In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Ok so he shouldnt be spending all his time swimming and baking bread but redundancy impacts you mentally. The baking and swimming probably helps him to stay mentally well and this is important otherwise his chance of getting a job will be a lot lower - less motivated and less able to perform in an interview. So I disagree with everyone saying he shouldn’t be doing this.

(that doesn’t mean he should get out of any childcare though)

She's carrying all the housework and childcare while he swims and bakes bread and picks stuff up from Facebook marketplace

Same old. Why do we make excuses for men like this?

I think you need to change your expectations, the job market is awful right now. and job applications are very time consuming, you can't look after a baby full time whilst applying for jobs.

Bless you, I'm an editor too and only got my current role through an old employer via LinkedIn. It’s certainly not a good job market at all ATM and AI sucks with regards to taking away professional jobs from those with decades of experience.

I hope you can find some work eventually. It's definitely disheartening when you can't.😢🧡

Yep - this is what a lot of people don’t get - Reeves doubled the allowance for employers NI exemption- so most employing 2 up to 4 people will be paying nil or very low employers NI or have 3 or 4 fairly high earners- anyone self employed and is set up Asa ltd company and have an employee and use payroll to pay yourself -will likely pay NIL

with regards to the Tory’s, they knew the chickens would come home to roost, hence letting in legally all the extra 3rd world immigration in their final 2 years and fleecing the system for all they could

• they didn’t want to be left holding the poisoned chalice. They genuinely didn’t want to be in power.

and for anyone thinking of voting Reform and the likelihood of an insurance based health system - you are only as good as the people you have working in it resource wise - I genuinely think some people think this would be an odd£75 a month or so each extra and better care. Just so you know in Germany which has insurance system it’s around 380 euros a month ( each) for standard and pensioners still pay. Employers pay 50% but that’s if you are employed- it’s still close on 400 euros for a couple if you both work and are employed - if 2% on employers NI is enough to cause issues here , then paying half the healthcare is sure as hell going to put plenty of businesses under. So unless Farage has invented the magic formula where neither individuals or business are significantly out of pocket it’s going to cause big issues - it may be that kid companies will be able to offset but ultimately that affects both cash flow initially and then corporation tax due and no Germans don’t pay less tax/Ni than here to balance it off , still slightly more.

Yep - this is what a lot of people don’t get - Reeves doubled the allowance for employers NI exemption- so most employing 2 up to 4 people will be paying nil or very low employers NI or have 3 or 4 fairly high earners- anyone self employed and is set up Asa ltd company and have an employee and use payroll to pay yourself -will likely pay NIL

with regards to the Tory’s, they knew the chickens would come home to roost, hence letting in legally all the extra 3rd world immigration in their final 2 years and fleecing the system for all they could

• they didn’t want to be left holding the poisoned chalice. They genuinely didn’t want to be in power.

and for anyone thinking of voting Reform and the likelihood of an insurance based health system - you are only as good as the people you have working in it resource wise - I genuinely think some people think this would be an odd£75 a month or so each extra and better care. Just so you know in Germany which has insurance system it’s around 380 euros a month ( each) for standard and pensioners still pay. Employers pay 50% but that’s if you are employed- it’s still close on 400 euros for a couple if you both work and are employed - if 2% on employers NI is enough to cause issues here , then paying half the healthcare is sure as hell going to put plenty of businesses under. So unless Farage has invented the magic formula where neither individuals or business are significantly out of pocket it’s going to cause big issues - it may be that kid companies will be able to offset but ultimately that affects both cash flow initially and then corporation tax due and no Germans don’t pay less tax/Ni than here to balance it off , still slightly more.

Yep - this is what a lot of people don’t get - Reeves doubled the allowance for employers NI exemption- so most employing 2 up to 4 people will be paying nil or very low employers NI or have 3 or 4 fairly high earners- anyone self employed and is set up Asa ltd company and have an employee and use payroll to pay yourself -will likely pay NIL

with regards to the Tory’s, they knew the chickens would come home to roost, hence letting in legally all the extra 3rd world immigration in their final 2 years and fleecing the system for all they could

• they didn’t want to be left holding the poisoned chalice. They genuinely didn’t want to be in power.

and for anyone thinking of voting Reform and the likelihood of an insurance based health system - you are only as good as the people you have working in it resource wise - I genuinely think some people think this would be an odd£75 a month or so each extra and better care. Just so you know in Germany which has insurance system it’s around 380 euros a month ( each) for standard and pensioners still pay. Employers pay 50% but that’s if you are employed- it’s still close on 400 euros for a couple if you both work and are employed - if 2% on employers NI is enough to cause issues here , then paying half the healthcare is sure as hell going to put plenty of businesses under. So unless Farage has invented the magic formula where neither individuals or business are significantly out of pocket it’s going to cause big issues - it may be that kid companies will be able to offset but ultimately that affects both cash flow initially and then corporation tax due and no Germans don’t pay less tax/Ni than here to balance it off , still slightly more.

