Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

This is a guy who presumably lives alone and needs to feed himself 3 meals a day and he thinks this is making an effort? Maybe he can't cook but in that case how does he feed himself? If he hasn't learnt to cook he obviously doesn't have enough interest in his own health to care, not the most attractive attribute. Just that would put me off. He's either always eating at his mom's, existing on ready meals or getting takeaways.

I think you are being unreasonable. It is not a red flag to use a meal kit. It was a three course meal he prepared.

You don’t have to justify your standards to anyone, except yourself.

If it’s a deal breaker for you, end it. Lots of people, as evinced by this thread, would be happy with his effort and nobody is right or wrong. It’s simply a question of compatibility.

What you should not do is treat another person as a project. He doesn’t need training and feedback.

High standards are good. Controlling is not.

I used to work with someone who was married to a 2 Michelin star chef. Apparently he loathed cooking at home - she either had to do it or they would live on scrambled eggs.

One of my friends (male) bought a pasta machine and hand made ravioli for his now wife as she said she really liked pasta when he first cooked for her. She was impressed and I loved this story (and always wanted someone to do something similar for me, but it’s never happened). One guy did hire a private chef to cook for us which is arguably more effort but it felt a little OTT and I wasn’t that into the guy so didn’t see him again anyways. I think if you really liked this guy it wouldn’t bother you, I suspect you’re not that into him but think he’s alright so looking for negatives

There are plenty of ways you can feed yourself healthily that don't involve detailed meals cooked from scratch. HTH.

What a Miss prissy .

He served you food, which he had cooked, at his home. Am I missing something?

Yes, I think you should end it. I don't think there was anything wrong with what he did, personally, but you sound incompatible.

Oh, depends on the person. DBro is a massive foodie and can indeed whip up a green curry from scratch, with a side of steamed sticky rice wrapped in a palm leaf and papaya salad. I pick up a tub of Mae ploy curry paste from the local Asian supermarket and mix that with some coconut milk.

Honestly both taste pretty similar (and better than a lot of takeaways). I’d have no qualms serving mine to guests (though I wouldn’t boast about it being home-made).

The only red flag here is you

You can stop seeing someone for any reason what so ever…

But I think you’d be surprised that many people think that IS home cooked. The cooking ability of many people in this country is shite. Especially among the single men I know, age 29-40 generally, it’s all takeaways, oven food or ready meals. Sometimes some plain chicken and rice with boiled veg.

If everything else was good then I couldn't imagine finishing with a partner over this! But if it's that important to you (or there are other issues?) then that's up to you!

Did you really expect him to make gyoza, a curry and chocolate brownie all completely from scratch? What a faff. I might make one from scratch but I wouldn't make all of them.

Home made means he made it at home, not that he was going to cook everything from scratch. He prepared you a three course meal, I don't see the issue tbh but you sound like hard work that's for sure.

I am amazed that you would consider finishing with someone over such a trivial thing

Normal nights he's not feeding Ms Fussy Pants.

I know the OP sounds utterly ghastly l.

A couple of months together and you don’t want to have sex with him? Why on earth are you wasting your time then?

lol. totally agree surely there's lots of other important things.
Is he kind, do you get on, does he drink heavily,

She has 'standards' darhling & the poor chump hasn't lept through enough hoops yet!

😩🤣🙇🏻‍♀️

The first time my useless ex invited me over to cook for me, he made battered cod (the kind you cook in the oven from frozen), with a tiny handful of plain conchiglie pasta (because the pack was almost finished). He couldn't be bothered to go to the supermarket and lived a few minutes' walk from a Tesco.

Another time he made a salad with uncooked, raw sliced mushrooms.

My husband however is an amazing cook! But yeah I wouldn't be bothered at all by what your date made.

You need to end it for both your sakes, so you can both find somebody more suitable. Perhaps you should quiz all future dates on their cooking skills before you get in too deep.

I think he went to a nice amount of effort, even if some of it was shop bought.

When you dump him, make sure you explain that home cooked to you, meant every ingredient bought, made from scratch and then cooked, so that he understands that it is you not him.

But do you realise many of these women would CHOOSE to be single rather than dating someone where if they wanted a decent meal, they’d have to cook it for both of them?

if I wanted to date - I don’t - the reasons would be sex and not always having to cook if I want a decent lasagna. Otherwise I’d rather be single.

Oh my god, this is absolutely hilarious... my husband cooked me pasta bake and fish fingers once when we were dating! I am a very proficient home cook and am known for it but my husband is not... Did that make him a bad prospect for the future? Of course not, he's a fantastic provider, husband, and father.

That meal was clearly his concept of a home-cooked meal and a perfectly acceptable attempt at one. You sound like hard work. Throw this one back, he deserves it.

Lol I wasn’t going to reward such a low effort was I?!