Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Personally, I judge a man by his breakfast. If he didn't raise the pigs for the bacon and lay the eggs himself that morning I'm out 😂

I'm deeply apologetic for having to tell you that people like that exist in the world.

Why are so so so many women on this thread somehow boasting that their bloke can’t even heat soup. How completely absurd. Well done you, great find.

He was before his time – chilled red wine is a thing now!

Or bake his own bread like Windy Miller.

If you love him, you'll get over this.

Not at all! I think it’s absolutely fine to not be an ace at everything!!
A pp made the sarcastic comparison of him asking her to rebuild his car engine next week - the OP wouldn’t say she will do this for him because she knows she is incapable (I assume! 😂) He shouldn’t have offered to make her a homemade meal if he was incapable. It’s fine to say, I’m rubbish at cooking, but I’ll take you out for a delicious dinner, or I’ll sort out your garden for you, or whatever. But don’t promise something you’re unable to deliver. It’s fake and disappointing and means you don’t really care!

Yeah. Let the poor guy go. Not everyone is perfect, we all have strengths and weaknesses. Also, making the effort doesn’t need to be blood sweat and tears.

think about a bigger picture.

My husband in actually a pretty crap cook. But I love to cook and he cleans the kitchen like a whizz when I'm done, is a great father, is fantastic in bed and makes a shit tonne of money. I haven't spent one day of our relationship wishing he was better at heating soup.

Blimey Op you sound high maintenance!! He cooked a curry with a spice mix/jar - to a lot of people that's home cooked. If you want him to be there with a pestle and mortar grinding spices and marinating chicken for hours then let this poor chap go!

I'd just be happy to have a nice meal cooked for me. He can learn some more complicated things over time.

Maybe he wanted to make something safe that he couldn't mess up?

Because some women aren't so shallow that they would kick their partner into the long grass just because he can't cook. It would be the same if man said he wanted to dump a woman if she couldn't rewire the electrics or skim a wall.

It would probably be a dealbreaker for me. I don't think expecting an adult to be able to cook is expecting perfection.

Struggling with my thoughts on this one! My initial reaction was you’re a pain in the arse with a superiority complex and I felt bad for the guy. But if this doesn’t meet your standards then he is going to continue to disappoint so you’re not compatible are you? I quite like the rom-com idea of falling in love with a lovable goof who only manages beans on toast but actually parenting with said goof would be a different story. So after all that, i think I actually agree with you 🤣

Sorry but gyoza followed by curry would kill it for me. I wouldn’t mind one (even two!) courses with shortcuts, but it needs to be a somewhat coherent menu… and some effort on one of the courses

She doesn’t, she’s got an eye on the bloke at the gym normally there on Tuesdays, so she’s hoping tomorrow she can make a move.

Just one of those women that is unhappy with her own company understandably

Do people understand there’s rather a large gap in between Michelin star (which some have said is what the op expected) and microwaving some processed food?

maybe they actually don’t, because microwaved processed food is all they eat? Is that it?

keep your standards where they are op. I wish some other women would raise theirs, so that men overall up their game.

here we have a man who microwaved some bought food in his best attempt to impress, and many many women seem to think that he’s some paragon for doing it.

would you do this? If you’d just met a man you wanted to impress, and invited him round for the first meal you make him, would you really just heat up some bought food?! I don’t think I can believe you would. Maybe some would. But not all. Which means that many of you have a lower expectation of men than you do of yourself. Why?

It's not a red flag not being able to cook, as you have stated a few times. It might be something you find desirable or important in a partner and that's fine. It might be a deal breaker, that's fine.That's why we have a period of finding out about potential long term partnerships, to establish tgese things.

But a red flag is something that indicatesentrenched or abusive actions might develop when the early veneer has disappeared. Not be able to cook doesn't come into this category. Saying he shouldn't cook because that is your job, is completely different and is a red flag.

The bar is on the floor.

You're saying that? When you've admitted that you fancy someone else? Okay then...absolutely no hypocrisy going on here folks, nope!

Personally I don’t cook. I probably have salad and sandwiches and soup from my soup maker for 90% of the time.

Maybe he didn’t want to stress about cooking and enjoy the company.
Maybe both need to cook together to show what cooking from scratch means to her

Some people haven’t had the upbringing to understand what the version of home cooked means and technically it was home cooked.

Given my culinary disasters I think people are being too picky as long as the kitchen and house were clean and the food was ok it certainly wouldn’t be a deal breaker

I wouldn’t think if it as low effort.

It depends on how you get on together.
What if he got the Hello Fresh box out. Would that suffice

Believe me when I tell you that I have done a curry with all the different spices premeasured out. I followed the recipe to the letter. I won’t say what went wrong to make it inedible as it is very outing to anyone who knows me but suffice it to say it was inedible.
I would go as far as to say it would have put people in hospital if they had ate a bowl full.

The amount of effort I put into that dish was huge. It was certainly not low effort.

If though you can’t get over this idea of buying things from shops cooking things at home and serving them then set him free.

I know a couple who pride themselves on cooking everything from scratch. I certainly don’t eat anything they make. Being vegetarian helps. Everything is meat based loaded with butter and salt.
They fry everything in butter and get through at least 7 packs per week.

An outing curry. That’s a new one 😂

No it's not. You're choosing to ignore the pages and pages of women saying they're in happy and fulfilled marriages with good men who are good partners and fathers despite their OH not being the best cook. Meanwhile you're trawling the gym for in the hope of a hook-up. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What a strange dealbreaker when to cook and enjoy food can be a journey. I remember my now husbands early home cooked meals of veg and rice in canned tomatoes, mmm metallic, now he's baking his own bread and making delicious meals, and my cooking game has improved too.

He may get better, it's not a test to pass, it's not a reflection of who he is, he had you over for dinner for the first time and perhaps to him that's a special home cooked (or curated) meal.

If you could consider not seeing him again over something as frivolous as that, then you must feel that much for him however so might be best to move on?

Hopefully Gym guy can pick it up he's so buff

It would help to read the updates.