In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Had a job in Asia but would not relocate...?

My dad and a friend at boarding school all relocated. Asia etc.

He sounds useless anyway.

Sorry you are going through this OP.

Life as a solo mum is easier than an adult around bringing you down,

Can you increase your hours at work? Maybe do compressed hours and DH does the nursery runs on the days you work so you can do two long days? At least as a starting point

You can't control him (sadly) but you can look at what you can do to help the situation

Anything you can sell?

Do you have expensive cars etc? If so look at downgrading them

I think you're just going to have to keep on him about it, OP. Tell him that you are terrified and ask him every day what jobs he's applied for.

When people are job-seeking, I have NO idea why they don't take any old job asap while they look, even if NMW, to help keep the wolves from the door. I know two people who lost their well-paid jobs and were out of work for many, many months (one still is) but won't do something they deem beneath them. But if they worked 35 hours a week at Tesco or Sainsbury's, they'd earn 1,850pm approx. before tax, and there are opportunities for overtime. And discounts on food etc., so it helps the household even more. I know it wouldn't replace 80k, but it would help the savings go down slower. The relative who is out of work has been so now for about 18 months and I'm told they've got rather used to not working, which is a massive annoyance for the household because their salary was three-quarters of the household income. They will be OK with the other spouse's salary, but only just, and it means their retirement plans will be really affected.

So, you are not alone, OP, with a spouse who is reluctant to get another job. I wouldn't normally advocate nagging anybody, but I think this is one scenario where you just have to keep on at them.

It took me 6 months to find a new job when I was ready for a move and I am employed in a decent position in a top tier household name org. You need to expect this to take at least 6 months and more likely a year. To tide you over you can take a mortgage pause from your lender, maybe reduce childcare and he will need to take whatever work he can find around the outsides of applications to get some money coming in. Sounds like he is sticking his head in the sand. Sorry op this would stress me out too, hugs xx

My husband was made redundant about the same time ago. Since then, we have found out about a number of friends of a similar age who have also been made redundant.

I understand that it just a really bad environment out there - lots of middle management people being made redundant, lots of companies relocating work to other countries and some suggestion that AI is reducing the need for so many bodies (which I don't really understand the reasons for). This means that there are too many people chasing too few jobs.

DH has been almost worryingly pro-active about applying for jobs - He started within days of being given his notice of risk of redundancy and I worry a bit that he has driven his attention into this at the detriment of not spending time processing what has happened to him and considering what he would like to do next.

He has applied for over 100 roles in his field (including also recently expanding this to contracting). He has made contact with recruiters.

If your DH has had lots of chats, he's doing better than mine. He has had a few chats out of all these applications and nothing progressing to interview.

From our experience, I can see my DH trying and trying to the point of almost destroying himself, and he hasn't got anything, so I don't think that the lack of a job materialising is necessarily a failure of yours.

It has been pretty soul-destroying for him. He is the wrong side of 50 and has been with the same organisation for over 20 years. When he previously applied for jobs, the climate was so very different - recruiters presenting him with opportunities until they were coming out of his ears. Things really don't seem to be working the same way nowadays. Possibly he hasn't found the right people, but all the recruiters seem to be targetting people below his level. Everyone says to leverage your network, but it's difficult when your network is largely in the place you were made redundant from.

It's very hard as there's just so much silence. In my field, jobs are advertised with a firm closing date, so you know that if you haven't heard anything a couple of weeks after that, you've not been shortlisted. The adverts in DH's field just seem to be open-ended, so he doesn't know if he's being considered or whether they just haven't got in touch to say it's a no.

This all sounds terribly pessimistic, but I do have something good to share. He has been contacted about the very first job he applied for 2 months ago today. So it does seem that some firms are taking this long to make decisions i.e. a very long silence may not necessarily mean no.

Good luck to your DH

The job market is awful these days. Recruiters will always show interest at first and this tends to drop off or go stale after a while. My DP was made redundant early 2025 and he has only just been in a new role for just over a month. I work in HR and deal with a lot of recruitment so completely agree with PPs who say every application needs to be tailored to the role and company specifically with snappy opening lines to keep hiring managers interested. I recently had nearly 300 applications for an entry level admin role, and over 150 for a COO.
it’s also really disheartening for the person applying getting zero responses or rejections!

But not cheaper…

Useless because he's been made fucking redundant?!

How much savings do you have to fall back on ?

Just thinking about what I wrote earlier, I can't help wondering whether being the SAHP when he clearly doesnt want to will see an increase in effort in finding a new job. Right now, lets face it, he doesnt have much of a pressing need. You with your job and savings etc he can coast financially for a bit and the kids are in nursery and you are covering the house.

