Am I being harsh to finish with my date over his ‘home cooked’ dinner?

[WeeksJa]

I’ve had a few dates with a man over the last couple of months, and he invited me over to his last night for what he promised would be a ‘home cooked’ dinner. He knows I like my food and eat healthily/well.

This is what he served up:

Starter - Gyoza’s from the supermarket
Dinner - Curry; one of those kits where you fry off the spices and add provided sauce etc
Desert - chocolate brownie (supermarket purchased)

It just felt a bit…low effort. Not what I’d describe as ‘home cooked’.

My friends are divided - a couple say to finish it, a couple say to give him the benefit of the doubt, feedback my disappointment and see if he can redeem himself.

Thoughts welcome!

Please please please update us with his response, OP. We need to know - I know what mine would be...

She's not given him a chance to see if he can cook better meals. He also doesn't need to be a project. I taught myself to cook. No one had to teach me

Would it end in the word off?

Yep... I 100% think the OP doesn't need to date a man she isn't compatible with. But messaging him to tell him she is disappointed in him when he hasn't actually done anything wrong (just doesn't have her culinary skills or desires) is just awful.

I despises cooking. I do it because I have to. My DH on the other hand loves it but makes an awful mess. He generally cooks, and I tidy. I cook sometimes but it is mostly slow cooker food or stir fry / pasta with jar sauce. I actually quite like the Lidl curries with the spices in top 😂😂

But what was she supposed to do? Pretend the meal was nice and be served it again?

Honest feedback, kindly given, is better.

I can tell you I’m very happily married, to a wonderful, kind and generous man who would do anything for me. He could build me a kitchen from scratch but he just can’t cook for shit. Can maybe handle a stir fry

If I had based our future together on him not being able to cook when we first met, I would have missed out big time.

I'm glad you've been direct with him. It's a good idea for him to know where he stands early on in the relationship so he can decide whether he wants to continue with it or not.

She can break it off for whatever reason she likes, it's not unreasonable to stop dating someone you don't want to date.

Telling someone who's gone to the trouble of buying and cooking you a meal that you're 'disappointed' with their efforts is the bit I'm saying is unreasonable, it's incredibly rude. Just tell him you've had a really nice time but unfortunately you've realised you're not compatible.

Your first post said it was a kit where you fry the spices then add the sauce (e.g. Spice Tailor), which are fairly nice and I use myself.

Different to the later picture you build of a cheap jar of budget supermarket Dolmio, or whatever the curry equivalent is.

You've obviously already written him off.

I’m a strong supporter of having high standards, particularly for courtship, but you’re coming across as snotty.

Eat the meal, say thank you, break up with him kindly a few days later. They've only been on a few dates, she doesn't need to give him feedback.

Yes he would be very wise to ignore this red flag!

*unwize

I think your friend’s situation was different though. There is no suggestion that OP is snobby. As Ratatouille taught us, anyone can cook.

It can be really limiting dating or living with someone who doesn’t share your interests.

My male friend refuses to date a vegetarian, he doesn’t want the limitations it places on him. It’s fair enough for him to identify this as a problem from the beginning.

Agree!!

This is rage bait surely?

Honestly, I commend you for sticking to your standards OP. Nothing wrong with being single, in fact I’d rather be single than be with a lot of the men out there!

I also have standards that many would say are too high, but when you bring a lot to the table yourself it’s hard to accept less.

"Strive to do better"? Sorry, which Michelin-starred restaurant did you train at again?

So what if he didn't make his gyozas from scratch? The fact you'd judge him for that, and dump him for it, makes you shallower than a bowl of soup, frankly.

Oh god OP you sound insufferable 😂
He made an effort. Making no effort would have been doing nothing, or ordering a takeaway. Not all of us are amazing cooks and that doesn’t make us lesser humans. I presume he has some redeeming features or you wouldn’t have blessed him with your valuable time for so many dates already?
Look, we’re all entitled to end a relationship over any reason we see fit but bleating on about your high standards and red flags over a curry meal kit makes you look a right plonker.

What makes you the authority on good food? If he told you that your stories are boring, or that your grammar is poor, or that you're a bit dull in bed, would that also be acceptable as honest feedback? Telling someone all the things you don't like about them is not a kind thing to do imo. Just tell them you're not compatible in the future. Hopefully he'll have reached that conclusion himself.

What does the OP bring to the table?

I think you come across as rude and insufferable! You clearly have a very high opinion of yourself. This guy doesn’t deserve this kind of behaviour.

I don't think I said that she didn't? I was reacting to her dismissal of the effort that he'd made for her.

If she lists her attributes, she will be accused of thinking a lot of herself, as a pp already did.