Apologies for multiple posts, internet issues where I am!!

It took DH nearly 9 months to find a new job, he took a few weeks sorting out his CV, then had weeks where he was spending 5 hours a day looking for jobs, applying for jobs, speaking to recruiters, doing research on companies etc etc. He got very little traction for a good few months and then suddenly ended up in final round interviews for 3-4 really good roles. Applied for lots of jobs locally, pubs, cafes, retail, temp roles, but didn’t even get a reply back from most of them, let alone an interview.

He did do a good few hours of exercise per day however he also picked up the bulk of the housework, cooked dinner, cleaned etc etc.

Yes you can. If you have a CV linked to an account like indeed you can apply for a job in minutes - what do you think single people with babies do when they get made redundant?

You should not be applying for most professional jobs in a matter of minutes. A cover letter tailored to the job is needed for starters. Yes you might do loads of applications but you’re unlikely to be successful this way.

You need to start taking serious action to reduce your outgoings right now. Contact your mortgage company and ask for a mortgage holiday. Cancel all subscriptions. Cut back on everything else. It’s a really tough job market and it’s not at all surprising he doesn’t have any interviews yet, it takes a lot of time to properly do each application and it’s definitely worth doing a few properly rather than firing out hundreds of poor applications that will simply be screened out by AI before even getting seen by a human. Having a few initial chats is a good place to be at this stage.

The “I can’t be distracted” is nonsense though. He needs to be pulling his weight at home, and he also needs to apply for any temporary work going to make your savings stretch as far as possible.

And on places like indeed you can put a cover letter in too. Sorry. Let's stop using the excuse that he needs to spend hours a day looking for work. He doesn't. He's got kids and other stuff that needs doing and he needs to be looking for any job at this point in time

Indeed is only for low-paying jobs.

For higher-earning jobs, you need plenty of networking - my last few jobs were never advertised anywhere. As a broad rule, the more senior (and high-paying) the role, the longer the process takes.

I agree- it’s not at all the same applying for chief technical officer in for example a large bank or big pharma company to applying to Tescos - one size does not fit all - I used to work opposite a headhunter in pharma ( lovely lady) - she used to have hour long conversations with people frequently , even when they were not looking just to touch base and when roles came up she instantly had a mental short list of 6 or 7 who might be persuaded to move or who were actively seeking, pre qualified and fitted the bill - Can I suggest too that if people are high earning and very much reliant on one wage then at that point invest in yourself with a bit of ASU insurance ( accident, sickness, unemployment) because it may well come in handy .

He needs to be looking at any job right now. Because at the moment he's earning nothing. Don't you think? There are jobs on indeed for 350 pounds a day in my area (West of Scotland). Some people might sneer at that but it's 350 pounds more than he's earning just now

He could wait a year for the job he wants. Or more

Ok but you need to write the cover letter, that is the bit that takes time- if you are putting a generic cover letter then don’t expect to get a job.

He's only just been let go, he got an £11k payout and they have £10k in savings.

If he gets a NMW job now, they definitely won't be able to afford their mortgage and childcare. He won't be able to prep for interviews and attend interviews if he's busy in a NMW job.

False economy with no forward thinking at all.

He needs to apply for jobs seriously, but he hasn't been out of work long enough to give up on £80k and chase £12.71 an hour.

It’s not uncommon for managers to “find a reason” to make someone redundant but nevertheless I think it’s unfair to consider him to be “sacked”
he’s been unlucky and a lot of us have been I a similar situation. It’s early days, I’d cut him some slack

that said there is no excuse not to take over at least a proportion of childcare in the meantime.

also he could be tasked with declutteirng by selling on Vinted/Facebook which will bring in a bit of cash.

Well he has still been earning a salary for the last month and now has enough redundancy pay to cover the next 3 months of salary so he’s not bringing in nothing at this point.
yes he does need to secure a job but he needs to commit enough time to getting the job for him. Alongside that he should investigate backup options in case he can’t get something quickly.

I'm quite aware of that. I wasn't suggesting that one size needed to fit all. When I was jobseeking I had more than one CV. My point was and is that he seems to be using his job search to opt out of doing anything in the home apart from baking -nothing with childcare and no pick up and drop offs and they have money to last two months

I got my last job offer through indeed btw

Similar story with my dh, took six months. I won’t lie it was a stressful time but it does take time to get traction and eventually things will fall into place

exercise is important for mental health. And again, helping out with the kids and house is important too.

Still what would I know. I'm a pleb who uses sites like indeed that other people look down their nose at clearly.

I'm of the view that in this situation he needs to be looking at anything to get a wage in even in the short term while other roles come up

Other people think the OP should work full time till he gets a job

They are his kids. He should be doing more than helping out. Same with housework

They won’t go for him “any job” he wont be qualified for or have recent experience in