Having to actually pull his weight with the kids and the house may mean that suddenly he finds the time and inclination to work a damned sight harder to get employment.

Jfc
he wouldn’t relocate to Asia and that somehow makes him the arse!

The one to check is contribution based JSA (New Style Jobseeker's Allowance (JSA)) as it doesn't depend on savings.

I don’t think you like your husband as much as you claim to

I dont think you need to panic this much. Firstly, the math ain't mathing. You said you salary 'just covers the mortgage' and that his redundancy would only last a couple of months. Then you say the new mortgage is 2k and you take home 4k. That leaves you 2k for bills and a chunk towards your living expenses. You'll need to dip into your husband's 11k, but this should be lasting far longer than 2 months if youre cutting spends where you can. I.e. nursery costs.

Who needs enemies with friends like you eh? Poor bloke

I’ve been working FT since 2002 and have been made redundant twice throughout my career, in both cases due to centralisation / geographic relocation of my role.

First redundancy was January 2019 and I was headhunted and started my new role by mid April that year. The second time was in April 2023. I applied for a few roles but have quite a niche/specialist job and am fairly senior so the right roles aren’t widely available/generally easy to come by.

Of those 6 applications, I progressed to final interview stage in 4 and was offered jobs from 2: a permanent job at one place that I rejected having seen enough during interviews to know the company wasn’t a good fit, and a 12-month FTC role that I accepted, with the intention of avoiding both boredom and any meaningful gap on my CV.

I started that role mid July 2023 and 3 months later was offered the position on a permanent basis, fully contractually home based, with additional benefits and retaining the same salary as the temp role (objectively an uplift of £10-15k vs the median market rate for a similar role). I’m still there nearly 3 years later - it’s not perfect, but it pays the bills and whilst I’ve been approached about a number of different possible roles elsewhere during that time, none of them have ever quite been enough of a fit to push me in to moving. I’ve also seen a noticeable drop off in the number and quality of suitable roles being advertised, actively recruited for, and ultimately filled, since I was last looking - the job market is certainly becoming much more difficult for applicants.

My advice would be to encourage your DH to actively consider contractor/ FTC roles as well as the obvious permanent ones. I also don’t buy his excuse about being too busy job searching to help with household tasks! I wasn’t spending 8 hours a day job hunting when I was unemployed as the nature of my role meant I’m unlikely to find a job on Indeed.com vs a headhunter or professional contact/recommendation on LinkedIn or directly to the company. Even if your husband isn’t in a specialist role, he absolutely can, and should, be picking up additional responsibilities around the house so as to support you in maximising your earning potential during this period.

Fully agree with this. It may not be what was planned but it’s absolutely fine to go back at nine months and is far more leave than many women around the world get (many of my international colleagues eg France came back at six months.)

2 WEEKS??? For a CV? While you work full-time and childcare and housework?

He’s taking the absolute piss.

Useless because it took him 2 weeks to write a CV and meanwhile OP is covering all the childcare and housework while working!!

So because of his behavior and failures, you are being treated like a slave, committing mortgage fraud, and just.. letting him fanny about with useless recruiters? Enough.

All good ideas.

The OP is not currently working. She's on maternity leave and the children are in nursery. She says she's going back 2 days a week from next week.

The same thing happened to me recently - I felt I had been discriminated against due to pregnancy and spoke up when I should have kept quiet. I was very conveniently made redundant 6 weeks before I was due to return from maternity leave.

Your husband is probably feeling annoyed at himself for not getting on with his manager. Perhaps also daunted by the job search and fearful of the job market. It can take a few weeks to process all those feelings. Give him some time and be patient with him. I'm sure he is feeling very bruised and more pressure won't help matters.

Thankfully I secured a role a few weeks ago and am going through security checks at the moment. I did all of my job applications via mobile so I can well believe that this is true.

Have some faith and keep supporting him! He'll do it!!!

That’s fine if he was helping out but he’s not even helping her do the breakfast for the toddler while OP has been up breast feeding in the night! He’s fucking off for a swim!
Honestly OP I don’t think some people have read all your responses!
Yes he needs to put the hours in looking for a job but he can do his share at home too! There is nothing stopping him putting a wash on or running round with the hoover or helping with the breakfast I mean people WFH doing a full time job seem to manage it!
if you go back to work an extra day he’s going to have to pull his weight!

Nobody will employ somebody like him on national minimum wage, retail etc , except maybe for seasonal work . Why would they? He’s not going to stay!
applying to these is a complete waste of time.
Some people on here are completely delusional…. A divorced mum with 2 children is most certainly worse off. An unemployed husband pays no support, and the house has a high mortgage.