In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

[saminamama]

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

I'm guessing (based on what OP has said plus my own experience) that the credit cards are 0% interest for a fixed period so makes sense to keep savings as the debt isn't accruing interesting but the savings are plus, some things need cash savings as not all expenses can be paid on a credit card should savings be needed to be used.

What OP has done is sensible, as long as the debt can be serviced.

I think it's unrealistic to expect the kids to come out of nursery unless op has family who could then provide the child care if the husband got a job tomorrow. We recently moved and ds was on the waiting list for all nurseries in the area for 5 months before a space became available at one of them. It would be extremely difficult to concentrate properly on doing applications and cvs with small kids to watch. I think that's a last resort move.

I also think initially job searching can be intensive because you have a lot of research to do on the overall market, you could spend plenty of hours doing that plus if he's meeting with potential contacts/recruiters that's time consuming across 2 weeks. Once he's exhausted what's out there then I'd say it will become less intensive because it will be more about checking what's newly coming out rather than working through a load of sites to vacancies last closed. At that point yes I'd be thinking he can support at home a bit more.

Please make sure he has claimed Contribution based JSA (not a means-tested benefit), and also use a benefits calculator to check on any other benefits to which you/he may be entitled.

You are being really unreasonable. Only a month and you are berating him for not having an interview? Give your head a shake, the jobs market is tough out there, be prepared for a long haul of unemployment.

What area of tech is he in?

Get on Indeed and pick up some Warehouse / Supermarket delivery driver / pickers- packer/ factory work for now.
Easy to apply , usually immediate start , full time hours and often overtime too -often paying up to 14/15 quid an hour which is well above minimum wage and would solve your immediate financial worry.
it doesn’t have to be the ‘Right’ job
just a ‘Right for now’ one to tide you both over

This 100pc
OP, for your own sanity, you really need to 'take a deep breath'.
For everyone's wellbeing in the long-term.

Do you know what OP… this isn’t your problem. You’re taking on his responsibility as your own. HE is responsible for bringing an income in. You’ve got an 8 month old and you’re restarting work and you’re running around after other kids. You have a full plate. There’s not much more you can do personally.

Tell him how long the 11k will last. Then how long your savings will last. Then say if, at that point, he doesn’t have a job, then you’ll have to have a mortgage holiday or take out a loan. Ultimately you may have to sell the house.

It’s not for you to force, cajole or nag him to take responsibility. He does or he doesn’t. You act accordingly.

Stop taking on all the responsibility to solve it- it’s not yours to solve!

Definitely check it you can make use off the mortgage charter, if you're both in your 30s you can stretch the overall term to dramatically reduce your monthly payments, then all being well go back to previous payment amount and term when your DH has a job. Or not, £2K mortgage while you have 2 kids in nursery sounds pretty financially stretching. Unless none of you eat or use utilities.

If your credit cards are interest free I would do the maths to see if it is worth paying them off to qualify for UC as you might find it isn't much and that your money will last longer if you keep it.

Is it so damaging to his self esteem he can’t lift a finger to help with the house or look after his own children? There’s being supportive and then there’s being taken advantage of… OP is rightly frustrated I think.

And nothing in your comment was ‘respectful’

It must have been quite a blow for him and it's quite natural that you are worried, we would all be.

I wonder if he might think of doing something else? You say he has many conversations with recruitment people, which come to nothing. How about someone who can explore possibilities outside of his usual field? Many do change careers after redundancy and enjoy it. Your husband has youth on his side too.

He needs a well structured plan. I was made redundant twice in 6 months last year. I did take 24-48hrs after each redundancy to lick my wounds and generally mope about a bit
first time I secured a new job before I left the other, second time it took me 9 days to find another

I started with jobs I wanted that were local enough then went to jobs I wanted but further away, then jobs I didn’t want but paid enough and were local and so on
redid my CV, spoke to everyone I knew, signed up to recruitment agencies and generally totally focused on it especially around 8-10am when I found new jobs were coming out
I live alone so it was urgent that I had a job or I couldn’t pay my bills

Good Advice.

Slightly different but one of my DC had a long job search... and found it was a huge hit to confidence to have nearly every CV ignored. Recruiters told us that companies recruit on a seasonal basis sometimes and that proved to be true for DC - nothing at all in the first quarter.. 3-4 interviews and job offers in the second Q. Not the same for every industry. Just saying that its sometimes a long long slog.
I think its good your DH is talking to people about it you never know if they might hear of something or forward him a contact in a few weeks or have an idea. He's keeping busy by the sound of it, which is also a good thing. If there are any career advice places that he could contact, who would give him advice on his CV, tidying up linked in, how to target speculative letters, maybe a day or two of voluntary work that's related to his previous job area? that would also help him. Further down the line... is there something he would like to retrain for? It sounds like he has a lot of experience in sales to other countries.

