get an interview. The job market is at a low point thanks to Rachel Reeves who's made it much more expensive for employers to take people on due to NI increases and minimum wage increases. Give the man some slack and stop blaming him. It's not his fault. On the other hand, he needs to stop treating this as a holiday. Swimming? He should be pulling his weight with kids and housework!

Those of you who are calling the OP unfair and unrealistic given the job market etc... Have you read her posts? He's baking bread and swimming! And saying he's too busy to help with childcare etc! She's worried and stressed because he's clearly taking the absolute piss.

When people are job-seeking, I have NO idea why they don't take any old job asap while they look, even if NMW, to help keep the wolves from the door. I know two people who lost their well-paid jobs and were out of work for many, many months (one still is) but won't do something they deem beneath them.

Completely agree. A thread similar to what OP has posted appears on here on pretty much a monthly basis and the OP’s report that their newly out of work husbands are floating along not doing much whilst dipping into savings. But with a family to support and a mortgage to service, the sensible thing is to cut expenses down as much as you can as soon as the redundancy is confirmed (or before) and start bringing income in, not using savings and the severance money to live on.

Sorry you are going through this, OP. Your partner may well be procastinating, but I do think you need to manage your expectations and your anxiety. Your anxiety seems (understandably) to be off the charts, and this will be getting through to him and the children. My partner lost his job (tech industry), and it took him a year of applying and getting nowhere to decide to retrain and do something different. You will both have to be a bit more flexible.

The advice to take your kids out of nursery seems practical but how easy will it be to get them back in if/when he finds work? Is he even capable of taking care of both of them without creating yet more domestic work for you? I feel for you, it sounds like a shitshow with you carrying everything daily, no wonder you're worried with no breathing space.

It can take time to get interviews and jobs but it's going to take even longer if he doesn't buck the fuck up.

There is temp work. Not as much as there used to be but it’s there.

Did he get legal advice? That’s madness

Yes, I would have thought at that level he would have been on 3 months notice for starters

My partner is 2 years out of work and still looking. Applies for ten jobs a day and still can't get anything. Has been told she has a job twice now only for them to be pulled last second.

It's tough out there

I mean when my partner got made redundant afew years back (he was a manager at a college and they had a massive clear out) he took an evening job delivering takeaways he saw a sign in the window and went in and got started and got a part time job (24 hours) working in a vets on a reception again it was a sign in a local window.
It was not ideal and a lot less money but he got this organised within a week or so as we have kids and bills to pay and ultimately he cared about us not being in debt and not being able to manage.
He did this for 14 months with some delivery driving thrown in for good measure and he also did some decorating for friends inbetween for extra money.

It was not his field at all but he has a positive outlook and decided that any job was better than no job and keeps the money coming in and he applied for about 30 jobs had about 8 interviews then finally got a job.

when he got his current job the new employers were impressed he’d got employment straight away, no big gaps and he’d used transferable skills. He got good references and it set him up well and I think it shows he’s committed to working and he doesn’t think things are beneath him.

ultimately now more than ever tho, the jobs market is tough and there are so many candidates for each role. We recently advertised for a receptionist at our hospital and there was 67 applicants for a 20
hour job which is crazy;
But also realistically you can only spend so long applying for jobs and “speaking to people”
A couple of hours max per role once CV and personal statement is set up and if money is going to be tight he needs to consider “something” to tide him over in the interim.