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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s odd not to check on your children at all?

283 replies

Summernightsmummy · 05/05/2026 13:31

I’m looking after a friends 6 year old and 9 year old kids for 3 nights (from yesterday afternoon) while my friend goes to London with her sister to see some west end shows/musicals for her birthday (my friends birthday). Her children have been with me since 1pm yesterday and my friend hasn’t messaged or called me even once to ask how her children are. I’ve messaged my friend with how her kids are and messaged her when the kids wanted me to tell her that they said night last night and she hasn’t even read the messages but she has been on WhatsApp since. I couldn’t imagine going away for 3 nights and not checking how my child (I have a 5 year old) is like this and checking that my child is ok. AIBU to think it’s odd not to check on your kids at all to see how they are? I think it’s odd behaviour from my friend not to check how her children are and not to check that they are ok.

OP posts:
Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 12:25

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 06/05/2026 12:24

No but if she’s at a play phone will be silenced anyway. To be honest if my kids are in the care of my family members I don’t check my phone as regularly because I 100% know they can deal with any issues that come up - so if I was going somewhere my phone would be off I probably wouldn’t leave them with my friend I’d leave them with a relative. Her phone is probably just off though and while it’s a bit weird and not great I doubt she’s abandoned her children to join the cast of Wicked or anything like that.

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I’m not sure any play lasts that long….. and they’re not with a family member.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 06/05/2026 12:26

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 12:25

I’m not sure any play lasts that long….. and they’re not with a family member.

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I know but I’m saying I doubt it’s sinister it’s probably just a case of phone being off. OP if it bothers you just don’t have them again.

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 12:33

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 06/05/2026 12:26

I know but I’m saying I doubt it’s sinister it’s probably just a case of phone being off. OP if it bothers you just don’t have them again.

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That’s not the question though, OP
is sense checking if she’s unreasonable? DM not checking in, ignoring messages and calls is not acceptable and OP is NBU!

cadburyegg · 06/05/2026 12:38

I think this is outrageous. You are doing a massive favour for her, the least she can do is reply to your messages

RampantIvy · 06/05/2026 12:44

pinkyredrose · 06/05/2026 10:06

Unlike me? Save the personal attacks please.

Op's post was dripping with judgement!

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No it wasn't.

MsSquiz · 06/05/2026 14:27

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 06/05/2026 12:26

I know but I’m saying I doubt it’s sinister it’s probably just a case of phone being off. OP if it bothers you just don’t have them again.

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Except the phone isn’t off because she’s posted on Facebook and been active on WhatsApp…

WheresPollysDogGone · 06/05/2026 14:44

Yes I'd say odd

My DD is old enough for her own phone and I text her when she's with her dad just a "good night" and i ring her on his weekends too. Only for 2 minutes, but I still do it.

shrunkenhead · 06/05/2026 14:56

Tbf you have told her how they are and she may have read the messages and assumed all is well so no needto bother you. I'm guessing she trusts you enough to leave her kids with you and that you'll let her know if any issues.
Yes, I would've checked in with you but can see why some wouldn't and would simply enjoy themselves safe in the knowledge their kids were being well cared for.

GrillaMilla · 06/05/2026 15:02

shrunkenhead · 06/05/2026 14:56

Tbf you have told her how they are and she may have read the messages and assumed all is well so no needto bother you. I'm guessing she trusts you enough to leave her kids with you and that you'll let her know if any issues.
Yes, I would've checked in with you but can see why some wouldn't and would simply enjoy themselves safe in the knowledge their kids were being well cared for.

I think it's just common courtesy, a show of appreciation and acknowledgement for the MASSIVE favour she's doing.

shrunkenhead · 06/05/2026 15:08

GrillaMilla · 06/05/2026 15:02

I think it's just common courtesy, a show of appreciation and acknowledgement for the MASSIVE favour she's doing.

Edited
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I agree, it is odd, but some people are like that!

Mustreadabook · 06/05/2026 15:09

Zov · 05/05/2026 13:53

If there's one thing I learned (when my DC were young/school age) and their mates used to come and stay (sometimes all day and overnight,) it's that some people do not give a shit about their children.

My older DC had a friend when they were both 14, and they hadn't seen them for a week. This one Tuesday afternoon in early August, this girl's mum phoned me and asked me if I'd seen 'Shannon.' I said, 'not seen her for about a week sorry.'

Upshot is, her mum hadn't seen her for 3 days and 3 nights! She was 14! Turned out she had been staying at some lad's house since the Saturday afternoon, and had been out drinking with him and his mates - he was 16 and his mates 16 to 19. Just disturbing. His mum told me this a few days after, with a 'wot is she like?' kind of attitude.

I could tell quite a few more stories like this, including parents who would happily let their children walk 1 mile home at 7pm in the dark from our house in the dark, because they couldn't be fucked to fetch them. (After we had looked after them and fed them, sometimes all day!) We ended up driving them back. Fucked me right off, but no way was I sending an 8 year old child out into the dark and into the big sink estate they lived in (the edge of it was half a mile from where we lived at the time...)