I know you are anxious but sometimes you just have to ride it out. Take it a day at a time. Making yourself feel ill with worry won't change anything or help either of you.
I know people say the job market is difficult, but that doesn't mean that he won't find something. It just means trying a bit harder for a bit longer and not giving up. You will find a way. Wishing you both all the best

This isn’t the first thread, there was one when he was told he was being made redundant. Though OP keeps insisting its him being sacked. She was very worried then too

He will be able to get UC once savings are under 16k I believe.

I can not believe how many people are chastising you and saying you should support your husband. The bar for men is so low! He goes swimming or bakes bread while you wrangle the kids and do the housework? Does he ever do the housework? He sounds like something from the 1950's. Did he do housework beforehand? My partner works full-time in a full-on job but also helps with child care, cooking, and cleaning.

One thing I would say is that he does sound like he could have ADHD. It might be worth getting him to sign up for an assessment, as it could help with motivating him to do things and stop opting out of his responsibilities as he doom scrolls Facebook Marketplace. There is honestly no excuse for laziness, though.

If it were me, I would also hand him the children and walk out of the house sometime - make him do some actual childcare. I would also have him install social media blockers on his phone that block certain sites and social media for set periods of time or during specific parts of the day. I have used them myself, as I can fall down the social media rabbit hole and find I have done nothing for an hour or two - it is hard to motivate yourself to apply for jobs (particularly if you have an ADHD interest-based brain), so apps like that work to remove temptation. Remove the TV remote, too! Tell him he needs to stick to a schedule - in the morning, he helps get the kids ready - then 9.30 am until 12.30 pm, he looks for jobs and applies for things religiously. Then after lunch, he can do some chores, grocery shopping, or cook dinner - his choice. If he has a job application, he needs to spend all day on you can revise that, but with the social media blocker on!

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I don’t know if that’s fair, I don’t know his industry but in mine there is an a apply by date, and they don’t arrange interviews until that date has passed. So if he’s only been applying for jobs for two weeks then he may not hear back for another week or so.

also it’s completely unreasonable that he’s unemployed and you’re only going back two day. If you can get more hours then he needs to do the childcare while you’re at work. When you come home you can take over and he can apply for jobs in the evenings and at weekends. The money will last a lot longer and you’re going to need it. It’s all hands on deck until he finds something

So you’re carrying all the housework and childcare load and he is faffing about with bread and Facebook?

I would tell him he either makes finding work a full time job or he does most of the housework and childcare and looks for a job in the evenings. Lazy git.

I think I’d have to tell him I’m extremely stressed about money, and he needs to convey to me that he cares about this too. No more Facebook marketplace, and more chores around the house is how you can productively use your time. You don’t seem to realise that in 3 weeks I have to give notice at nursery and you will be job hunting while parenting. You can plot Job Strategies while loading the dishwasher.

Sounds like a redundancy because his role was no longer available, rather than a sacking. The job market is brutal at the moment and it may take him some time to find the right thing. He may well be applying for lots of jobs, it’s very difficult to get an interview and lots of companies are using AI to sift the applications, so he must make sure he is using keywords from the job description and tailor the application to each specific job to avoid the ‘computer says no’. It may be getting him down, it’s obviously very demoralising being constantly rejected/not selected for interview. It has taken me 18 months to get a permanent role and I had to take a zero hours job until then and just pick up as many hours as I could. It may be best to get any job he can initially just to keep some money coming in and not have too long a gap in employment, whilst he looks for the right role. Could he sign up for uber or Amazon deliveries, and keep looking. Could you take in a lodger (appreciate you have a baby) or see if you are entitled to any benefits? The ego may have to be put to one side and you might both need to lower your expectations initially, it is very, very difficult at the moment. Certainly a very humbling experience having just been through it myself.

It depends. If you are interviewing for a Google or Amazon you better spend at least 40 hours prepping

He needs to pick up some of the cooking and cleaning and household labour that you don’t he’s not working currently. If you can work and do those things then he certainly can and also apply for jobs.
btw chat gpt can help do a cv in 1second so two weeks spent making a cv is appalling!!!
being made redundant is a shock but at some point he needs to pull it together …

There’s a lot going on in your post, but you’re being unreasonable in thinking every chat with a recruiter should immediately result in an interview. That’s not how it works.

Recruiters build their database of contacts that will include potential candidates (like your DH) and employers. At any given time, there is not one suitable vacancy for every candidate. The chats will be the recruiters getting to know him and build a profile, so that when a suitable vacancy comes up, they will contact him and any other candidates they have on their database to put them forward.

It might be in a week, a month or a year for them to come back to him with an opportunity that matches his profile. They don’t have a magic supply of jobs to immediately offer every candidate they speak to.