Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Exactly! He knows OP eats healthy food and didn’t even make an effort to reflect that in his cooking with some veg.

Absolutely, and I can't imagine for the life of me why she's single(!)

You're seriously saying that if you started dating someone, really liked them and saw long-term potential in the relationship, you'd dump them just for not being able to cook? Not even give them the chance to improve their kitchen skills?

Do him a favour and finish with him, he would be so much better without you.

And what is wrong with being single?

Some people could be skint - not tight as fuck. I wouldn't consider that meal really unhealthy. Not like he took her to McDonald's for a double big mac and a mcflurry.

Lots of people aren't great cooks. My mum isn't a spectacular cook but she has loads of other attributes.

This is rage bait. It has to be.

I wan't suggesting a 'bar'. I was suggesting a couple of people getting together to cook and have fun together. Not a MENSA.

She thinks having sex with her is some sort of prize or reward which he hadn’t yet earned.

I Know how to cook but I lived in my own for well over 25 years and managed to avoid cooking anything from scratch (or in fact from packets etc.

I get it’s useful if you have a family but other than that, it’s personal preference

Mmmm now I want a maccas and a McFlurry.

Oh come on. Do me a favour. Even the healthiest of people can go a day without veg. My brother is a personal trainer and he eats very healthily and cooks most nights and he's not a big drinker either but on Saturday he went to the football and the pub with his mates and had a Spoons breakfast and a beef curry on the way home.

One day off from really healthy meals hurts no one

How do you know he didn't add veg to the curry? Surely they didn't just eat sauce, I don't think she's said what he added to the spice and sauce kit?

I never said she or anyone said it was a punishment. OP made it transactional. That's an issue.

So what if she doesn’t want to have sex with him? She can refuse for any reason she likes, even if the reason is Neptune and the Sirius star haven’t aligned.

Ha! I'd be having the McPlant (vegan)

I don’t think there is anything wrong with having your preferences for dating. We all have them! It’s just you are coming across as superior because he’s different to you. Personally someone who cooked up a big fancy meal would make me die a little inside cos I’d feel it was a bit much and just not my bag. No judgement on them though. our love languages are all different. I’m ill at the minute with horrific toothache and my lovely fella brought me home some icey poles. I felt overwhelmed with love. If he’d brought me flowers or diamonds I would have smiled politely but quietly thought ‘you don’t know me at all’. You want what you want OP. But he isn’t a dick for not being that. Just different.

I wouldn't be able to see long term potential in a relationship with someone who was unable to cook. Maybe if they put in massive effort to improve their skills but I certainly wouldn't be teaching them.

Looking back at OP’s comments it looked like she was marking his homework- must do better, needs to make more effort etc. Plus, the conceit of acknowledging that he was punching! I wonder what his school report of you would be. I hope he finds someone decent!

what does that mean please? Does that make it bad/. I would really appreciate knowing this. I seriously don't know what it means. Thank you x

Maybe try brushing your teeth?

It seems it’s only an issue for you if OP is the one being tongue in cheek.

Calling mumsnetters desperate, talking negatively to her friends about him, calling him tight, a shit cook, not good enough for her, a red flag, putting her value far beyond his, rewarding him (or not) with sex, offering him advice on how to be better, cook, better etc etc. I haven't read the whole thread, so I imagine there is more.

Nothing whatsoever. I was single by choice for yonks before meeting DH. But while a lot of people are single by choice, or because they've not met the right person, let's not pretend it's not also true that some people are single because they can be challenging to be in a relationship with. And imo that is how OP is coming off on this thread, regardless what she's like in real life.

😆