Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

You sound just like my SIL with your “standards” and “not settling for less than I deserve”. Never found anyone good enough, never had the family she was desperate for, never once asked herself how much she had to offer and what she did actually deserve in return for an inflated sense of self. You caring about the effort made not being how much of an effort you think you deserve - seeing what isn’t there rather than what is - won’t get you where you want to go.

This. No everyone is into cooking and that’s fine.

I've had 'home cooked' meals made by men in the past that honestly make this sound like a gourmet feast! Remember one ex boasting about the romantic dinner he was making for Valentine's Day and it was (a watery) spaghetti bol and lots of sliced bread 😂

As others have said, if this is a deal breaker then walk away but from my perspective, I do think you're being hard on him. At least give it another chance?

Surely this isn’t about being pretentious, but about thinking about the future. She will have to always be the cook if she ever wants home cooked food. And to the other poster who said this is home cooked, oh my goodness, of course it’s not. I would say my girls were under 10 years old when they could have produced some home cooking to a higher standard.

This wouldn't even feature on my radar of things to be bothered about.

You and some of your friends debating how he can "redeem himself" make it sound like a test, and he is being set up to fail.

I didn't marry my DH for his cooking skills. There were none. We still had a very successful almost 33 year marriage until his very sad and untimely death a few weeks ago.

Far worse things happen at sea, and if there's one thing that the last few weeks and months have taught me (in the hardest of ways) it is that life is just far too short to worry about unimportant shit like this.

Also spotted that. Such a foodie and a snob but clearly not very literate.

What, make curry from scratch at 10? Yes of course.

I would finish it, as you both clearly have different standards

Let's be honest, the vast majority of them are feckin USELESS in the kitchen.

Why can't she just do what the rest of us do and show him how to cook over time?

Or does she only date sous chefs?

I haven't dated in a loooooong time thanks to being in a relationship (and my man's toad in the hole in banging, thank you very much 😂) but I very much doubt the standards have improved so much over a couple of decades that they're now all whipping up a beef welly from scratch on date 2!

Split with him- he can’t live up to your standards so what is the point?

Perhaps he saw it as home cooked. But given your reaction, I’m sure he won’t make that mistake again.

But he didn’t try? Trying would be following a recipe surely?

True. Compromise is important too.
Not settling for less is fine as long as you’re aware that there is very few Prince Charming characters out there waiting to meet the high standards that you require. Prep yourself for single life.

Yabvu. Presumably he's not a confident or adventurous cook and this is what he classes as a home cooked meal.

I love to cook and wouldn't. serve this us.

My sister is a terrible cook and this would be a big effort for her.

You sound unpleasant.

I would have taken a takeaway over that! And there was no way I was putting out 😂

There is nothing wrong with having standards. This presumably is his level of cooking expertise and his idea of a home cooked meal, if that doesn't align with your standards dump him. For most people it would be an odd thing to draw the line at, but you do you.

My husband cooked me Mr brains faggots when we first got together....

This cannot be repeated enough. Low effort is when someone says they can’t be arsed and asks you to cook while they watch TV/do something else. This was a three course meal. I would be so pleased if my DH or DC did that.

I quite often use an M+S desert when I have people around. I do not think I would judge anyone for using a kit for the main course. Particularly on a date when they might be nervous. However you can dump anyone if you are uncomfortable and he might benefit from a fresh start

Probably a relief all round - you clearly aren’t compatible.

Grilled chicken and salad wouldn't have taken any more effort. And would probably have been less tasty.

Yes, I think you're being a bit harsh.

This.

This has made me feel weirdly sad for some reason - I hope you're trolling and not serious.

Have you considered that:

• He didn't want to overcomplicate things for the date and end up a massive sweating hot mess, juggling a million things in an attempt to impress you and having a kitchen disaster?
• He chose (IMO a lovely sounding) simple menu so he could spend time with you, rather than being as above, chained to the kitchen stressing about timings?

The dating world is a bloody minefield for men as well as women. You even thinking about calling this a red flag is so disrespectful. He tried and it wasn't enough, so please for his sake, let him find someone who will appreciate him rather than sucking the joy out of him for trying. FFS.

Jesus Christ. Poor bloke.

Putting out? Is it 1950?

Just to say you shouldn't have sex with anyone you don't want to, for any reason, sex should be enjoyable and something you do because you desire it. Putting out seems to imply you're giving someone else something. That's not how relationships should be