Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Just break it off nicely... not because she's a culinary cunt

You see, I 100% support that if you don't want to carry on because of this, that's fine. But is it necessary ot be so unpleasant and so rude about other people's choices?

My DH is a nightmare in the kitchen. It wasn't a deal breaker for me so it hasn't been an issue in our relationship. That doesn't make me "desperate" or whatever. It just makes me someone with different priorities.

What WAS important to me was that if I had children with a man, he' dbe willing to step up and do at least 50% of the childcare because I was very passionate about my career. And in fact, it worked out that DH was a SAHD for a while becuase that was best for our relationship and, in 15 years of parenting, even after he went back to work, it's been on the basis that he still takes on the majority of things. I've done, at best, 10% of school runs, for example.

This is such a shallow reason to break up with someone if you actually like everything else about them. Not everyone enjoys cooking to the same degree and people have different expectations about what constitutes “home cooking”. He may have just thought would be nice to have a chill night in and thought he was cooking for you, by his standards. My DH is a chef, but it’s certainly not why I am with him.

She sounds pretty nice to me.

Ah, the old “anyone who doesn’t agree with me has low standards” line. A cute effort to retain your smug superiority but unfortunately completely transparent and a bit embarrassing that you had to reach for that. Just some honest feedback, because I know you’re a big advocate of that OP.

Well, probably a curry made from scratch

😂

Why are you asking me, I don’t know her?

Love a mumsnet reminder of how low class I am lol. Steamed supermarket gyozas and a nice curry kit are our idea of date night food that's a step up from the everyday whilst also being quick to prep (i love to make lasagna etc from scratch but not on date night) 🤣

He doesn't need to strive to do better. He's decided that level of effort is all you're worth. You need to move on.

I assume you have spent 25 yrs cooking for him? I hope he has spent 25 yrs cleaning for you.

I expect that it felt safe for him to rely on this things. As for him 'punching above' why is that? Are you a better cook?

You can’t say that for sure. Maybe she will be single a long time or perhaps she will meet the right guy next week! There are good men out there who also will cook to her own standards. Now I’m not saying this would be a dealbreaker for me and I certainty wouldn’t have texted him to say I’m disappointed, but we are all different.

And being single may be preferable to some than being with someone who doesn’t meet their standards.

And btw just because your friend is single doesn’t mean she made the wrong decision.

The story could’ve easily went “she’s in finance and gave this electrician a chance despite her doubts, but now she regrets it and is stuck with a marriage and two kids to him.”

This post can’t be serious. No one can be this shallow and transactional.

He's not a restaurant and he didn't make beans on toast.

So he didn't make you a three-course meal totally from scratch. It's not as if he just ordered in a Domino's and a tub of Häagen-Dazs.

Couldn't she teach him? Could be fun!

Edit - soz hit the wrong key.

It was a Lidl jar with spices.

He couldn’t even spring for a £4 Spice Tailor curry kit, the tight git.

OP - don’t ever lower your standards! LOL at the posters saying awwww poorrr guyyy 🙄

I’d personally see this as a total mismatch of levels of food you both find acceptable. If he thinks a Lidl curry kit is making an effort heavens help you when you eventually move in together 😒

Not harsh at all. I wouldn't go out with a man who 'can't' cook or doesn't do it well because I know the expectation would then be on me to do the majority of the cooking and that isn't the type of relationship I wanted.

So fucking what?

You can obviously choose not to date someone but why the need to be so rude about other people?
I’m not a foodie - I’ve taught myself to cook but I have ARFID so food is not something I’m really interested in.
I’d be delighted with beans on toast tbh! When DH first met me that was the about the limit of my culinary expertise.

Does that make me desperate? Or someone unworthy of dating? Nope it doesn’t.

But then she would be told by MNers years later when it doesn’t work out:

’You knew he couldn’t cook when you got with him’.

We have shared the load.

This is perfectly reasonable. Now I love cooking and wouldn’t mind, but it makes compete sense that it could be an issue for some women. It’s certainly a dealbreaker for a lot of men!

I would say you sound a lot more worthy of dating than op. I doubt she’ll ever find anyone who loves her as much as she loves herself.

So he’s a shit cook and tight as fuck and yet people are presenting him to OP as if he’s a prize.

I’m actually embarrassed for the OP that she trotted out “He even admits he’s punching” as if that’s some sort of objective validation of anything