For asking my partner not to sleep naked

[Em111110]

For some reason, my partner of 13 years has recently started sleeping naked. By recent, I mean the last few weeks. He says it is freeing and he sleeps better naked. There are occasions where we have fallen asleep naked in the past but we mostly wear pjs or at least underwear. The main reason is we have an 11 year old daughter, but I am also a bit of a clean freak and he is a typical sweaty farty man and it it gives me the ick sleeping naked in our sheets. My partner also doesn’t sleep well and gets up numerous times through the night, leaving the room to go for a drink, bathroom etc naked or kicks the sheets off so everything is on show. He says I am controlling for asking him to wear at least underwear to bed but I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to be naked when we have a nearly teenage daughter. AIBU?

…with all the lights on

Yes it's controlling
Would separate beds be an option?

😂😂😂

I agree with you. It's gross and you'd need to change the bedding constantly for it to stay hygienic. No arseholes, arse cracks, flaps etc rubbing on the sheets please.

I’d need separate beds or bedrooms as it’s quite grim, especially with the sweating, farting, and frequent bathroom visits.

Is this the only issue though? If he’s never done it in 13 years, he knows it bothers you, and he’s flung the old chestnut of “controlling” at you when you dared to question it I would assume he’s doing it as a display of contempt.

He can sleep how he wants in bed . As for your daughter, tell her to knock before she comes in .

I love sleeping naked, pyjamas/nightie always gets tangled up. And I go the bathroom in the night without putting clothes on.

I'm with you on this OP, I would feel a bit repelled and I would also be irritated to be called 'controlling' when expressing sincere discomfort about nudity I did not feel comfortable with/around a child in the home.

I'd just let him know again that I didn't feel comfortable with it but acknowledge his choice, buy myself a separate duvet the very least. I'm not a prude but there is a time and a place to come into unexpected contact with someone's genitals and sweaty body in bed and when I'm trying to get a good nights sleep isn't that time.

I actually think it's really weird that he won't say, put on a pair of boxers/PJ shorts or a robe if he needs to go downstairs. Makes it seem like he is doing it on principal to show he can, even though it makes others uncomfortable. When (because it's not if) is it, your daughter comes across this and expresses her discomfort - what do you think he will say then, will he still refuse to cover up?

Me & (now ex H) always used to sleep naked - until such time as the DC were old enough to toddle into the bedroom at night/early morning. So I think YANBU if the 11yo might come into your room.
Now I always wear something, because I read a story about a couple who were woken by a house fire/fire alarm going off/smoke everywhere and didn't have time to grab any clothes - and had only an apron and tea towel grabbed from the kitchen to cover them up - and I thought omg I wouldn't like that!

Ha, I’ve asked DP not to wear pyjamas before when he came out with a hideous pair! 😆. Fortunately he mostly just wears boxers.

Teach your DD to knock and wait before coming into your bedroom. I doubt either she or her dad want her to see him naked! For the same reason, get your DH a robe to wear outside the bedroom. If you are worried about his sweaty body in your bed (?) perhaps he could shower in the evening?

I agree. His use of the word “controlling” makes me think it’s some sort of rebellion from him or he’s been watching some of manosphere type of crap.

Personally I’d hate it if DH insisted on sleeping naked. Pants are required. Nakedness would need him to be freshly showered at bedtime and he’d be changing the bed sheets more often.

DH sleeps in loose boxer shorts and sometimes a t-shirt. I sleep in knickers and a singlet/vest/sleeveless top.

Sweating and farting are normal bodily functions, what's "grim"? Sheets get washed obviously. You can tell you've never went through the menopause.

Me and DH are well into our 70's now and married for over 50 years
Until recently neither of us wore nightware though I had a nightie for hospital and he has PJ;s just incase. We always put a robe on for leaving the bedroom.
As for the kids, they knew to knock as no one wants to see their parents in the nip but we did wear nightware when looking after the DGC;s. not fair on them to witness geriatric nudity.

Of course yabu, how on earth does your husband sleeping naked affect an 11year old child,who is old enough to knock before entering the room what a ridiculous reason. Yanbu to ask him to cover up before going out of your room however

My only concern, beyond the fact that safety wise it doesn't seem to affect your child, is whether he expects you to also sleep naked every single night by rule and/or whether his sleeping naked ever affected your sleep and intimate life.
I only ask because I had an ex partner who became controlling and abusive a few years ago, who made sleeping together naked mandatory because it was easy for him to SA me in the night and pretend it never happened.
I wasn't allowed to sleep with any items of clothing on because apparently it made "the bed overheat"...

I’d feel the same as you, maybe I’m a prude but I don’t get why not just have boxers on,

DH and I have a split king. I was worried about it at first, but got it because it’s an adjustable bed and I wanted that feature to help with back pain. It’s fantastic. We have our own sheets. He can mess up his side and mine is untouched.

The seam doesn’t mess with a sex life. It’s just sort of there and you avoid positioning in ways that it would create problems.

highly recommend if his sleeping habits are annoying. He does need a robe though for wandering.

Wow. Would everyone be quite so happy using language like gross or icky if it was OP’s partner describing her naked body as sweaty, farty and allegedly making the sheets unhygienic by… sleeping in them, coming back to bed after using the toilet etc? If you’re repulsed by the man you married sleeping naked @Em111110 it’s probably indicative of something deeper.
FWIW both my parents were naked sleepers when we were kids, and while they didn’t flaunt themselves it was also not hidden from us. We didn’t grow up disturbed or alarmed. Personally I hate sleeping naked, I feel exposed.

I sleep naked. So does my partner. My son has seen us both naked and do you know what happened? Absolutely nothing. Do I care that he’s seen me naked? No. Is he traumatised? No. You’re all weird!!!

😂

If his naked body was so unclean, I'd sleep in a separate bed. And divorce him.

But assuming he has basic adult hygiene, naked is fine, as long as he puts on a robe before leaving the bedroom.

Do you not have sex in the bed naked or do special sheets go down for that?
I feel a bit sorry for him that you seem so grossed out by his body.
But yes he can throw something on for wondering about the house.

I would have hated to see my dad naked, and I am sure my kids feel the same. A towel or bathroom or dressing gown when he leave the bedroom would be essential for me! You are not being unreasonable about that.

bathrobe