Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

I didn’t say it was expecting perfection. I said it needed to be balanced in context with what else they bring to the party. In my case my dh can’t cook but he does everything else.. works hard to give us a great life, does all the admin/books holidays, helps round the house, is kind, generous and thoughtful.. I couldn’t give a stuff if he can’t cook.. he doesn’t need to!!

We all need to appreciate all situations are different!

Depends on the man and his taste. If he's a foodie and doesn't do junk food he might feel dissapointed to be promised a home cooked dinner and get a microwaved curry, he won't break with her but might realize they have very different tastes in food and probably life style choices. If he's not a foodie and eats junk food as part of his daily diet he might feel delighted with the microwaved curry from Tesco.

It was actually a genuine question. My experience of MN is that the reverse is rarely tolerated.

Step away from the aubergine 😬

Innit! They seem to revel in their partners' incompetence in the kitchen!

I don't do the majority of the cooking. He is crap at it but I still expect him to do it and he does. He has fine tuned a few 'signature dishes' over the years and can take direction.

Anyone is free to dump anyone at any time and for any reason but I would have been heartbroken if DH had given me a swerve because I forgot to put the sender unit back in when I put a new fuel tank on the Land Rover.

Agreed. Although it appears that’s not an issue for some mumsnetters, as long as he earns a lot of money 🙄

Does that matter what other people do?

Money talks!

Absolutely fine for someone who doesn't mind doing all of the cooking. I wouldn't be prepared to do all of the cooking no matter if he excelled in other ways.

One person has mentioned that her DH can't cook but earns a lot. One.

Sounds like he dodged a bullet there

It would probably be a dealbreaker for me. I don't think expecting an adult to be able to cook is expecting perfection.

Able to cook is vague.
Most people can cook something - ie an omelette, egg on toast, spag bol, a curry (and yes, cheat with a bought sauce) etc etc.

Very many women don' t 'cook' in the sense of cooking from scratch. I do. 99% of our food is cooked from scratch.

I am the chief cook. If I want a night off, DP cooks . He is not a cook but he can do a roast dinner, a few main meals or worst case a posh ready meal. He lived alone from 18 at uni till he was 31 so he can clearly survive on food he cooked then.

He can do a zillion other things which 90% of men can't.

I’m sorry to have been so defensive ☺️

It's a three course meal. I mean it isn't cooked from scratch, but it's hardly a Rustler burger and a choc ice. It's a meal in, not bloody MasterChef.

I mean I don’t know but is there a reason you’re being quite rude OP? From the way you are writing you sound like you think you are gods gift to men?

'Not cooking' but earning a lot usually means the high earner puts in a 12+ hr day and often works at weekends. I think in those circs it's only fair that the partner not working those hours does more domestic stuff, be they male or female.

I feel exactly the same as this.
for me one of the great joys of a relationship would be that eg if I had a really hard day, but knew I was going home to a proper home made meal as I walked in the door.

I wouldn’t count on money- there was a thread about a rigid tight arse yesterday that he was calling his wife a princess for wanting to hire help while she was drowning in order to clean and cook to his standards 🙄 no point of mr moneybags if he doesn’t want to spend any of it

@WeeksJa When you smile at Gym Man be sure you ask him how good a cook he is before you do anything else with him.
Set out your standards from the word GO.
Tell him you expect nothing less than a 3 course meal cooked from scratch.

Youre supposed to be having sex for your personal enjoyment and fulfillment and because you fancy him, not as a bargaining tool.

Thats a deeply unhealthy attitude

I wish you well in your search for the perfect man and sincerely hope that you match their expectations as the perfect woman!

Why are you so vitriolic towards other women?

Exactly.

Definitely. Can’t stand these ‘cook from scratch, eat out once a year’ holier than thou types. He deserves someone who isn’t so uptight