I know a woman right now who has 2 kids, a boy aged 5 and girl aged 7, and they are off around the village all the time, to the park 10 minutes walk away, going across main roads, and going into the woodlands, and she doesn't know where they are half the time. And she doesn't care. As long as she doesn't have to bother with them. She has a big 4-car driveway, and she puts her car on the road - and her boyfriend puts his on the road too - so the kids can use it as a play area to pay football and run around on, (when they're not off a mile from home,) so they don't have to get up off their arse to play with them. Neither of them work, so it's not like they don't have the time to play with them, and they're both only around 28-30, and able bodied...

.

Edited

It does sound odd these days to have kids wandering off to the woods, but it sounded idyllic when it happened in enid blyton books!

Muffinmam · 06/05/2026 16:19

It’s strange behaviour. Even if she didn’t want to talk to them - they are so young! They would have wanted to speak to their mother.

Why aren’t the children with their dad?

likelysuspect · 06/05/2026 16:25

PollyBell · 06/05/2026 08:16

Who decides what is right or wrong then we all have a different scale on that and with the dramatic pearl clutching that seems to be on every single thread 'i would never do that' it is hard to tell the shell from the oysters

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Yes, navigating through that, cultural norms, societal norms, new trends, etc very difficult

Some things are a given though arent they? You tend to check in on your kids if someone else is looking after them (notwithstanding school days). I wouldnt have thought that was an extreme thing, unusual thing and if thats lacking that tends to tell us the parent isnt that interested.

Original poster
Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 20:52

I still haven’t heard (she still hasn’t read any of the messages either) anything from her and the kids were not able to say night to her again! Their father lives overseas and hasn’t seen them in years and doesn’t want to see them apparently, my friend is a single mother.

OP posts:
JustAnotherWhinger · 06/05/2026 20:54

Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 20:52

I still haven’t heard (she still hasn’t read any of the messages either) anything from her and the kids were not able to say night to her again! Their father lives overseas and hasn’t seen them in years and doesn’t want to see them apparently, my friend is a single mother.

Edited

That is really poor form on her behalf.

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 21:00

Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 20:52

I still haven’t heard (she still hasn’t read any of the messages either) anything from her and the kids were not able to say night to her again! Their father lives overseas and hasn’t seen them in years and doesn’t want to see them apparently, my friend is a single mother.

Edited

I’m sorry she’s in that situation, she does have other parental support.

However, this is totally unacceptable and she’s not going to gain any more favours from you!

MissyB1 · 06/05/2026 21:01

Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 20:52

I still haven’t heard (she still hasn’t read any of the messages either) anything from her and the kids were not able to say night to her again! Their father lives overseas and hasn’t seen them in years and doesn’t want to see them apparently, my friend is a single mother.

Edited

It’s just so bloody weird!
When is she due back?

Original poster
Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 21:03

MissyB1 · 06/05/2026 21:01

It’s just so bloody weird!
When is she due back?

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Very late tomorrow evening.

OP posts:
Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 21:04

Witchonenowbob · 06/05/2026 21:00

I’m sorry she’s in that situation, she does have other parental support.

However, this is totally unacceptable and she’s not going to gain any more favours from you!

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*doesn’t

FasterMichelin · 06/05/2026 21:08

I think you need to have a word with her when she’s back. Leave it for now as there must be a reason she’s ignoring you, however sad that is for her kids.

When she returns, away from the children I would explain that you were saddened and disappointed that she didn’t reply and had there been an issue or problem with the kids, you’d have not known what to do. That even if she’s away, she should still have been contactable as their mother.

I wouldn’t do it again. It’s not fair on you at all. It takes 5 minutes to text a lovely message to her kids with a photo or two. How selfish of her. Is she away with a new fella perhaps?

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 06/05/2026 21:13

That age i'd have checked at some point when i had some downtime.

I didn't when they were with their Dad during his contact weekends, nor when i left them with my parents, because they're people i trust implicitly and who i know would call me if there was an issue.

Now they're older i don't call home at all when i'm away (they're 17+) because i can msg them directly to check in, and i'll usually whatsapp them a goodnight.

MyOtherProfile · 06/05/2026 21:17

Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 20:52

I still haven’t heard (she still hasn’t read any of the messages either) anything from her and the kids were not able to say night to her again! Their father lives overseas and hasn’t seen them in years and doesn’t want to see them apparently, my friend is a single mother.

Edited

That's so bad. When is she due to come back for them?

I bet you won't offer again. Those poor children.

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 06/05/2026 21:48

Summernightsmummy · 06/05/2026 21:03

Very late tomorrow evening.

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Please say you’ll never have them overnight again and you’ll tell her how out of order she is?! It’s not a parenting difference, it’s rude and selfish. What if something had happened?

Netcurtainnelly · 06/05/2026 21:50

did you not discuss messages or a call with her before. left.

Netcurtainnelly · 06/05/2026 21:52

FasterMichelin · 06/05/2026 21:08

I think you need to have a word with her when she’s back. Leave it for now as there must be a reason she’s ignoring you, however sad that is for her kids.

When she returns, away from the children I would explain that you were saddened and disappointed that she didn’t reply and had there been an issue or problem with the kids, you’d have not known what to do. That even if she’s away, she should still have been contactable as their mother.

I wouldn’t do it again. It’s not fair on you at all. It takes 5 minutes to text a lovely message to her kids with a photo or two. How selfish of her. Is she away with a new fella perhaps?

Being away with a new fella does not stop you sending a message.

Hope nothing has happened to her.